Help How do I get support without people finding out I’m suicidal

[Maormer]

I need help. I haven't been this bad in nearly a decade and I know from experience that I can't last long like this. I honestly don't want to stop it. I want to die. I want to CTB, but I can't yet. I need to last for at least one more year so I don't ruin my sister's wedding but I don't know how to live that long. I'm barely eating, I'm barely sleeping, most of my time is spent planning or otherwise thinking about my attempt. This will kill me sooner rather than later. I cannot do that to my sister, I need to last just a little bit longer but I don't think I can do it on my own. It's so isolating being suicidal because you can't tell anyone. I just don't want to be in pain between now and my day

 

[getoutgirl]

I'm sorry you are suffering so much and holding on so desperatedly for you sister. You are a good sibling for that, but I get how hard that can be.
Being suicidal is very lonely and that doesn't help at all, so please share or vent here whatever whenever if it may make it a lil more easy and bearable, we will be here to hear and support you <3
You can also call suicide hotlines (there are some that do not contact police) which may not offer the same degree of relatability and may throw you some shitty advice at times, but you can also just call and vent and when it feels better just hang up.
Professional help, highly recommend if you have access and are not currently getting it already, there's the risk of ending up in psychward but if you keep some basic care with the wording and find a good one it can actually help a lot.
Also if you are going to stick around for a year, might aswell try and make that time as less miserable as posible. Sleeping and eating become real hard in that state, wont deny that, but truth is they are quite crucial so try and take care of them the days you think you are able to. Like I say It would make just existing a little more bearable, and any of that is very appreciated. But I know it is not something you can have control over some days, just try and keep it in mind.
Pm me any time if u want, Pm anyone really ppl are nice here, and try and take care. Lots of hugs <333