Going to bed has become rather terrifying. Not because of nightmares, well, that too -- mine aren't really nightmares just depressing core memories revisiting me in new ways. Like dreaming that one girl I liked but couldn't be with, is in the arms of someone else. I hate myself for putting that into writing, I'm afraid I'll dream of it tonight. Whatever.
Dreams aren't the scary part, it's knowing I'll wake up with dry blurry eyes, and the weight of existence crushing my heart and chest. I won't be able to breathe for a few minutes, I might even dry cry a bit. I'll feel suffocated, and she'll cross my mind, and the streets outside will be loud.
I wake up every morning grieving the night's unanswered prayer. I never will have the strength to do it, but to go so peacefully in my sleep? There would be no blame on anyone. I sleep easier blanketed by the comfort and relief of it being a possibility, but I doubt it will ever happen.
Dreams aren't the scary part, it's knowing I'll wake up with dry blurry eyes, and the weight of existence crushing my heart and chest. I won't be able to breathe for a few minutes, I might even dry cry a bit. I'll feel suffocated, and she'll cross my mind, and the streets outside will be loud.
I wake up every morning grieving the night's unanswered prayer. I never will have the strength to do it, but to go so peacefully in my sleep? There would be no blame on anyone. I sleep easier blanketed by the comfort and relief of it being a possibility, but I doubt it will ever happen.
