Want to kill myself because I think I’ll never find a girlfriend

[idonntseethepoint]

I'm 23. Last year I split with my girlfriend of four years. Since then I've tried online dating a bit - no luck. Don't seem to get as many matches as other guys. I think it's because I'm young looking and skinny. I don't blame girls for not being interested in me. But I want to get married and have kids - realising this is an unrealistic fantasy. I feel in pain every day but can't bring myself to CTB. What is wrong with me?

 

[NothingElseMatters]

If that makes you feel better, im 29 yo never had a gf lost all my money im ugly and antisocial and right now im working as an intern.

 

[Bootleg Astolfo]

Become a femboy, then you can be a 25yo that can't get a date, never did nor ever will, but gets creeped on by random dudes :) #progamermove #1337g4m3r

 

[idonntseethepoint]

If that makes you feel better, im 29 yo never had a gf lost all my money im ugly and antisocial and right now im working as an intern.

Sorry man, that's rough

 

[FuneralCry]

People can be very disappointing. I can imagine it must be painful to be unable to have the life you want. Life is very depressing and unfair and that is just the way that things are. I wish you the best.

 

[Flippy]

I'm 23. Last year I split with my girlfriend of four years. Since then I've tried online dating a bit - no luck. Don't seem to get as many matches as other guys. I think it's because I'm young looking and skinny. I don't blame girls for not being interested in me. But I want to get married and have kids - realising this is an unrealistic fantasy. I feel in pain every day but can't bring myself to CTB. What is wrong with me?

For what it's worth, my advice is to use this time to indulge in your passions and hobbies. Make life about you and what you want as much as possible. You've split from a long term relationship and that's really tough, particularly if you didn't want it to end. The more you find to fill up your time the less important it will seem.

It won't be unimportant, but in my experience, you can reach a point where you will feel like a relationship would be difficult to fit into your busy schedule. Then something counter intuitive can happen, people will approach you more. It's crazy but it's human psychology to want what you can't have, or seems scarce.

You may not believe it, but 23 is still very young and you have plenty of time to get into the complications of married life with kids to look after. A lot more time than it may seem.

You are probably in a pretty dark place right now, based on your post :-( I've been in that place too and I'm in a similar place for different reasons now. It is not my intention to trivialise anything you are feeling.

Rediscovering the other things that bring you some joy in life can be a good way to fill the time you have until you meet that one person who you would give it all up for.

I hope that makes some sense :-) All the best to you :-)

 

[idonntseethepoint]

For what it's worth, my advice is to use this time to indulge in your passions and hobbies. Make life about you and what you want as much as possible. You've split from a long term relationship and that's really tough, particularly if you didn't want it to end. The more you find to fill up your time the less important it will seem.

It won't be unimportant, but in my experience, you can reach a point where you will feel like a relationship would be difficult to fit into your busy schedule. Then something counter intuitive can happen, people will approach you more. It's crazy but it's human psychology to want what you can't have, or seems scarce.

You may not believe it, but 23 is still very young and you have plenty of time to get into the complications of married life with kids to look after. A lot more time than it may seem.

You are probably in a pretty dark place right now, based on your post :-( I've been in that place too and I'm in a similar place for different reasons now. It is not my intention to trivialise anything you are feeling.

Rediscovering the other things that bring you some joy in life can be a good way to fill the time you have until you meet that one person who you would give it all up for.

I hope that makes some sense :-) All the best to you :-)

Thanks for the kind words

 

[Mashedout]

You're only 23, keep trying. It really is that simple. There are still plenty of years to find people. There are 8 billion on the planet.

 

[Flippy]

Thanks for the kind words

If you got an alert saying I had left "wow" I clicked the wrong like! Lol! :-) But you are very welcome :-)

 

[Versailles]

Oh, i can related, i spent my money in prostitutes because I don't think that I will find a gf in the future

 

[Darkover]

Britain: One third good looking? | YouGov

The average British person says the people they see in their daily lives are a third attractive, half alright and 16% ugly

yougov.co.uk

in britain
16% percent of the woman are ugly
52% neither attractive nor unattractive
26% are attractive
8% drop dead gorgous

so only about 34% of woman are worth dating if you want to be attracted to your partner

i was told there are plenty of fish in the sea

In fact, if you're in your 20s there might be plenty of fish in the sea
if you're reasonably attractive and willing to put yourself out there.

