UPDATE! Failed Partial and i tried for hours!! Im so upset Im still alive

[dust-in-the-wind]

I did everything I read on here for partial. I had a 12mm poly rope with slip knot. Put the knot towards the back of my neck under and under my chin and I could NOT pass out! I tried for like 5 hours this weekend. All different positions. I was determined and not even that scared. My mental suffering is unbearable. I'm so upset I'm still alive. I am going to try again next weekend using a scarf like Kate Spade and L.Wren Scott did so easily. My neck is skinny I felt the rope was too thick for me. Thank you all for thinking of me

 

[setspiritfree]

I did everything I read on here for partial. I had a 12mm poly rope with slip knot. Put the knot towards the back of my neck under and under my chin and I could NOT pass out! I tried for like 5 hours this weekend. All different positions. My mental suffering is unbearable. I'm so upset I'm still alive. I am going to try again next weekend using a scarf like Kate Spade and L.Wren Scott did so easily. My neck is skinny I felt the rope was too thick for me. Thank you all for thinking of me

I feel your pain. This mental anguish is too much. The back and forth only to still be breathing air. I just want it to be over but my si is a bitch right now. I hope that you find peace.

 

[badatparties]

I'm sorry you're going through this. All we can do is send you our best wishes. Peace be with you. You seem like such a gentle soul.

 

[Nightfoot]

From the posts I've read, partial seems to have a high failure rate although, clearly, it has worked for some. I'm sorry your suffering is continuing.

 

[rs929]

The thing with partial is that it seems very hard to pull off, but each time you are actually trying to actually kill yourself and there's something a bit traumatizing in it.
I know you have the ilussion of finally bring an end to your pain, but I would question whether keeping trying partial hanging is actually worth it.
Maybe you are lucky and manage to pull it off, but I have my doubts it's actually worth it.
Is it your first suicide attempt?

 

[hmnow]

I did everything I read on here for partial. I had a 12mm poly rope with slip knot. Put the knot towards the back of my neck under and under my chin and I could NOT pass out! I tried for like 5 hours this weekend. All different positions. I was determined and not even that scared. My mental suffering is unbearable. I'm so upset I'm still alive. I am going to try again next weekend using a scarf like Kate Spade and L.Wren Scott did so easily. My neck is skinny I felt the rope was too thick for me. Thank you all for thinking of me

I have attempted and failed - so I feel what you are going through - I will think positive thoughts for you

 

[dust-in-the-wind]

The thing with partial is that it seems very hard to pull off, but each time you are actually trying to actually kill yourself and there's something a bit traumatizing in it.
I know you have the ilussion of finally bring an end to your pain, but I would question whether keeping trying partial hanging is actually worth it.
Maybe you are lucky and manage to pull it off, but I have my doubts it's actually worth it.
Is it your first suicide attempt?

Yes first attempt. I'm hoping the scarves will work better. I read online somewhere that 70% of hangings were partials. So I'm hopeful.

 

[madameviolette]

I still don't understand how it's possible of dying while hanging touching the ground.

 

[Steph99]

I still don't understand how it's possible of dying while hanging touching the ground.

Your brain is deprived of blood and you are unconscious very quickly - if you find the sweet spot that compresses the arteries. That bit is very hit or miss.

 

[madameviolette]

Your brain is deprived of blood and you are unconscious very quickly - if you find the sweet spot that compresses the arteries. That bit is very hit or miss.

Yeah but it always amaze me

 

[Steph99]

Yes! Is quite amazing when you think about it!

 

[Terrible_Life]

Hi , I think we never chatted with each other but I read your goodbye past on that day and it made me so sad especially the part where you mentioned your depression and that you don't want to continue living like that. I absolutely understand that because i also suffer from depression and it just doesn't stop its omnipresent. You goodbye thread reminded me that there are so many people in this world who suffer from mental pain and they have enough from it and wanna leave.
I'm glad that you didn't damage your neck. I'll do full hanging and i can only recommend it because its much safer as a method than partial.

 

[Forever Sleep]

I'm so sorry you went through this. To gather the courage to do it and then, go through all that. I hope it hasn't left you in more physical pain although, I imagine the mental anguish must be terrible.

 

[Gustav Hartmann]

If you would have hanged full you would be dead now! If you are determined and not scared what prevents you from full hanging?

 

[siouxsie]

From the posts I've read, partial seems to have a high failure rate although, clearly, it has worked for some. I'm sorry your suffering is continuing.

Actually, from what I've learned in med school, most successful hanging suicides are actually partial suspension, not full. But than again as soon as a toenail touches the ground it will medically be termed partial.

 

[dontwakemeup]

It takes so many for one to finally decide to ctb. It is not the easiest decision to make. We plan and go over the plan several times and think it will work. I've failed a few times so I completely understand how you feel. I have even wrote goodbye notes, videos and mentally prepared to leave.

I will never forget those attempts were the happiest days I've had in a long, long, time. Then anger sets in. It's just a roller coaster of emotions.

I hope today is a better day for you. Try to find a reason to smile, even if it means eating the whole tub of ice-cream in bed lol. I'm really sorry your attempt failed.

 

[Realgar]

I think locating the Carotid Arteries in the neck is important.

 

[CatLvr]

Gosh, I am so sorry you are going through this. Ctb is hard. Even when it is ALL you want in the world. Please be gentle with yourself. There is NOTHING wrong with wanting peace. And doing what you need to do to attain that peace. Know my thoughts are with you.

 

[rs929]

@dust-in-the-wind

 

[StoicPizza]

I feel your pain. This mental anguish is too much. The back and forth only to still be breathing air. I just want it to be over but my si is a bitch right now. I hope that you find peace.

Same experience earlier this month. Same feelings of grief afterward. Have stopped trying partial for now because the most that happens is passing out for a few seconds and waking up dizzy. And neck pain that lasts days