TheHatedOne
Death is salvation
- Sep 26, 2021
- 2,028
Dear friend,
It's been over a month since you disappeared, but I am still thinking about you. I'm thinking about you daily, I'd lie if I said I don't do it most of the time. It's quite hard, never have I thought that someone's death would impact me like this. Never have I thought I'd go through this. It's understandable though, now you don't have to put up with society's cruel treatment towards those unfortunate anymore. You have been terminated by it, especially by the law system. And my blood boils over it, the fact that there couldn't and nothing will be done about it anymore. You don't have to suffer or be in pain anymore. You really deserve all the peace and rest that there is. For even if you were trampled by humans your whole life, you still maintained your kindness. You were polite and always helping others. Always having comforting words with you. And people on here saw this and it is why you were a valuable and admired member.
One thing that I regret is that we didn't talk more and spend more time together. I wish I realized much earlier all these things. Our connection, even for a short time, meant a lot for me and taught me many things. It's my biggest regret. They say ''You start to realize only after someone's death what you had.''. I have come to the conclusion that it is true. Ah, how much I wish I could've travelled in the past and put more thought into it. I wish it was the day when we met again.
I loved every single second spent together talking. You were busy because of work so we were talking rarely, but I was looking forward to it. I'm not the kind of person to look at conversations after someone left because it would only bring pain. But this time it's different. I have looked at the conversations, all the messages. I cried, but I also smiled. It's interesting how a scandal managed to bring us closer. And how you managed to calm me down through it. That time when you got me out of CTB because I wanted to do it for very stupid reasons.
And then how you gave me a path for the future. Something I couldn't have figured out in a whole lifetime. Unfortunately I think I won't be able to pursue it because I don't really have money. But just having a possible path is better than nothing I guess. You were so caring that you even gave me possible directions for the future. It's something else.
Caring, thoughtful, considerate, funny, kind, warm, adorable, wonderful. You never hurt me. You were often afraid that you could make me angry, but the truth is that: you never made me angry. Not even for a millisecond. It's a fact. You also never hated me. You made me feel like I was something. I felt that I had... how to say... a pillar of support, not feeling all alone in this world really means something.
I confess that I looked through your posts. My positive feelings towards you only multiplied. But my heart also broke a lot of times reading what you went through. You didn't deserve to suffer. This world really didn't deserve you. You were an angel.
You were healing me. And, you were like a twin to me. Figuratively speaking. We were both shunned away from everywhere, we were lonely, we were both hypersensitive persons tormented by other people, we were both misanthropes and antinatalists. You were my other half.
Now that you are gone I feel incomplete and empty. I feel all alone in a cold and cruel world. All that remained are the words, which still heal me to this day. I cry a lot and right now I'm tearing up but it's okay.
I have never felt in my whole life such strong urge to hug someone, to protect them and like... put a blanket over them? I didn't until I met you.
I know you wanted me to live on and get out of the environment I live in and experiment new things and have a chance at meeting like-minded people but I can't do this anymore. No matter how much I wanted too.
Hopefully I'll join you soon.
It's been over a month since you disappeared, but I am still thinking about you. I'm thinking about you daily, I'd lie if I said I don't do it most of the time. It's quite hard, never have I thought that someone's death would impact me like this. Never have I thought I'd go through this. It's understandable though, now you don't have to put up with society's cruel treatment towards those unfortunate anymore. You have been terminated by it, especially by the law system. And my blood boils over it, the fact that there couldn't and nothing will be done about it anymore. You don't have to suffer or be in pain anymore. You really deserve all the peace and rest that there is. For even if you were trampled by humans your whole life, you still maintained your kindness. You were polite and always helping others. Always having comforting words with you. And people on here saw this and it is why you were a valuable and admired member.
One thing that I regret is that we didn't talk more and spend more time together. I wish I realized much earlier all these things. Our connection, even for a short time, meant a lot for me and taught me many things. It's my biggest regret. They say ''You start to realize only after someone's death what you had.''. I have come to the conclusion that it is true. Ah, how much I wish I could've travelled in the past and put more thought into it. I wish it was the day when we met again.
I loved every single second spent together talking. You were busy because of work so we were talking rarely, but I was looking forward to it. I'm not the kind of person to look at conversations after someone left because it would only bring pain. But this time it's different. I have looked at the conversations, all the messages. I cried, but I also smiled. It's interesting how a scandal managed to bring us closer. And how you managed to calm me down through it. That time when you got me out of CTB because I wanted to do it for very stupid reasons.
And then how you gave me a path for the future. Something I couldn't have figured out in a whole lifetime. Unfortunately I think I won't be able to pursue it because I don't really have money. But just having a possible path is better than nothing I guess. You were so caring that you even gave me possible directions for the future. It's something else.
Caring, thoughtful, considerate, funny, kind, warm, adorable, wonderful. You never hurt me. You were often afraid that you could make me angry, but the truth is that: you never made me angry. Not even for a millisecond. It's a fact. You also never hated me. You made me feel like I was something. I felt that I had... how to say... a pillar of support, not feeling all alone in this world really means something.
I confess that I looked through your posts. My positive feelings towards you only multiplied. But my heart also broke a lot of times reading what you went through. You didn't deserve to suffer. This world really didn't deserve you. You were an angel.
You were healing me. And, you were like a twin to me. Figuratively speaking. We were both shunned away from everywhere, we were lonely, we were both hypersensitive persons tormented by other people, we were both misanthropes and antinatalists. You were my other half.
Now that you are gone I feel incomplete and empty. I feel all alone in a cold and cruel world. All that remained are the words, which still heal me to this day. I cry a lot and right now I'm tearing up but it's okay.
I have never felt in my whole life such strong urge to hug someone, to protect them and like... put a blanket over them? I didn't until I met you.
I know you wanted me to live on and get out of the environment I live in and experiment new things and have a chance at meeting like-minded people but I can't do this anymore. No matter how much I wanted too.
Hopefully I'll join you soon.
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