monetpompo
૮ • ﻌ - ა
- Apr 21, 2025
- 61
I wish someone would help me or teach me how to do a method, or that I could have someone come over to talk about how I want to die. I've thought about hooking up again just to have someone to talk about my suicidal ideation and see if anyone else wants to kill themselves, but I guess that's one way to get murdered instead. I just don't want to be here. I don't see my future getting any brighter. I know that me talking on here is just whining and I'm meant to figure out things on my own. I feel so jealous of my friend that's in university right now. I slept through my entire day because I didn't want to be awake. It all feels like a chore and like I'm someone who's meant to die, because my life has no impact on anyone. I wish that I was a better person. I don't feel like anyone should be friends with me at all because I'm so negative and resentful. It's hard for me to be in a good enough mood to want to talk to people now. I just want to stay in my room and ignore my friend's texts, since he's the only one reaching out to me anymore. If the non-methods like overdosing on Tylenol or drinking bleach worked, I probably would've done it by now, but I know it'd be no good.
I know that I'm weak enough for someone to kill me, so I wish someone would just do it. I'm not strong at all. I've thought about it before, how a man could grab my neck and start strangling me because he wanted something to take his rage out on. My body's weak from oversleeping and never leaving the house, and I find my fun from sitting on my laptop or daydreaming about situations that won't happen. My mom's always been paranoid that someone might break into our house and kill us, but she's always deluded herself. This is the safest neighborhood I've ever lived in. A part of me wishes that there were actually dangerous people outside, but there never are, even if I go looking. I feel like my life is too privileged to ever complain about anything. Sometimes I think that I deserve to have something bad happen to me, just to say things in my life actually go wrong.
I know that I'm weak enough for someone to kill me, so I wish someone would just do it. I'm not strong at all. I've thought about it before, how a man could grab my neck and start strangling me because he wanted something to take his rage out on. My body's weak from oversleeping and never leaving the house, and I find my fun from sitting on my laptop or daydreaming about situations that won't happen. My mom's always been paranoid that someone might break into our house and kill us, but she's always deluded herself. This is the safest neighborhood I've ever lived in. A part of me wishes that there were actually dangerous people outside, but there never are, even if I go looking. I feel like my life is too privileged to ever complain about anything. Sometimes I think that I deserve to have something bad happen to me, just to say things in my life actually go wrong.
