using religion to conceal and justify abuse

[violetforever]

did anyone else get so unlucky to be born into a family like this? my grandpa abused my grandma along with my mother and aunt when they were children. he became religious later in life, sometime around when i was born. he's forced religion onto our entire family since i was a child. from as young as age 7, i was told i would burn in hell if i didn't believe in god. i hated growing up like this and i wished so badly to be apart of a nonreligious family. only later in life when i finally learned of what my grandpa did, i started to understand that religion is a mask. he's brainwashed my mom into being the same. now she defends his abuse when she used to denounce it in the past. she defends her abusive behavior towards her own children too. anytime i try to bring up how both of them are abusive she will say things like "my life is about god now" or "god forgives all sins". that's her entire argument when criticized. it must be so nice to be a delusional abusive piece of shit and truly believe that a religion excuses how many peoples lives you've ruined. my mother and grandpa honestly believe they are good people. they even talk shit about everyone else in my family and how flawed we are for not being as religious as them. anything we do or say that they don't like is deemed as "demonic". i can't see religion as anything more than a control and fear tactic at this point.

 

[eggsausagerice]

ex-muslim. being religious and born into a religion that doesn't believe you should have rights while everyone tries to gaslight you into think it's better than being a demonic westerner is actually worse than burning in hell forever. fights with my parents when i was younger made me want to die. they mellowed out more now that i'm older. they didn't let me do anything on my own now i'm too scared to do anything on my own. my social skills are out of wack bc i didn't mesh well with anyone in my community. i don't mesh well with people outside of my community either. i feel like a weird in betweener. my sister's better at code switching and probably believes in god still. i don't believe in god because i hate that people tried to control me just because i was born a woman. women are made to be misogynistic bc of misogynistic men feeding them those ideals through religion and fear. it sucks for everyone except the men in power.

my mom holds religion over my head. both my parents are religious, but my mom objectified me as a kid and told me that guys would try to date me if i showed too much skin or didn't wear my hijab. it made me feel disgusted with myself from a young age. i didn't understand. boys didn't like me because they thought i was weird, but older guys liked me because they saw me as an easy target. the family dynamic feels very toxic. i'm very distant from my family even though i live with them bc i feel uncomfortable around them. some days i feel worse about it than others. in the past, i would break down and cry about it because i felt like there would never be an escape. i would just rot forever here and wait to die. i told my dad i didn't want to be born after my mom told me that i should become a prostitute and die, and my dad got upset at me because that goes against the quran. i don't know if my dad's ever understood what it's like to feel completely powerless.

all religions are slop to me, but i wish i was born christian or something adjacent to it. no one else i know is ex-muslim or has a muslim family, and it makes me feel lonely. for years i would pretend my family was christian to be normal bc i know people make jokes about muslims being terrorist, but now i just tell people that my family's muslim. i don't really feel understood by anyone because i was born into a religion that i didn't want to be in and i'm worried people will make fun of me if i talk about it.

 

[vyvanceandvodka]

i understand. i have religious trauma and now don't like religion at all. it's awful

 

[Dejected 55]

There are absolutely people who use religion to excuse current bad behavior AND as a deodorant for past sins as well. There's a whole inescapable irony involved in many religions where you can live a bad life but repent in the eleventh hour and be forgiven, whereas someone who never was a believer but was otherwise a good person is considered sinful by the religious. It's kind of fucked up.

To be fair, I've known decent religious people too... who not only didn't use their religion to defend their own bad behavior but also didn't excuse others who used it as a shield either. There are bad people all around, and it is a shame to see people using religion as a "get out of jail free" card.

 

[InvasionOfPublicity]

ex-muslim. being religious and born into a religion that doesn't believe you should have rights while everyone tries to gaslight you into think it's better than being a demonic westerner is actually worse than burning in hell forever. fights with my parents when i was younger made me want to die. they mellowed out more now that i'm older. they didn't let me do anything on my own now i'm too scared to do anything on my own. my social skills are out of wack bc i didn't mesh well with anyone in my community. i don't mesh well with people outside of my community either. i feel like a weird in betweener. my sister's better at code switching and probably believes in god still. i don't believe in god because i hate that people tried to control me just because i was born a woman. women are made to be misogynistic bc of misogynistic men feeding them those ideals through religion and fear.

my mom holds religion over my head. both my parents are religious, but my mom objectified me as a kid and told me that guys would try to date me if i showed too much skin or didn't wear my hijab. it made me feel disgusted with myself from a young age. i didn't understand. boys didn't like me because they thought i was weird, but older guys liked me because they saw me as an easy target. my sister came out more normal than me because she doesn't hate herself as much, but the family dynamic feels very toxic. some days i feel worse about it than others. in the past, i would break down and cry about it because i felt like there would never be an escape. i would just rot forever here and wait to die. i told my dad i didn't want to be born after my mom told me that i should become a prostitute and die, and my dad got upset at me because that goes against the quran. i don't know if my dad's ever understood what it's like to feel completely powerless.

