Venting Unsent letters

[lost_one]

I shall use this space whenever I want to talk to you. Because I can't talk to you, not allowed to text you. I cannot allow myself to text you, it will only hurt us both. So I will write here all that I wish I would tell you. Because I need to do something with these thoughts and feelings. They need to go somewhere. This place seems fitting enough.
God I still miss you, I can say it now, fully the medication has worn off... I should have taken my next pill an hour ago. I don't like lithium. I will ask my doctor to stop taking it, or to at lest reduce the dosage. And I can't even talk to you about it. You of all people in the world, you would understand this the most. Cause you know me and you know the pills.

I will never get to hold you again. Touch you again, and it hurts so bad.

Why couldn't you love me enough?

Why wasn't I enough?

(I know the answers, but I keep asking myself)

You what the stupid part is? There is still a part of me that wants you, that would forgive you, that wants and hopes you will turn around and say you miss me, say you need me, you want me. That you can see a future with me, where we are happy. Don't worry this hope will die with time.

You know I was dreaming the other day, about my graduating, if you would be there. You made me want to have a actual cerimony, and now you are gone, I don't know if you ever existed, that person I fell for. Was she ever real?

I told you I would get too attached. Cause I only have two modes, indifferent or attached. And I could never be indiferent to you

 

[lost_one]

You just posted a story, and I want to look at it, but I won't. Because I know I can't. Cause I am not a part of your life anymore.

this is so dumb and yet so hard