I just want to vent a little bit about my experiences when I attempted (please don'tal ask for tips or advice). I've had a few attempts where I could just kind of get out of my body and surrender myself to the feeling of peace. Like if all of the attachments to my body could be released and I could float away. But the last attachment felt like a thin but firm elastic band that I couldn't get rid of. It was like that was the last thread that kept me here. It was not a thought about "what if" or any kind of fear. Just like really really sticky gum on your shoe.
I hate that I couldn't let go and that's why I'm still here. The worst part is that I feel like the feeling of determination and willingness is not present as often as it was a few months ago and it's frustrating. I still want to leave. I'm still depressed. And I know I shouldn't be hard on myself, but I'm angry that I have failed so many times.
I hate that I couldn't let go and that's why I'm still here. The worst part is that I feel like the feeling of determination and willingness is not present as often as it was a few months ago and it's frustrating. I still want to leave. I'm still depressed. And I know I shouldn't be hard on myself, but I'm angry that I have failed so many times.
