Unwanted: I have never been loved or been anyone’s special

[hellispink]

I wonder how it feels to be loved. Not even my parents love me, they don't care two cents. I have always pretended I don't care about it and most days I don't, but then some weird days I wonder how it feels to be loved or wanted.

 

[catflowers]

hello I would like you to explain a little more on why yourr parent's don't give a fuck about you. did you do something to them or are they just shitty.
also even if you don't feel loved right now does not mean nobody will ever make you feel loved in the future

 

[TheSkyIsBlue]

I know how you feel. It feels horrible when there's no one who will be there for you when times are tough.

 

[Raskolnikov's Axe]

I can relate on the grounds of romantic love with you. Seems like in romance I was always someone's backup. Never enough, no matter how hard I tried. Even though that times has passed, I have rejected several women because now I just believe I am too damaged and not enough to be a decent partner someone deserves.

 

[JustSwingingTheD]

I wonder how it feels to be loved. Not even my parents love me, they don't care two cents. I have always pretended I don't care about it and most days I don't, but then some weird days I wonder how it feels to be loved or wanted.

Some people have a never ending thirst for love, but have none of it to give to anyone. Some people have lots of love to give, but receive very little of it.

I think that most people are worthless and their love is equally worthless. I think that people who are actually worth of loving/being loved by will never come to notice miserable fucks like me. And i'm thankful of it, because i am a miserable self hating fuck, and no good for those people to be around.

That's as much love as anyone is going to get from me.

 

[Funeralprincess]

Well everyone's love for me (romantic and platonic) was fake so I couldn't tell you. What I can say is love ultimately leads many people to commit suicide

 

[Rational man]

I wonder how it feels to be loved. Not even my parents love me, they don't care two cents. I have always pretended I don't care about it and most days I don't, but then some weird days I wonder how it feels to be loved or wanted.

I think the most important LOVE is love of oneself. Having found that in YOU, it manifests outwards to others. Your parents didn't show love because they probably didn't love themselves. I did see this in my dysfunctional parents. Fortunately I fled at 18 and found the things i needed like love. Its not easy and i carry the scars even now.

 

[Pluto]

I've had this experience too. I was never loved as a child (putting it mildly) and it's led directly to being unlovable as an adult. Something just isn't there, so I can only function as a sort of empty shell. I wish I could at least know what it feels like to be loved before I die.

 

[brokensea]

I wonder what it would feel like too. I've always had a picture of it and believed other people did love me but I was always wrong. They just love bombed me to manipulate and abuse me. So it's a feeling I haven't and will never know either.

 

[Sadboyspecimen]

Me either. My family hates me and bully me for having emotional problems. In their world mental health doesn't exist. It's not real. I cut them out of my life when I turned 18 and moved out and would only see them on holidays. They would call me all the time and leave me these fucked up voicemails talking about "why don't you come around anymore" "you're making mom sad because you won't come see her". It broke me and made me feel like I was the bad person so I started visiting and getting the same old treatment I always did from them. Turns out all those sad voicemails were just them mocking me. They decided to flip the script and make me the bad guy when they always were. Except I was the sucker that let it get to me.

 

[TheLastK]

I want nothing more than true romantic love. It is one of the primary reasons I want to ctb.

I think the most important LOVE is love of oneself. Having found that in YOU, it manifests outwards to others.

I can't love myself because others don't love me because I can't love myself because others don't love me I can't love myself because others don't love me and so on.

 

[freedompass]

I recently realised that the one person I thought I could count on having loved me (my mother) is not capable of love…when I was younger 'relationships' were a train wreck, in hindsight I wish I had taken a vow of celibacy plus got sterilised. I have never been loved, don't know how to love and am happier now that I'm out of the game than ever before. It's all relative of course…I'm not happy, not even close, I exist, am mostly comfy but life is completely empty and meaningless

 

[sad jester]

I can relate on the grounds of romantic love with you. Seems like in romance I was always someone's backup. Never enough, no matter how hard I tried. Even though that times has passed, I have rejected several women because now I just believe I am too damaged and not enough to be a decent partner someone deserves.

I feel this on such a deep level. I have never experienced mutual love either. It's always been I have ended up misleading someone who loves me or I end up falling in love with someone who couldn't care two craps about me. My life is this funny kind of joke like that. I will never be able to find what these people out here experience as true love.