But as you age, this saying becomes increasingly untrue until it's actually just plain false. For men and women.

There might not be plenty of fish out there for you, but it doesn't mean there aren't any.

a life without love isn't worth living, i havent had sex for 17 years i had one relationship at 18 for 2 years
i know i would never get another girlfriend ever again my advice is don't live out your misery just leave life isn't even worth doing anyway it's just holding us hostage

 

[BeansOfRequirement]

 

[PeacefulTonic]

I'm 23. Last year I split with my girlfriend of four years. Since then I've tried online dating a bit - no luck. Don't seem to get as many matches as other guys. I think it's because I'm young looking and skinny. I don't blame girls for not being interested in me. But I want to get married and have kids - realising this is an unrealistic fantasy. I feel in pain every day but can't bring myself to CTB. What is wrong with me?

If you want easy matches on dating apps, go to the gym, get bigger, and post new pictures. I know personal trainers with thousands of matches on dating apps, and they complain about it being too much work

Also, learn a bit about pickup and female psychology

 

[Flippy]

Online dating is a mathematical game. If you know how to code, take a leaf out of this guy's book:

Hack OkCupid, acquire love. This guy did

Love, actuarially: how one man hacked OKCupid to find the girl of his dreams

www.wired.co.uk

 

[Someone123]

I'm 23. Last year I split with my girlfriend of four years. Since then I've tried online dating a bit - no luck. Don't seem to get as many matches as other guys. I think it's because I'm young looking and skinny. I don't blame girls for not being interested in me. But I want to get married and have kids - realising this is an unrealistic fantasy. I feel in pain every day but can't bring myself to CTB. What is wrong with me?

This is not a good reason to ctb, in all honesty. You kept one girl for four years, which is pretty excellent for a person of 23. It doesn't matter at all if you get more responses than others- not even slightly- the only thing that matters is if you find one with whom you can make it last. Take a little time to work out some- working out can be very enjoyable, and willl make you less skinny and will make you feel healthier, plus this is something you can share with your next girlfriend, who will hopefully become your wife. Also focus on eating healthy, and really try to adjust your mindset to not be too picky. Prioritize a caring person high and consider girls who at first may seem less physically attractive- this can be improved a lot with a little working out togther, plus who the person is inside matters much more over time. I support choice in issues related to ctb, but we need to keep in mind that younger people, under 30 especilly, have more chances to turn things around than for people later in life. Your case seems like one where you have great opportuniities to get your life onto the track that you would like.

 

[juraviel]

this is just a belief you have. you were already in a relationship which means you are capable if being in one. it's just a feeling you have that has no reflection in reality

 

[Dr Iron Arc]

I think if you had a girlfriend before, you can get one again, probably. Especially since you were together for a few years. I am going to CTB because I'm 27 and have never had one. At this point I'm a literal red flag due to my inexperience and many women can definitely pick up on that. I know it must really hurt right now though. As someone said, you can use this time to focus on yourself at least if that's what you want.

 

[Quiet Desperation]

Others have written it more eloquently, but as someone who shares a lot of your tendencies and understands where you're coming from, please don't give up solely because of this. I am 100% pro-choice but as a friend once told me, this is a permanent solution to a temporary problem.

Online dating can be demoralizing, doubly so for us guys who are often expected to do all the work of initiating and overcoming the mathematical disadvantage that we have online. The tendency to compare yourself to others is always right there, and it is easy to reach for a simple explanation like looks that gives a neat explanation for the pain. Looks do make things easier but as someone who developed male pattern baldness at 19 I can tell you that they aren't everything and acting as if they are is a cop out. If I killed myself then I would have missed out on the love of my life. If you had a 4 year relationship at 23 you're way ahead of the path I followed, and I would further argue, most average people.

Losing a relationship is always awful and all of the worst depressive episodes I've had have followed breakups, but if that is the only major issue in your life it is very fixable given time, work and patience, especially in your 20s when your dating pool is so huge. If you want a silver lining, it's that if you aren't a 10 you won't have to filter out the girls who only care about looks. You don't want them anyway. What matters is finding someone compatible that actually loves you for you and not something that will fade in a few years anyway.

