Want to ctb or absolutely have to ?

[The anhedonic one]

I'm going to CTB because I want to, and also because I absolutely have to.
I need to die due to internal conflicts such as mental illness and existential dread, and also external conflicts such as ageing, homelessness and loneliness.
Life is kicking me in the nuts from all angles and I wouldn't have it any other way now, because I am truly backed into a corner with no hope of escape. So to me this is a positive thing because the pressure of existing is reaching bursting point .

 

[BloomingStrella]

Suicide is very stigmatized, but not necessarily an irrational course of action. Everyone decides what they should do with themselves, and if they want to keep on living, or dispose of their body. I hope you find peace.

 

[NoLightRemains]

I feel like I need to die and have no other good options. All my dreams and hopes for the future can never happen with this body and this mind. Suicide is almost always at the forefront of my mind no matter what I try.

 

[pthnrdnojvsc]

Both. Me too. I want to. And have to.

 

[enditall222]

I don't really want to, but I know its the only option for escape

 

[WorthlessTrash]

I could "exist", and even possibly do the treatments for gender dysphoria, but it wouldn't make me happy or change how I feel. At that point, it still isn't living so the choices are either exist in misery or CTB. For all intents and purposes, I have to CTB to avoid a mediocre existence.

 

[Forever Sleep]

I want to. I don't have as many things pushing me towards needing to (at the moment). I completely understand how chronic pain makes people feel the need to end it. It feels more of a preventative measure to me- I need to die to prevent more living- to prevent all the things I simply don't want to do or experience anymore from happening- which is pretty much everything now. I want to die well before it becomes a 'need'.

 

[Deleted member 31858]

Both. I just can't and don't want to live in this world anymore, I know things will get worse and there really is nothing that can change it

 

[Praestat_Mori]

I'm going to CTB because I want to, and also because I absolutely have to.
I need to die due to internal conflicts such as mental illness and existential dread, and also external conflicts such as ageing, homelessness and loneliness.
Life is kicking me in the nuts from all angles and I wouldn't have it any other way now, because I am truly backed into a corner with no hope of escape. So to me this is a positive thing because the pressure of existing is reaching bursting point .

That's a pretty difficult one! I want to CTB because I don't see a future for myself that would make me happy (personal expectations for myself and so on) because I know things will probably never ever go the way I wanted them to go again. I want to avoid more failures and disappointments leading to more depressive episodes it's just awful. That could in the worst case lead to a point where I'd have to CTB some time in the future when things turn worse.

Although I really wish to ctb so much and I'd be ready with my method it seems things are still "too good and too much hope left".

 

[90starve]

i definitely want to, but i'm not sure i can say i have to. i have thoughts that flood my head, like "i have to die" - but i don't think that comes from a rational place. i believe every reason to CTB is valid, but i struggle actually implementing that idea into my daily life. i feel like telling telling myself that suicide is the only option i have is disrespectful to people with much more serious issues.

 

[Clut]

I wouldn't say I have to. I could carry on if I wanted to, but I don't. But other people have it a lot worse than me so sometimes I feel a bit stupid but I personally can't handle my circumstances. Maybe someone else could. So I think its a want but as its the only way to be happy I guess its kind of a need?

 

[SplatteredMermaid]

Suicide is very stigmatized, but not necessarily an irrational course of action. Everyone decides what they should do with themselves, and if they want to keep on living, or dispose of their body. I hope you find peace.

Exactly. I think statements like that come from people that have never been in such situations. Or then statements like "only cowards commit suicide" - like what? It takes some serious guts to totally override your self-preservation instinct and is exactly the opposite of being a coward.

 

[FuneralCry]

In my case I would always wish to ctb, we are all just destined to die anyway so I think suicide is the best way to die, I could never be delusional enough to actually want to exist in this hellish reality, existing is just pointless anyway and filled with endless suffering, the inevitability of decaying from age disturbs me. I see existence itself as being the true problem, it's something completely unappealing, I think it's always preferable to not exist.

 

[Borgrot]

I don't want to because I'm innately curious, I love stories and want to find out what's next, I don't want my story to end. I feel I have to do it because I make everyone - and I do mean everyone - around me miserable. It's the only way I can save them. It's an act of love, even if they won't see it that way.

 

[S u i c i d e]

Both.