Vial of fentanyl

[Twistedliesinside]

Looking at about 10mg(10,000ug) of fentanyl from a medical source. Feels like putting a loaded gun to my head. I've been clean of every opioid for 49 days, but I could extinguish all hope of a future with a drop.
I thought I would only help others on this website, not ask for help. I don't ask for anything in this life, why would I care. Feels like I should apologise for everything I'm saying, but hey what else is this site for right?

Yes to everything
Even though it will kill me
How can I feel me?

Inner demons scream
Tear out my soul, oh God please
Nothing's what it seems

 

[Source Energy]

ctb. From what I know, it's even more peaceful a method than SN. I would take it.

 

[Twistedliesinside]

Thinking about it as I snort ketamine and take more clonazepam. Funnily enough I've been able to access far too many "peaceful" methods through dealers for about 8 years now. It's just the matter of pulling the trigger. Hahaha there's something so hilarious to me about being told to kill myself, it actually brings me joy.

 

[Twistedliesinside]

What a joke honestly. Just because I'm not in the recovery section, nobody would consider telling me to leave a dangerous medication alone? Is it because you're all longing for that sweet peaceful release it can provide? If you're not strong enough for life, you're certainly too weak for death. Know that almost nobody's opinion could sway me, I'd be a fool to let it. I'm still curious about how much this community would let me down if I allowed it. Although I appreciate and respect a few valuable people on here with beautiful minds.

Someone feel free to tell me to go fuck myself. I welcome your abuse! Hahahaha

 

[dimstar]

And I feel comfort with my clumpy sn. I said dont touch. Keep it, know you have a way out if you chose. I find it reliving although I get the temptation. I'm waiting for the perfect moment, maybe its dumb but I want to go sure of my last choice. Deathday can be anyday, certainly for you. If there no reason to rush let drama play out, go on a day when the mask is upside down. You have that power now. Keep it, wrap a bow around it, last gift to yourself.

 

[Twistedliesinside]

And I feel comfort with my clumpy sn. I said dont touch. Keep it, know you have a way out if you chose. I find it reliving although I get the temptation. I'm waiting for the perfect moment, maybe its dumb but I want to go sure of my last choice. Deathday can be anyday, certainly for you. If there no reason to rush let drama play out, go on a day when the mask is upside down. You have that power now. Keep it, wrap a bow around it, last gift to yourself.

Thank you. That comfort is something everyone deserves.

I realise I may have worded my original post in a way that people didn't notice I was asking for help for the first time... I consciously didn't label it as a help seeking post either because I don't feel comfortable even telling myself I might need help.

 

[dimstar]

Thank you. That comfort is something everyone deserves.

I realise I may have worded my original post in a way that people didn't notice I was asking for help for the first time... I consciously didn't label it as a help seeking post either because I don't feel comfortable even telling myself I might need help.

Asking for help when you feel like your already screaming for it suck. Were all on our own path certainly here, but absolutely deserve to have that comfort. It's up to you beyond that, alot of people are probably jealous who responded to the poll. Who clicks on fent threads more than people who want to ctb that means. I hope you finding comforting though as that's what matters, no one elses opinion.

 

[Twistedliesinside]

Asking for help when you feel like your already screaming for it suck. Were all on our own path certainly here, but absolutely deserve to have that comfort. It's up to you beyond that, alot of people are probably jealous who responded to the poll. Who clicks on fent threads more than people who want to ctb that means. I hope you finding comforting though as that's what matters, no one elses opinion.

I appreciate your compassion. I fail to see the reason to scream or even make a sound when it's been shown to be ignored my entire life. I've been conditioned to shut the fuck up and get on with it like so many others.

Do people not know how easy it is to get fentanyl? So easy that everyone who doesn't want it has it... It's a plague. You don't even need a medically clean source. Go on the street, you'll find it.

 

[dimstar]

It is my number 2. Though I'd rather sn but I guess that's a bigger crime now a days. If mine gets close to expiring please help me find some if your around. I have access to most drugs, but besides hoping it tainted I dont have f.
I hope you find your voice if that's what you want. Dont do what they told you. It shouldnt be as hard as it is.

 

[MindNomad]

I found one vial accidentally while cleaning a car (long story) and had a major emotional breakdown. Opioids scare the living shit out of me. Ultimately I didn't take it because of a mixture of fear, responsibility (it would be obvious where I got it and the former owner would get into trouble) and the sheer amount of thoughts/feeling going through me at that moment. Idk that moment still bothers me. I know it doesn't contribute to the discussion but a flashback of memories flowed through my mind. One thing that I can say is that I highly warn about 'abusing' = recreational use of opioids. All opioids are extremely addictive and toxic (I'm suicidal but I stray away from self harm which may be weird but I don't like to suffer) which in my perspective just prolonging the suffering. Most heroin related deaths in USA are related to fent because it's used to contaminate and make heroin stronger. Getting the doses right is extremely hard(unless you want to ctb). I'm extremely biased to opioids and scared of them but it's a sure way to go.

