sulkygirl
Member
- Nov 2, 2024
- 22
I told them I'm better. I'm better right? Really I'm fine I think.
I haven't blocked him. Although I haven't talked to him either. He's 27 and I'm not old enough to even drink. I think he fancies me. "My purpose in life is building up my community. What about you? To be a housewife for someone." What a fucking bitch. Although at least it'd give me an excuse to give up working. I have no motivation for anything anymore.
I'm so fucking behind in school. Like so fucking behind. It's too late to put in the work and catch up. I'm just a failure now.
I wonder when she's coming back. My ex. I'm so scared of it. I know she will eventually. Sometimes the only thing keeping me alive is the fact I know she's watching and that if I die she'll die. A suicide pact I did not willingly accept. But I can't do it until I know for certain she's forgotten me. A year wasn't enough last time. She was posting all about me all year. "I can't stop thinking about her when I see that emoji" or "she's writing a book now apparently." I mean I only saw when she got back and gave me her socials and stupidly searched my name but... Urgh... So maybe two years. Or three. That feels forever away though. And I still don't know if it'll be enough.
She said she'd violate me at some point a couple months ago. That it would be "fun". I think she was joking but when I laughed nervously and said "woah what a normal conversation with my ex" she shrugged and said "normal enough". I would never say it to her but I kinda wish she would. Not that I'd ever want to fuck her but... It'd make me finally feel loved, no, cared about by her for once. Even if it's the way you care about an object.
I need to tell someone this shit but I idk...
I haven't blocked him. Although I haven't talked to him either. He's 27 and I'm not old enough to even drink. I think he fancies me. "My purpose in life is building up my community. What about you? To be a housewife for someone." What a fucking bitch. Although at least it'd give me an excuse to give up working. I have no motivation for anything anymore.
I'm so fucking behind in school. Like so fucking behind. It's too late to put in the work and catch up. I'm just a failure now.
I wonder when she's coming back. My ex. I'm so scared of it. I know she will eventually. Sometimes the only thing keeping me alive is the fact I know she's watching and that if I die she'll die. A suicide pact I did not willingly accept. But I can't do it until I know for certain she's forgotten me. A year wasn't enough last time. She was posting all about me all year. "I can't stop thinking about her when I see that emoji" or "she's writing a book now apparently." I mean I only saw when she got back and gave me her socials and stupidly searched my name but... Urgh... So maybe two years. Or three. That feels forever away though. And I still don't know if it'll be enough.
She said she'd violate me at some point a couple months ago. That it would be "fun". I think she was joking but when I laughed nervously and said "woah what a normal conversation with my ex" she shrugged and said "normal enough". I would never say it to her but I kinda wish she would. Not that I'd ever want to fuck her but... It'd make me finally feel loved, no, cared about by her for once. Even if it's the way you care about an object.
I need to tell someone this shit but I idk...