 

[Lost in Time]

I can relate.

 

[SexyIncél]

I wonder how it feels to be loved. Not even my parents love me, they don't care two cents. I have always pretended I don't care about it and most days I don't, but then some weird days I wonder how it feels to be loved or wanted.

My unhealthy subjective experience: someone falling in love with you feels like a huge rush at first

But it probably shouldn't. I'm guessing it should really feel sweet, opening the possibility of enjoying someone & having some of your emotions a bit regulated by their presence in your life. A partner who'll help you more deeply enjoy exploring the world. Who'll hold you at night & make you feel... fuller, more well-rounded

Not a focus in themself, as (for example) a narcissist would make them into

 

[BornToFail]

I feel the same way... My parents don't love me, my brother hates me and I hate him too. All the people who said the loved me were lying and merely using it as leverage against me.

 

[HumansAreHell]

I can't love myself because others don't love me because I can't love myself because others don't love me I can't love myself because others don't love me and so on.

I always found this to be quite the conundrum too..

 

[Ixadavt]

I wonder how it feels to be loved. Not even my parents love me, they don't care two cents. I have always pretended I don't care about it and most days I don't, but then some weird days I wonder how it feels to be loved or wanted.

Some days I wonder whether I'm unloved or I just don't how to feel it. Like maybe those who say they care actually do, but I simply don't know how or don't have it in me to trust those types of feelings in others.
I think that I'm right; alone, unwanted and tolerated at best. But there are days I wonder, is it just that I know how to be loved? Is it my doubt of others and their words and feelings? Again, I'm pretty sure no one gives a shit, but I digress...

 

[Fadeawaaaay]

I was love starved as a kid - it'll ruin you for life - you end up poisoning other people - end up like a stray dog - feral and mistrusting yourself and the universe ….

 

[BGooG]

I honestly don't know if my parents loved me. I think they tried, but they couldn't show it well. As an adult I fell deeply in love with my wife, and I thought she was in love with me. After 25 years of marriage I still deeply love her. And I think she hates the sight of me. She blames me for everything wrong in her life, and takes it out on me. It's agony still loving her, and being so angry for what I/we've lost. It's a primary reason I want to die. I'm just lonely, and bereft.

 

[Al0neAlwayz]

I can totally relate. My parents are both deceased, and my only brother refuses to have anything to do with me and my husband divorced me and turned our kids against me. I made some mistakes in my past, am deeply remorseful, and tried to change, but won't be given a second chance. I feel completely alone and abandoned, and even though it is my own fault, it still hurts deeply. It makes me feel like I wasn't really ever loved because it was so easy for everyone to just throw me away like a piece of garbage. I attempted ctb before, due to feeling unloved, like I didn't matter, and to me this just solidifies those thoughts because I'm not loved, I don't matter, and everyone gives up on me or abandons me. I want to end this, soon.

 

[victoria91]

I can completly understand where you are coming from . I was bought up being told I was a mistake and todl how horrible I was. Not much has changed.
No one has ever loved me, I think people just feel sorry for me because I have nothing. Hugs to you . Here if you want to chat

 

[Al0neAlwayz]

I can completly understand where you are coming from . I was bought up being told I was a mistake and todl how horrible I was. Not much has changed.
No one has ever loved me, I think people just feel sorry for me because I have nothing. Hugs to you . Here if you want to chat

 

[hamvil]

I wonder how it feels to be loved. Not even my parents love me, they don't care two cents. I have always pretended I don't care about it and most days I don't, but then some weird days I wonder how it feels to be loved or wanted.

My parents never really loved me as well. I have a childhood of memories full of abuses, both verbal and physical. My mother often told me that I was an error and that I should not have born

I've had this experience too. I was never loved as a child (putting it mildly) and it's led directly to being unlovable as an adult. Something just isn't there, so I can only function as a sort of empty shell. I wish I could at least know what it feels like to be loved before I die.

Yes I also made the same conclusions with my therapist a while ago. According to him I cannot love myself because I could not be loved by my mother when I was a kid. Sort of make sense, how can I think I am worth anything if even my mother told me I am an error.