Venting Venting about current situation and possible future that I can see

[Nonno_Eek]

Hi

For the last year, I was not into politics. But these year made realize that this country is doomed. I never seen people split with politics. I am apolitical myself but the other party is completely lying. It's stupid and they still defends it. The weather is bad, our place is always submerge in flood. I haven't gone to my class for three weeks because of it. Last month the flood reach us at the middle of lesson. I went home barefoot from the university. What is the local government plan? Partnering with Google for AI Flood monitoring. Google???? Monitor what? The ocean level? Most of the town flooded are not even near bodies of water.

This is so stupid. The older I grew up, the more I realize that this world is better of got destroyed.
This week getting into me again. Days ago I was m#l#sted. By him again. I tried to move away. I tried to kick him. He didn't stop until I fully breakdown and cries loudly enough. He got fucking braver, doing it while my mom is in the next room. I was reviewing for a midterm. I was crying, I was shaking. I don't really feel anything at this point. I sucks, it happened like 2 days ago and I'm completely desensitized to it. It's fucked up. It's horrible but I feel nothing after crying that loudly. I feel trapped because of dignity I have to keep up. It feels like a rain just poured. It happened, now what. It's weird that you feel like it's normal occurrence when it's not. I don't even know how I can face my mom and share jokes with her. 2 years ago I'm in shambles when he did it first time. I'm so fucking stupid for letting it happened. I don't wanna hurt my mom's feeling. She's precious to me but in return I'll just keep it to myself.

When I cried his first move is to shut me down. He told me to shut up or mom will hear me and they will separate. He knows what he's doing and still did it. He left, shut the door and grab a speaker and played music at high volume so that mom won't hear me breaking down. Thank God the class was suspended because it flooded on our area again. Or I'll go to school, answer the exam while mumbling how I want to die and kill him.

Today it's my younger sister making me feel hopeless. The whole department of education just announce that they will stop hiring teachers and cut funding. She just got into college for secondary education. What the fuck??? Guess why it happened in the first place. A vicepresident of the country embezzle money using department of education. Their solution is to cut educational funding. How cool is that? This is the person that the people tries to defend? I get that the people voted for this person are mostly uneducated. And they are trying to double the amount of uneducated so that they have sheep to herd. I never wanted to be a political person. There's no future here.

She's crying telling me that she didn't know what to do anymore. Being a teacher is not an option anymore. If she tries at a private school, she will earn nothing but scrap. This country sucks. We had talked a lot. About future and planning. We both come to an agreement that suicide is a better way to go than anything. We both don't see that we will reach 30.

I made up my mind. I will die by my own choice. Not today but surely I'll do it on the future.

I can no longer see myself loving another person, having a family or getting out of this poverty.

I am unlovable filthy woman. I cannot grasp the idea of romantically loving a person that will love me for what I am and them knowing what I've been through. They don't exist. In my place, a thought of a prince charming that wil save you will always remain an illusion. All I can do is to indulge myself with fantasy from fiction.

I hope that my sister really shift from different course like English major so she can leave this hellhole and work abroad. bye

 

[pickedmyctbdate]

Oh, God, I am so sorry this is happening to you. But you are not allowing this to happen. That's assault. It's 1000% his fault---0% yours.
Abusers are great gaslighters. That's how they get away with it.

His actions are his fault. I know I don't know you well enough to say very much with any certainty, but when someone is assaulted, I feel confident saying it is entirely the abuser's fault. Wanting to protect your mother's feelings is understandable---not stupid. I'm sure he knows he's got you in a terrible situation and it's his fault for abusing that situation.

I hope you can get out of that house, live somewhere else, and get away from him. It's hard to make a conscious choice about ending your life while this is happening to you.

 

[PersonBeforeLife]

NO! HE IS IN THE WRONG AND HAS COMMITED A CRIME AGAINST YOU. YOU ARE A VICTIM! YOU ARE INNOCENT!

Report it to the police. Report it to EVERYONE!

Secondly. VOTERS are morons... I know... I'm one of them which is why I won't vote on something unless I have at least a respectable understanding about it based on respectable sources. (So as you can guess I never really vote because I see all choices as currently useless focusing on symptoms rather than causes)

But seriously. REPORT REPORT REPORT REPORT REPORT REPORT REPORT REPORT the abomination doing that to you!!!!!

 

[SASU-KE]

You know, I remember seeing your username a long time ago and thinking it's like 'No no! eek!'.

I don't know if that was what it was meant to imply.

Hopefully something happens to him and you can be left in peace. I pray your situation improves.

Anyone can get out of poverty. My mother was a very poor woman from a small village. Her clothes used to have patchwork on them. Her father somehow sold everything he had and put her through Medical College. She became a very, very successful woman.

 

[pickedmyctbdate]

NO! HE IS IN THE WRONG AND HAS COMMITED A CRIME AGAINST YOU. YOU ARE A VICTIM! YOU ARE INNOCENT!

Report it to the police. Report it to EVERYONE!

Secondly. VOTERS are morons... I know... I'm one of them which is why I won't vote on something unless I have at least a respectable understanding about it based on respectable sources. (So as you can guess I never really vote because I see all choices as currently useless focusing on symptoms rather than causes)

But seriously. REPORT REPORT REPORT REPORT REPORT REPORT REPORT REPORT the abomination doing that to you!!!!!

It's not always that easy. Yes, he's committing a crime for which she is IN NO WAY responsible. But every survivor of assault needs to decide how many spoons she's got and what the best course of action is for her own situation and mental health.

Whether you want to report or not, Nonno, you have a support section right here for you!

Reporting is quite often retraumatizing. Apparently, the abuser is connected to her mother in some way, and she's trying to spare her mother's feelings, which is understandable. The relationship is not made clear in the text. At first glance, it reads like the assailant is her mother's partner---but the text doesn't say that. We don't know what his relationship to the family is.

Law enforcement and the courts are, at best, difficult and insensitive to sexual assault survivors. Police are still trained to push for a victim to report by saying, "You can prevent this from happening to another women," which is not the victim's responsibility and just piles on more guilt and shame.

And even if everything rolled her way, sentences for this type of crime are ridiculously light. Meanwhile, she's already having suicidal thoughts and blaming herself.

Whether to report is something only the victim can decide, and it's not an easy decision. That's why it's such a underreported crime. I didn't report it when I was sexually assaulted, and my situation wasn't nearly as complex. (He had no relationship to my family. I had support, but definitely many who would have supported my assailant had I chosen to report.) I wasn't in a position emotionally to put myself through that. I have no regrets. I healed much faster.

This guy sounds like a real bastard. Whether to report or not report, there's no wrong decision there. Only what's best for her. Right now, I'm more concerned with how she can get out of that environment, get away from the guy, realize it's NOT her fault that she's being manipulated and abused. Making the victim feel it's somehow her fault is Page One of the rapist's playbook.

One of my younger relatives was in a "consensual" relationship with one of her middle school teachers. When she drummed up the courage to disclose to me, my first reaction was to kill the bastard with my bare hands! I honestly think I could have, too!

But I had to think about what she needed first, which was to recognize that this was abuse, not "true love," that he was manipulating her, that a man her father's age has no business getting sexually involved with a pre-teen. My knee-jerk reaction to white-knight her and kill the motherfucker (while understandable!) was not in HER best interests, and she was my priority. Turned out he had more than one "true love" in that school and his behavior caught up to him soon enough, while still protecting her at a time when she wasn't ready to even see it as non-consensual by definition. She was nowhere near ready to report; she didn't want others in the family to know (gossipy family--everyone would have found out!)

It's complicated.