Venting

[rejected]

I have wanted to be free from this existence for sometime now. I've had several attempts. Very uneducated ones in my younger days but as I've gotten older and really put a lot of time into research and gathering supplies for attempts. It's so damn frustrating and embarrassing to fail them. Its like an ultimate rejection/ affirming how pathetic I am and feel. I know it's a difficult task but I get kinda jealous hearing others succeed in attempts I've tried with much effort but failed. I'll be happy that they themselves have finally acquired peace. But it's like I'm always on the outside as an observer n that feeling really covers most aspects of my life. Everyone succeeds and gets what they want except me. No matter my frame of mind, no matter my effort no matter my determination. N even if things do change in my life where I don't feel the need to die so intensely or get things I think I want. I still feel empty, that is a constant. Everyone thinks I have a perfect life cause apparently "I'm too pretty to feel deep pain" (So many people have said this to me) it's sickening. I'm never taken seriously and it's like a joke, annoying or attention seeking if I talk about my discomfort. So I don't and I isolate and I go numb and dark and dream of death and go back into the cycle of attempting just so tired of failing.

 

[ClownMe]

I'm sorry you're in so much pain. I hope you can find eternal peace soon.

 

[rejected]

I'm sorry you're in so much pain. I hope you can find eternal peace soon.

Thank you. Me too

 

[SwimDeadPool]

I know exactly how you feel. I wish I knew a way to be ABSOLUTELY sure I wouldn't fail. I've done so much research but would hate not to finish the job. If I had two 100% methods I could combine, I would do them in an instant.
I hate to hear that you're hurting so much.

 

[FuneralCry]

I find it so horrifying how attempts to leave this world can fail, as humans we all deserve the option of a peaceful and reliable exit without having to worry about something going wrong, it's just so unfair how dying can be difficult.
I've always envied those who have managed to succeed as they are finally free from this cruel existence and it does make ctb sound so much easier than it actually is when you hear of how many succeed. I understand that it can be so tiring when you are trapped in an existence that you hate. I wish you freedom from all suffering.

 

[Nirrend]

Hi sweet @rejected

First of all, I'm really sorry, everything you're reporting here is terrible.

I totally understand the feeling, the injustice of not being taken seriously, or of others thinking that "everything is fine so they don't understand why you're not fine". I can imagine how unbearable that must make life.

Feeling entitled to nothing, feeling rejected, being described as just someone who has every reason to be okay, it shakes you to the core, it enrages you, it annihilates you and most of all, it makes you feel alone. Definitely alone.

I understand everything you describe.

You know, when it comes to feelings, there's no need to be legitimate or for judges to say that you have the right to suffer or not to suffer from an event. Because it's the person himself who defines what hurts him or not.

You can be deeply hurt by things that, in another person, will have absolutely no impact.

I respect your suffering and I understand it.

You are not alone here, and don't pay attention (although it's easier said than done) to what these people say, they speak with their naivety and bias.

If telling us about your pain, suffering and anger makes you feel good, then don't stop telling it, because like everyone else here, you deserve only happiness and respect. You are strong, you suffer and we will always love you here ❤❤

Loving you sweet @rejected ❤❤❤