SmallKoy
Aficionado
- Jan 18, 2024
- 230
I hate existing, especially on days like this where everything just seems to be going poorly for me. I turned off my phone notifications, I'm not going to talk to anybody. I wish I wasn't so afraid of pain. If I had an 'off button' I would immediately press it. College is suffocating. I don't want to worry about it right now, but if I waste away my day by not being productive and doing work I just feel more suicidal because I feel lazy. I wish I didn't have to worry about this. Even on days where I am productive, and I go outside and do things I still can't feel content with myself. Always have to do more. More until I burn out and lay in bed all day. I feel disgusting, unclean and unworthy of anything.
What sucks is how afraid I am at the thought of a potential afterlife. The only thought that gives me any kind of relief is believing that after we die, there is simply nothing.
What sucks is how afraid I am at the thought of a potential afterlife. The only thought that gives me any kind of relief is believing that after we die, there is simply nothing.