all religions are slop to me, but i wish i was born christian or something adjacent to it. no one else i know is ex-muslim or has a muslim family, and it makes me feel lonely. for years i would pretend my family was christian to be normal bc i know people make jokes about muslims being terrorist, but now i just tell people that my family's muslim. i don't really feel understood by anyone because i was born into a religion that i didn't want to be in and i'm worried people will make fun of me if i talk about it.

im so sorry for your experience. i feel bad for anyone who has dealt with this. im also muslim, but i've gone through my own phases and struggles with faith. you are not wrong for wanting to abandon what you went through. your family's misguidance and abuse towards you is not justifiable or "holy" in any way and i hope they suffer for what they put you through. your emotions are totally valid and i hope you can one day separate the trauma you experienced from the religion, as well as find peace outside of it.

 

[eggsausagerice]

im also muslim, but i've gone through my own phases and struggles with faith. you are not wrong for wanting to abandon what you went through. your family's misguidance and abuse towards you is not justifiable or "holy" in any way and i hope they suffer for what they put you through. your emotions are totally valid and i hope you can one day separate the trauma you experienced from the religion, as well as find peace outside of it.

thank you dawg. i really appreciate what you said. i still feel nostalgic for the time i spent being taught in a muslim high school and middle school, because that's all my childhood really was. i still remember going down to the gas station or mcdonalds while wearing my school uniform. it's so depressing that most of the kids i knew were yelled at by teachers or by their parents, because they didn't know how to discipline their kids besides making them scared of punishment. i was a very apathetic kid when it came to punishments and burning in hell. it kept being talked about so much that i became desensitized to the idea that i would burn in hell if i didn't fast during ramadan or didn't do my five daily prayers. i don't think about islam that much because i've separated myself from the community after leaving high school, but the misogyny (though homophobia and transphobia is also rampant in islam because it's predominantly straight people) is what makes me the most upset. i hate that my mother is a misogynist. i don't know why she hates me.

 

[InvasionOfPublicity]

i hate that my mother is a misogynist. i don't know why she hates me.

i get you. i spent my adolescence in a "muslim" country (Dubai, yuck ) and they have the most hypocritical culture there. this is how most modern muslims are. its sad because i truly do believe that Islam is a beautiful religion on its own, its just that there are so many parents and older people who have twisted it to become something horrific. my dad used to whip me for not wanting to go to taraweeh prayers and stuff, so that made me hate praying and the religion in general. ive grown to make peace with it, but its a sad reality for a lot of kids being raised in muslim households.

i don't think your mom hates you specifically, but i believe that she probably hates herself along with the world she grew up in, so she takes it out on you for being more open to new experiences/wanting to try different cultures.

 

[violetforever]

i don't believe in god because i hate that people tried to control me just because i was born a woman. women are made to be misogynistic bc of misogynistic men feeding them those ideals through religion and fear. it sucks for everyone except the men in power.

this is exactly how i feel about it too. i view religion as being led by men and made for men.

my mom holds religion over my head. both my parents are religious, but my mom objectified me as a kid and told me that guys would try to date me if i showed too much skin or didn't wear my hijab. it made me feel disgusted with myself from a young age. i didn't understand. boys didn't like me because they thought i was weird, but older guys liked me because they saw me as an easy target. the family dynamic feels very toxic. i'm very distant from my family even though i live with them bc i feel uncomfortable around them. some days i feel worse about it than others. in the past, i would break down and cry about it because i felt like there would never be an escape. i would just rot forever here and wait to die. i told my dad i didn't want to be born after my mom told me that i should become a prostitute and die, and my dad got upset at me because that goes against the quran. i don't know if my dad's ever understood what it's like to feel completely powerless.

my family is so intense about maintaining purity and they push it onto me too. one time i overheard my mom talking with my grandpa about how they're relieved and proud that i'm not a "whore" because i haven't slept with a man yet. it makes me want to puke knowing that my own family would talk about me in that way. and of course i haven't done that because i haven't even dated or kissed a man because of how fucking afraid they made me of them. i lack social skills like you because my family sheltered me as well. even when i was as old as 17 my grandpa got mad at me for watching a tv show because it showed kissing. i'm not close with my family either. how good or bad my day is depends on how much i have to interact with them because just being in their presence bothers me. i don't understand how our family can say insanely offensive things but still reassure themselves that they are so holy. like surely it goes against some religious rule to tell your own daughter to die? i'm sorry you had to hear that from your mom

all religions are slop to me, but i wish i was born christian or something adjacent to it. no one else i know is ex-muslim or has a muslim family, and it makes me feel lonely. for years i would pretend my family was christian to be normal bc i know people make jokes about muslims being terrorist, but now i just tell people that my family's muslim. i don't really feel understood by anyone because i was born into a religion that i didn't want to be in and i'm worried people will make fun of me if i talk about it.

