Discussion Wanting to CTB with 2 young kids

[notwavinbutdrowning]

First thread, be kind :)

I have 2 young children and an abusive partner. I can't escape the desire to end my depression/anxiety/complex PTSD by CTB.

I've experienced so much death in my life, sexual abuse as a kid and at work. I am emotionally everywhere all at once. I just don't want to be here, it's all so pointless and painful. But how can I put my kids through what I've been through. I feel trapped.

Is anyone else in a similar situation? How do you deal with the need/desire to CTB and leaving behind a young family? I wish I had the strength to try again after 3 failed attempts.

 

[Nephis]

I would recommend you find someone who can take care of them that isn't your partner before you CTB or make sure to leave behind info for the police so that she get's put away in jail that way your kids can be taken care of by those people. Otherwise you are looking at a choice in front of you, Die and hope that those kids will have a better life after your passing, or stay alive and hold on until they can leave your partner forever.

 

[Lulzacruel]

i feel very conflicted

at the same time, you are suffering, but your children might have to go into the adoption system if your partner can't take care of them and we all know how the adoption system is.

if you live in a country where healthcare is cheap or even free for psychiatric services, then go ahead and try to get one, other than that, i dont have much useful suggestions apart from the cheesy "try to stay sane"

 

[melwarson]

If it was me I'd try to find a family member or friend and ask if they would take care of your kids if anything happened to you. Lots of people have God parents for their children and I believe that's part of being a God parent. Obviously it will be hard for them. I don't know how old they are. But no matter what their age it will be hard. Your partner will likely get custody unless he/she has a record of being abusive to the children. I'm some I don't have better advice. I don't have children but I was badly abused, stalked for 3 years and sexually assaulted. It caused huge health problems for me and I haven't been able to overcome them. I hope you find peace no matter what you decide.

 

[notwavinbutdrowning]

Thank you for taking the time to reply. I like the idea of ensuring they are in a safe and secure environment before I attempt again.

I have gone full circle with the uk nhs mental health system. So unfit for purpose. In my experience, they either medicate you so you can't function or you are seen as a nuisance causing trouble by discussing suicide, self harm and not 'engaging' with treatment. Ive tried, so hard but I am losing hope.

 

[sayire]

First thread, be kind :)

I have 2 young children and an abusive partner. I can't escape the desire to end my depression/anxiety/complex PTSD by CTB.

I've experienced so much death in my life, sexual abuse as a kid and at work. I am emotionally everywhere all at once. I just don't want to be here, it's all so pointless and painful. But how can I put my kids through what I've been through. I feel trapped.

Is anyone else in a similar situation? How do you deal with the need/desire to CTB and leaving behind a young family? I wish I had the strength to try again after 3 failed attempts.

this breaks my heart and honestly not sure what to say here. I can relate to emotionally everywhere all at once and complex PTSD.

is your partner abusive to the children as well?

can you sustain by yourself?

I am open to DMs if that is helpful to you

 

[dory]

Do you have a family member you are the closest to? This world is truly cruel and I don't understand how people can be so evil to each other especially about abuse. I wish you peace, and for your kids too

 

[Emma.D]

If you want another parent to talk to then message me. I have a load of experience with the UK mental health services. I was very suicidal a while back so understand how you feel. (I'm still not good mentally but am not going to ctb anytime soon. But this is your story not mine.. ) I won't judge you for your choices.. I'll just understand and be there to listen, if it helps.

 

[Slasher]

I can't give you the perspective of a parent but I can give you the perspective of a son. I wouldn't want to lose my parent but if I knew what was going on with my parent I would understand him or her and be at ease knowing he or she is better off. being brought up poor also has their downsides, find someone to take care of your kid financially and that can also serve as a father figure because not growing up with a father figure will to mental problems and also possibly bullying. I personally think having a post like this of a parent that committed would ease the pain so if possible try and link this so they can look back. my parents can rot in the deepest pit of hell lmao, if you are a good parent they will for sure miss you but also understand your position. sometimes the best decisions feel like the worst ones, you could try for a divorce and start you're life again but that's on you. I wish you the best of luck <<33

 

[Aisley]

I'm sorry you're in this. It's hell, I know. But you owe your kids until they can survive without you. I'm doing the same thing over here. Had a knife in my cupboard that is sharp enough, and kept me holding on for years. These years will pass. You didn't have to have these kids; anybody can get ahold of castor oil or pennyroyal or whatever it takes, but they're here and they're yours. It's just a few years.