I had thoughts about CTB before, nearly obsessive thoughts. It wasn't until my brother and best friend ctb'd Jan 30th when my need became stronger than ever. I've been scared because of the panic I'd feel, which would be a result of the SN and especially the environment in which I ctb. I thought about being in bed, like my brother, but for some reason that gives me anxiety and scares me. However, during my shower a few minutes ago, I realized how peaceful I felt. The warm water, the sound of water, the memories of bathing in there as a toddler... could even add candles, soft music, photos of my brother, etc. So. I plan on collecting everything I need for SN, lighting up some beautiful candles, playing chopin (corniest scene ever), loading up a bath to pretty hot, and drinking the SN. No one wants to interrupt someone's shower/bath for fear of being rude. Regardless, I'll leave the door unlocked to be discovered when it starts to become odd that I haven't stopped bathing/showering. By the time I'm found by my mom, I will have passed away, the water will have turned cold (and hopefully slowed down the decomposition process) and I'd at least be clean. I feel bad for my mom of course. Might not be able to use that bathroom for a long time if at all.
What's your set up going to be and why?
What's your set up going to be and why?
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