vent again

[meddle]

i just... idk

im so fucking tired. its cool, that those people who are supposed to help me are not helping! im talking about my therapist. her schedule has changed due to some kind of studying, idk. and i cant meet her on friday, as we met last week, because im going to the psychiatrist. and she still cant tell me when she has a free time this week it could be either wednesday or thursday, because i dont have time on friday. well, or on saturday? sunday? idk... i dont know anything anymore

to be honest, i feel like really giving up and not doing anything. except ordering sn

thank you very much world, thank you very much people!

everyone is so indifferent. they just dont want to dirty their conscience. and plus, they dont want to face the unpleasant topic of suicide

people just cant accept the fact that a person can choose for himself. cant accept the fact that life can be unbearable for someone. but no, suicide is very very bad! but what to do? since no one can or wants to help either....

fuck this world. im fed up

 

[metfan647]

I have very little experience with seeking help like this. Is it a known thing that they would duck appointments with people who express being suicidal or having certain vulnerabilities?

I thought this was their bread and butter.

 

[meddle]

I have very little experience with seeking help like this. Is it a known thing that they would duck appointments with people who express being suicidal or having certain vulnerabilities?

I thought this was their bread and butter.

i dont really know. i dont want to think bad about her or say bad things, but... idk. she knows that im suicidal. that i have problems. well could she just please tell me when exactly she has time for me? for our appointment, which is PAID?

it pisses me off so badly

oh and also! my first psychiatrist. i was seeing her for 2 fucking years. all those years i was talking about how fucking suicidal am i, about fucking sn... i told her every damn thing! i only didnt tell her a date, well because i never planned a date, because that scared me so much. so my attempt was kinda unplanned. well not exactly unplanned, i had ordered sn and wrote notes, but i didnt have an exact date. so my psychiatrist knew about all of this. and after our last appointment i didnt made the next appointment (idk how to say it... english is not my native language...), although i always did. was it obvious? well of course! and zeeo fucks given! she didnt notice, didnt ask anything. i attempted. after my attempt my parents wrote to her, they told her about what i did. and zero fucks given again! she didnt even ask how was i. and this is not a free, but a fucking paid professional

 

[metfan647]

i dont really know. i dont want to think bad about her or say bad things, but... idk. she knows that im suicidal. that i have problems. well could she just please tell me when exactly she has time for me? for our appointment, which is PAID?

it pisses me off so badly

oh and also! my first psychiatrist. i was seeing her for 2 fucking years. all those years i was talking about how fucking suicidal am i, about fucking sn... i told her every damn thing! i only didnt tell her a date, well because i never planned a date, because that scared me so much. so my attempt was kinda unplanned. well not exactly unplanned, i had ordered sn and wrote notes, but i didnt have an exact date. so my psychiatrist knew about all of this. and after our last appointment i didnt made the next appointment (idk how to say it... english is not my native language...), although i always did. was it obvious? well of course! and zeeo fucks given! she didnt notice, didnt ask anything. i attempted. after my attempt my parents wrote to her, they told her about what i did. and zero fucks given again! she didnt even ask how was i. and this is not a free, but a fucking paid professional

Granted she may have had legitimate scheduling issues, there are definitely A LOT of people in the wrong jobs. Unfortunately every jobs just gets treated as a job in the end (although I'm sure there are some caring people out there who put the wellbeing of patients and clients ahead of all else).

 

[meddle]

Granted she may have had legitimate scheduling issues, there are definitely A LOT of people in the wrong jobs. Unfortunately every jobs just gets treated as a job in the end (although I'm sure there are some caring people out there who put the wellbeing of patients and clients ahead of all else).

i get that she may have legitimate scheduling issues... i just want her to just answer me. so i could... idk, plan my week?

im so tired and disappointed

 

[metfan647]

i get that she may have legitimate scheduling issues... i just want her to just answer me. so i could... idk, plan my week?

im so tired and disappointed

I totally missed that point. My brain is fried.

 

[meddle]

I totally missed that point. My brain is fried.

no worries, buddy, its alright! and also an update if n case you care, haha. i talked to my mum and the talk helped me a bit. and also my therapist finally replied

but i was so low, that i was thinking about actually purchasing sn

 

[metfan647]

no worries, buddy, its alright! and also an update if n case you care, haha. i talked to my mum and the talk helped me a bit. and also my therapist finally replied

but i was so low, that i was thinking about actually purchasing sn

That's positive. Things can turn around pretty quickly.

 

[deadngoresurgery]

i just... idk

im so fucking tired. its cool, that those people who are supposed to help me are not helping! im talking about my therapist. her schedule has changed due to some kind of studying, idk. and i cant meet her on friday, as we met last week, because im going to the psychiatrist. and she still cant tell me when she has a free time this week it could be either wednesday or thursday, because i dont have time on friday. well, or on saturday? sunday? idk... i dont know anything anymore

to be honest, i feel like really giving up and not doing anything. except ordering sn

thank you very much world, thank you very much people!

everyone is so indifferent. they just dont want to dirty their conscience. and plus, they dont want to face the unpleasant topic of suicide

people just cant accept the fact that a person can choose for himself. cant accept the fact that life can be unbearable for someone. but no, suicide is very very bad! but what to do? since no one can or wants to help either....

fuck this world. im fed up

yeah thats why i dont really care much for therapy. theres no point. at the end of the day, they dont care and just do it for the money. maybe theres some who actually care, but i dont think many do. theyll forget. its not the same. i went for a month after something terrible happened and i had no one, but it didnt work. but maybe thats cuz i stopped going. it was free too, and i dont got the money for therapy. this shit is fucked up. if youre poor, youre kinda fucked since you have no money to pay for therapy. overall, fuck this. im gonna buy rope and some other shit today so i can try to craft a helium exit bag and commit suicide. im genuinely done after what happened.