Venting vent?

[ogerpon]

I was trying to impulsively CTB tonight via partial suspension (using a necktie and a bar in my closet), but I am horrible at tying knots. I cannot tie my shoes the "regular way" and had to learn an alternative way in third grade. After half an hour, I managed to figure out a slip knot, but I accidentally undid it when I was adjusting things. So, now I am taking a break. I might try again tonight, I might not. In an ideal world, I'd clean my apartment and my electronics and write an informal will and note. The most I was going to write tonight was "please don't go through my stuff", but that might make them want to more.

I don't know how much longer I can take of living like this. Thinking about CTB and planning/preparing for it provides me with a level of clarity that I don't get otherwise. I want to feel nothing, to have no responsibilities or changes. To be permanently nonexistent. No amount of recovery will get me to the point that death will. I want to give up.

 

[LaVieEnRose]

I'm sorry. That method is infamous for being very tricky. It seems people either do it on the first try or never at all.

 

[FuneralCry]

It's really understandable just wishing for the eternity of non-existence, it's all I've ever wished for, in my case I certainly see existence as something that is best forgotten about which is why it's inhumane how we cannot just easily free ourselves in peace. It shouldn't be so difficult to permanently escape from this cruel existence but anyway I hope that you eventually find the freedom you search for.