If you take the advice given to you earlier in the thread about cultivating your hobbies, taking care of yourself, and finding meaning in your life outside of finding a partner it will pay dividends. Not only will it take some of your focus off of a woman being the only answer to your happiness, it will put you in a much better space mentally, and it will be much more attractive to future partners. Someone being obsessed with you and having no life of their own is not attractive, and I say that as someone with that tendency to love hard myself. Live your life, figure out some things that matter to you and motivate you aside from women, and they will come.

As to the dating apps it's a slog, but you have to just toughen yourself mentally and realize that most women are not going to message first and the most desirable ones have 500 guys all messaging them at once. Make your profile a true representation of who you are and not some curated bullshit, don't pin your self worth on the apathy and cruelty of strangers, and just refuse to give up. The one you find after 100 bad experiences will make it all worthwhile. Good luck out there.

 

[Darkover]

whats the point in having a girlfriend in this place anyway it always end up in betrayal and alls you end up feeling is suicidal because of it because nobody is loving you, i hate life after my one and only relationship breakdown after that i could never trust anyone ever again lifes such a miserable condition

 

[PeacefulTonic]

whats the point in having a girlfriend in this place anyway it always end up in betrayal and alls you end up feeling is suicidal because of it because nobody is loving you, i hate life after my one and only relationship breakdown after that i could never trust anyone ever again lifes such a miserable condition

This isn't always the case. I know a bunch of people who are in long term(5-10+ years) happy and healthy relationships. And not all relationships have an end result such as betrayal and leaving someone suicidal, come on now.

If your sole source of happiness is your significant other, I think you have much bigger issues at hand

 

[Darkover]

This isn't always the case. I know a bunch of people who are in long term(5-10+ years) happy and healthy relationships. And not all relationships have an end result such as betrayal and leaving someone suicidal, come on now.

If your sole source of happiness is your significant other, I think you have much bigger issues at hand

i'm extremely bitter due to having the love of my life taken away from me, if you really loved someone and they leave you it's like having your soul ripped out, losing a loved one hurts like hell, everyone i ever know hasn't ever had a long last relationship a 5 years at most, in fact The average length of a marriage in the US is 8.2 years, she was the biggest part of my happiness without that my whole world got turn up side down, but she wasnt the only source of happiness far from it, life just sucked hard without her.

https://legaljobs.io/blog/divorce-rate-in-america/

 

[marinekiwi]

I can quite understand your reasoning, but as others have stated before me, ctb due to not having a partner/breaking up is wrong imho.

I know breakups can be really painful, but I can assure you that the pain is temporary, perhaps the only kind of pain that is so.

Also, no matter how desperately you want a partner, it just happens out of the blue in many cases.
So long as you keep socializing (be either online or at your local pub) chances are someone will actually like you. It's really as simple as that.

 

[PeacefulTonic]

i'm extremely bitter due to having the love of my life taken away from me, if you really loved someone and they leave you it's like having your soul ripped out, losing a loved one hurts like hell, everyone i ever know hasn't ever had a long last relationship a 5 years at most, in fact The average length of a marriage in the US is 8.2 years, she was the biggest part of my happiness without that my whole world got turn up side down, but she wasnt the only source of happiness far from it, life just sucked hard without her.

https://legaljobs.io/blog/divorce-rate-in-america/

I've had a love of my life taken away from me as well. She was killed in an accident.

All I'm saying is just because you yourself experienced betrayal and are now suicidal, doesn't mean you should dissuade others from trying to find love and happiness in a relationship

 

[atlaSS]

Tenho 23 anos. No ano passado, separei-me da minha namorada de quatro anos. Desde então, tentei um pouco o namoro online - sem sorte. Não parece conseguir tantos fósforos quanto os outros caras. Acho que é porque sou jovem e magro. Não culpo as meninas por não se interessarem por mim. Mas eu quero me casar e ter filhos - perceber isso é uma fantasia irreal. Sinto dores todos os dias, mas não consigo ir ao CTB. O que há de errado comigo?

Acho que você está apressado. Você é jovem e com saúde. Irá vivenciar muitas coisas ainda. Acalme-se

 

[Rayzieka]

There's always someone new
I can relate to thinking it won't happen again but it could.