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want to kill themselves but afraid to die
Thread starterbornsinner
Start date
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Yes, but sometimes it can be comforting to know that there is that option rather than existence. That's when I fear nothing and that's when I think dying isn't something for me to be afraid of.
Yes I am but scarier is my inability to function in society without screwing up relationships and constantly self sabotaging even when I don't mean to.
I used to be terrified of the pain of dying and the unknown, just having no idea what's after it. But in more recent years its become warm and comforting to think of.
As much as I'm scared of feeling pain while dying I'm more scared of another 50-60 years of this torturous, boring, meaningless existence which I've brought on my own. I'm scared of dying alone and forgotten as a 70 year old with dementia and inability to move.
My prime was spent living as if I were 70, what am I gonna do later when it only gets worse?
Pain seems small and insignificant compared to this.
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BabyYoda, Mizzmini45, Qdv and 1 other person
As much as I'm scared of feeling pain while dying I'm more scared of another 50-60 years of this torturous, boring, meaningless existence which I've brought on my own. I'm scared of dying alone and forgotten as a 70 year old with dementia and inability to move.
My prime was spent living as if I were 70, what am I gonna do later when it only gets worse?
Pain seems small and insignificant compared to this.
Me n u are so alike it's scary
If I knew my death was certain I wouldn't mind enduring 1-6 mins of really bad pain Now . Lot better then 60 years. Plus The way some people die horrible painful deaths after 60 years.
If i can die by N it would help me be much less nervous having seen how it looked on the dignitas video. I'd be a bit afraid of the SN method which is the next option for me. I think taking benzo's before would help.
The biggest obstacle to CTB for me is the survival instinct which is why I get the impression that thoughts of suicide are more common than the act itself. I've seen this suicide documentary of the Golden Gate Bridge where jumpers are doing backflips and looking like they're almost falling accidentally rather than jumping from the bridge. One bystander mistook a jumper for a bungee jumper. The jumpers are behaving that way, of course, in order to circumvent their survival instincts. One jumper repeatedly went to one part of the bridge where she was always saved by bystanders.
I do fear dying yet at same time can it be any worse than all the suffering here. I am scared to go ahead and do it because I am unsure of what method would be best for me, have to be something that I could be confident enough in that wouldn't mean I could be saved and have to live with brain or organ damage or the like. Also what stops me is the fear of not crossing over into spirit world. I am not religious but do believe in the afterlife/spirit world and they keep telling me those who take their life wont go to peace, which to me seems very unfair. If someone is suffering for whatever reason surely they deserve peace. Such conflicting thoughts and ideas.
This is exactly what's stopping me from taking the next step. I know I can't go on with this pain any longer but at the same time I can't seem to get over the survival instinct. I'm so uncomfortable all I can do is sleep. Thankfully. I'm pretty much dead already I sleep so much.
Reactions:
highlyvolatile, Astral316 and JustAnotherSuicider
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