i was made fun of for having a christian family but i know exactly what u mean. at least in america, i know christianity is like the most widely accepted religion. i was never even allowed to believe in the spiritual beliefs of my own culture because my family only accepted christianity. it makes me feel the same as u when u said u feel like an inbetweener. i feel like anyone of my culture who was allowed to be apart of it wouldn't include me now because my family kept me from it for my entire life.

i understand. i have religious trauma and now don't like religion at all. it's awful

it never made me feel protected. it always felt like a punishment.

There's a whole inescapable irony involved in many religions where you can live a bad life but repent in the eleventh hour and be forgiven, whereas someone who never was a believer but was otherwise a good person is considered sinful by the religious. It's kind of fucked up.

lol my grandpa loves to overuse this example exactly as you've written it and it only drives me further away from religion. god has so much mercy for sinners but not for a good person who actually deserves it?…

 

[MyPropellerWontSpin]

ex-muslim. being religious and born into a religion that doesn't believe you should have rights while everyone tries to gaslight you into think it's better than being a demonic westerner is actually worse than burning in hell forever. fights with my parents when i was younger made me want to die. they mellowed out more now that i'm older. they didn't let me do anything on my own now i'm too scared to do anything on my own. my social skills are out of wack bc i didn't mesh well with anyone in my community. i don't mesh well with people outside of my community either. i feel like a weird in betweener. my sister's better at code switching and probably believes in god still. i don't believe in god because i hate that people tried to control me just because i was born a woman. women are made to be misogynistic bc of misogynistic men feeding them those ideals through religion and fear. it sucks for everyone except the men in power.

my mom holds religion over my head. both my parents are religious, but my mom objectified me as a kid and told me that guys would try to date me if i showed too much skin or didn't wear my hijab. it made me feel disgusted with myself from a young age. i didn't understand. boys didn't like me because they thought i was weird, but older guys liked me because they saw me as an easy target. the family dynamic feels very toxic. i'm very distant from my family even though i live with them bc i feel uncomfortable around them. some days i feel worse about it than others. in the past, i would break down and cry about it because i felt like there would never be an escape. i would just rot forever here and wait to die. i told my dad i didn't want to be born after my mom told me that i should become a prostitute and die, and my dad got upset at me because that goes against the quran. i don't know if my dad's ever understood what it's like to feel completely powerless.

all religions are slop to me, but i wish i was born christian or something adjacent to it. no one else i know is ex-muslim or has a muslim family, and it makes me feel lonely. for years i would pretend my family was christian to be normal bc i know people make jokes about muslims being terrorist, but now i just tell people that my family's muslim. i don't really feel understood by anyone because i was born into a religion that i didn't want to be in and i'm worried people will make fun of me if i talk about it.

I genuinely bawled my eyes out reading this, my situation is almost entirely the same as yours, I truly believe if I was born in a non-muslim family I wouldn't be as close to committing suicide as I am right now, religion has suffocated me to an extent I can't even begin to describe, I'm already dead, but once I truly die at my own hands, in my family's eyes all I'll be is a sinner who burns in hell for eternity. They would probably grieve to some extent but that's so ironic because they already want people like me dead or killed, cus I don't believe in god and I'm queer (they don't know either of those things obviously). I don't know a single ex-muslim either, sometimes I feel like I'm not real or everyone around me isn't, I can't stand this, I'm so isolated and miserable no one knows me, this isn't what life is supposed to feel like.

I'm so unbelievably ashamed of the culture and religion I was raised with, I've also never mentioned it to others, I'm so used to tip toeing around it, it's so humiliating. I feel sub-human. This is the first time I'm talking about this, I always lie about it online, being perceived with anything related to this religion makes my skin crawl but there's no point in lying now, I'll be gone soon. I yearned, I yearned so desperately for parents who would love me more than a convoluted concept called "god", but I'm not even a close second. Religion is so deeply ingrained in every aspect of my life, I can never outrun it. I'm convinced I wasn't born to live.

I just want you to know I understand you entirely, every single line you wrote. Ex-muslim voices matter, but I've lived life hoping other voices could speak loud enough to make up for my silence. I'm so tired of living like that. I'm a coward through and through.
There's a video I'd like to share with you if that's ok, it helped me quite a bit



The conculsion made me cry my heart out when I first watched it, god....all I do is weep.
I adore this youtuber, his content has helped me so much and I'm glad I found it.
I would also recommend watching another one of his videos "attackind ideas | my changing view of Islam" if you find the time.