I can understand that, and I used to get the same feeling of relief or pleasure from knowing I can plan my end, and make it come to me instead of waiting for it. But recently I have begun to feel more unsure. I saw dying as a relief to pain, and even though I might still feel as though I don't want to be alive, to die wouldn't actually be the relief I think it is—relief is when I experience the absence of pain. What will happen to me when I can't actually experience anything at all? I don't actually get my relief, do I? I am a computer being shut down, and I won't ever really be free. My existence and all notions about it are gone.
Not sure who relates to this, maybe others would find this disagreeable. After realizing all of this I can't say I would ever be afraid of going to hell, because I surely am already in it. Due to the unknowns, though, death could be better than this after all, but would I ever know?