 

[Twistedliesinside]

I found one vial accidentally while cleaning a car (long story) and had a major emotional breakdown. Opioids scare the living shit out of me. Ultimately I didn't take it because of a mixture of fear, responsibility (it would be obvious where I got it and the former owner would get into trouble) and the sheer amount of thoughts/feeling going through me at that moment. Idk that moment still bothers me. I know it doesn't contribute to the discussion but a flashback of memories flowed through my mind. One thing that I can say is that I highly warn about 'abusing' = recreational use of opioids. All opioids are extremely addictive and toxic (I'm suicidal but I stray away from self harm which may be weird but I don't like to suffer) which in my perspective just prolonging the suffering. Most heroin related deaths in USA are related to fent because it's used to contaminate and make heroin stronger. Getting the doses right is extremely hard(unless you want to ctb). I'm extremely biased to opioids and scared of them but it's a sure way to go.

Were you introduced to opioids through prescribed pain relief? I hate them, having been addicted to them, getting past the point that it numbs emotional pain and instead traps you in your mind, experiencing psychological torment worse than death but unable to fight back.

 

[Twistedliesinside]

Well I'm about half way through the vial. Now the trick is stopping before I get heroin.

 

[Kundalini Guy]

Bro you're so lucky. In so much situations in my hellish life, I wanted something to just take that would kill me. If you know life is gon be harsh for you in the future, don't risk it and exit.

 

[MindNomad]

Were you introduced to opioids through prescribed pain relief? I hate them, having been addicted to them, getting past the point that it numbs emotional pain and instead traps you in your mind, experiencing psychological torment worse than death but unable to fight back.

Well actuall through my med school ^^ got kicked out of it tho because antidepressants (prescribed by a psychiatrist who didn't listen to me) I stated taking at that time got me into a vegetative state and I didn't pass exams. It wasn't in america though and to get opioids on prescription here is almost impossible, the adherence to the who's analgesic ladder is strictly controlled. So I didn't take them myself per say but I knew people (and was pretty close to one) who used to abuse tramadol. My parents used scare tactics when bringing me up and I still have some form of fear for substances. That being said I basically only feel happy when I drink and even then it's like 10℅ chance I'll feel amazing 90℅ I'll feel like shit. My previous psychiatrist r e a l l y messed me up xd Peeps whenever you get anything prescribed ask your doctor several times how it works and if they are sure it's good for you and read sources before you take it xd
I can't even imagine what you must be going through because of the sheer difference in how opioids vs alcohol work so I won't say that I understand but much love from me

 

[suicidalcatlady]

And I feel comfort with my clumpy sn. I said dont touch. Keep it, know you have a way out if you chose. I find it reliving although I get the temptation. I'm waiting for the perfect moment, maybe its dumb but I want to go sure of my last choice. Deathday can be anyday, certainly for you. If there no reason to rush let drama play out, go on a day when the mask is upside down. You have that power now. Keep it, wrap a bow around it, last gift to yourself.

Plz PM me if you were able to obtain in the US

 

[Twistedliesinside]

Unfortunately I don't think the whole vial could have killed me anyway. I have become too accustomed to avoiding pain with many drugs and alcohol. My biggest concern is just getting addicted to painkillers again, would make death an absolute need for me. Anything but painkillers I can survive with, it's just in the moment, those painkillers can wipe away all pain in life.

Well actuall through my med school ^^ got kicked out of it tho because antidepressants (prescribed by a psychiatrist who didn't listen to me) I stated taking at that time got me into a vegetative state and I didn't pass exams. It wasn't in america though and to get opioids on prescription here is almost impossible, the adherence to the who's analgesic ladder is strictly controlled. So I didn't take them myself per say but I knew people (and was pretty close to one) who used to abuse tramadol. My parents used scare tactics when bringing me up and I still have some form of fear for substances. That being said I basically only feel happy when I drink and even then it's like 10℅ chance I'll feel amazing 90℅ I'll feel like shit. My previous psychiatrist r e a l l y messed me up xd Peeps whenever you get anything prescribed ask your doctor several times how it works and if they are sure it's good for you and read sources before you take it xd
I can't even imagine what you must be going through because of the sheer difference in how opioids vs alcohol work so I won't say that I understand but much love from me

I'm surprised that the combination of med school and scare tactics against substances didn't cause you to reject alcohol? Alcohol is generally rated in the top 3 most harmful drugs if I recall, although every list is slightly different. I was the opposite though, seeing family die from alcohol caused me to try drugs before drinking.