We already won. It's only a matter of time.

[Motoko]

What comforts me is the realization that even if I won't ctb because I am too weak, I will die from natural cause. Even if it's in 10, 20, or 50 years, even if it's painful as hell. Sometimes I think I don't care about pain anymore. I kind of got used to it. Now I'm only waiting. Maybe I will find finally a courage to ctb on my own. What's the difference, now or in ~40-50 years. Even if it's gonna be the worst way possible. Maybe I will be homeless and bleed myself out from starvation. It won't matter in 100 years. Sooner would be maybe better, but as I said, even if it's later, then I've already won. I will get mine. Sooner or later. Now it's only a matter of time. I won't be here, doesn't matter when. Ok, sometimes there are days that it matters much more, but sometimes not. Ehh who cares. You've won as well.

 

[FuneralCry]

Yes, it does comfort me that no matter what we will die eventually. This existence is only temporary and eventually I will be at peace. Personally, I'm not sure I can put up with this life for many more decades and I do not want to reach an old age. The life expectancy is too long in my opinion.

 

[Apricity]

My goal for ctb isn't to die, it's to end my suffering. I have not "already won", because i still suffer.

 

[A_miStake_of_NATURE]

My goal for ctb isn't to die, it's to end my suffering. I have not "already won", because i still suffer.

Totally agree. I want this pain I'm in to stop. In addition to that, I absolutely don't wanna get older and weaker and dumber and uglier. I don't want to be part of this cruel world anymore.
No, thank you.

 

[motel rooms]

Maybe I will find finally a courage to ctb on my own. What's the difference, now or in ~40-50 years. Even if it's gonna be the worst way possible. Maybe I will be homeless and bleed myself out from starvation.

The difference between a couple of hours of pain & 40-50 years of it is pretty significant, I'm afraid...

 

[ClownMe]

My goal for ctb isn't to die, it's to end my suffering. I have not "already won", because i still suffer.

Same here.

 

[Bone]

The difference between a couple of hours of pain & 40-50 years of it is pretty significant, I'm afraid...

agreed-OP, i see that you're trying to cope with the pain of living (as i am also) but thinking of 40 more years of this and barely surviving along the way sounds pretty rough. i have bipolar 1 w/psychosis and its been incredibly difficult the past 8 years, and has only gotten worse.

 

[Motoko]

Sorry, I got carried away. I sometimes have these moments. I take it back.

Is there any way to delete this thread?

 

[Death_the_kid]

Dont delete It, Its great all here feel identified

 

[settheory]

My goal for ctb isn't to die, it's to end my suffering. I have not "already won", because i still suffer.

True, but at least we won't suffer for eternity anyway. That's a blessing of mortality.

 

[Jumping_realms]

I don't want to live through the day. 50 years?

You may be on the wrong site...or at least hit the recovery section up, damn.

 

[Snake of Eden]

I wish it was that easy that the mere knowing it will end someday eventually, is enough to make us carry on with our lives just normally until that days comes. I dont believe that one single person who committed suicide wasnt aware of that fact yet their suffering was just so unbearable that they were able to overcome S.I: and the hardship that goes with killing oneself. Anyone who successfully ctb is in fact losing and not winning. They are losing their life, their suffering, their potential. I dont believe there is anything winnable with suicide other than getting that wish to die