Venting Unlovable

[Fir3CannotSpeak]

The one person who made all of this worth it left me today. I've never felt so empty and betrayed in my life and it hurts more than anything I've ever experienced. I know that if this is what they want, I should accept it and I really truly am happy for them for wanting to experiment and for not letting other things get in the way of what they want. I want them to be happy, even if that means not being with me. But then again, they were the only thing in this life that ever made me happy. I was here for them specifically, everything else just made me want to kill myself and trust me when I say that I am so painfully aware of how stupid that sounds. I've been sobbing non-stop since I woke up to that text. I don't like saying negative things about them, I hate being mad at them and I don't want to cause them any harm but was that the only thing you could say to me? "Take care"? After three years and four months? I feel so shitty for writing about them like this because I still love them, I love them more than anything in this life. They were my reason for everything and now its all over in the blink of an eye. I lost the one thing I cherished most and now I really see no reason to continue leading this dreadful life. I was stupid to think it would last but I still prayed for it every night. To be able to come home to you and give you everything I never gave you before. I'm so sorry for disappointing you and I'm so sorry if you end up seeing this because you don't deserve that. I just wish I could've done more for you, I wish I could've been what you wanted. You filled every hole that was left empty within me and I'm so grateful to have had you in my life because you gave me hope, like I had a chance at having an actual future. I'm not mad at you, I could never be mad at you but you shattered my soul in a single, half-assed, paragraph. You gutted me from the inside out just by pressing "send" like it was nothing. I love you so much, more than I ever thought I was capable of loving anything. It hurts to know that you didn't love me as much as I love you.
I don't know if you want me completely out of your life or if that's even something you've thought about and I don't even know if you'll see this but I really hope that we can stay friends. I can't change the fact that I'm still in love with you but I promise you that I won't try anything, I just still want you in my life if that's okay with you. I sound so fucking desperate I'm sorry.

I miss you.

 

[FuneralCry]

I get that loss really is so hard to deal with for so many who exist here, it must be painful what you are going through, it's cruel how people have to suffer so much in this existence.

 

[Fir3CannotSpeak]

Hi it's me venting about this again. I'm an utter mess and it's only been four days. I can't even listen to most of my music anymore because it all reminds me of them. It hurts so fucking bad and I'm so tired of pretending that I'm okay with it but then again, I don't want anyone's pity. People have already spent money on me because they feel bad for me and I just feel like a massive burden. My stupid problems are affecting everyone else and I hate it so much, why won't they just leave it alone? I don't want anyone to think that it's getting bad again even though it was already bad before this and then it was so much easier to hide. I don't even feel like a person anymore, just an empty shell of something that used to be so naive of what it had. It almost feels like I woke up from a dream since they deleted most of everything related to me from every social media platform, like I was nothing. They erased me like I was a faint line of graphite and I think that that's what hurts most. I'm never good enough and it shows. I was never enough no matter how hard I tried. I don't deserve to have good things in this life and the universe has made it abundantly clear.

 

[gulp]

The one person who made all of this worth it left me today. I've never felt so empty and betrayed in my life and it hurts more than anything I've ever experienced. I know that if this is what they want, I should accept it and I really truly am happy for them for wanting to experiment and for not letting other things get in the way of what they want. I want them to be happy, even if that means not being with me. But then again, they were the only thing in this life that ever made me happy. I was here for them specifically, everything else just made me want to kill myself and trust me when I say that I am so painfully aware of how stupid that sounds. I've been sobbing non-stop since I woke up to that text. I don't like saying negative things about them, I hate being mad at them and I don't want to cause them any harm but was that the only thing you could say to me? "Take care"? After three years and four months? I feel so shitty for writing about them like this because I still love them, I love them more than anything in this life. They were my reason for everything and now its all over in the blink of an eye. I lost the one thing I cherished most and now I really see no reason to continue leading this dreadful life. I was stupid to think it would last but I still prayed for it every night. To be able to come home to you and give you everything I never gave you before. I'm so sorry for disappointing you and I'm so sorry if you end up seeing this because you don't deserve that. I just wish I could've done more for you, I wish I could've been what you wanted. You filled every hole that was left empty within me and I'm so grateful to have had you in my life because you gave me hope, like I had a chance at having an actual future. I'm not mad at you, I could never be mad at you but you shattered my soul in a single, half-assed, paragraph. You gutted me from the inside out just by pressing "send" like it was nothing. I love you so much, more than I ever thought I was capable of loving anything. It hurts to know that you didn't love me as much as I love you.
I don't know if you want me completely out of your life or if that's even something you've thought about and I don't even know if you'll see this but I really hope that we can stay friends. I can't change the fact that I'm still in love with you but I promise you that I won't try anything, I just still want you in my life if that's okay with you. I sound so fucking desperate I'm sorry.

I miss you.

dude, i felt exactly like you did 4 months ago, it is the most hurtful thing i've ever lived.
but trust me, you can live with it, you can keep going

you can do it

 

[ThisUnrest]

Loss is terribly hard to deal with. This person was very unkind about the way they left you, too. That only makes it harder. Im so sorry it feels like they erased you. I feel for you and your broken heart. I understand your intense feelings. They make every day so painful. Wishing you a peaceful night.

 

[Lookoutbelow]

I know how you feel. I made a post about it earlier today in the off topic section. It is what I am going through right now. 13 years then one day just done. She was my everything. Apparently I was just a burden to her. I begged and I pleaded (like a sorry piece of shit). She is emotionally cold to me. Now I am suicidal.

 

[Unattainable666]

I know how you feel. I made a post about it earlier today in the off topic section. It is what I am going through right now. 13 years then one day just done. She was my everything. Apparently I was just a burden to her. I begged and I pleaded (like a sorry piece of shit). She is emotionally cold to me. Now I am suicidal.

I'm so sorry you are going through this. For as long as Ive been alive I don't understand why people are so shitty to each other. I don't understand. I never will.
Okay I'm really pissed off. I don't for the life of me understand why people have to be such assholes to each other. How hard is it to treat people decently??? the world as it is now is not the world I grew up in - people did care about each other years ago. I am so sorry anyone is going through this. Might I make a suggestion? Get angry, get so pissed off that you are going to show that person that you can survive their stupidity and ignorance and you're moving on. I can honestly say this does work as I've used it numerous times. Don't love me - not a problem - can't stand me - you're missing out. My heart goes out to you and I hope you can see beyond what has happened.

 

[dyingslowly]

The one person who made all of this worth it left me today. I've never felt so empty and betrayed in my life and it hurts more than anything I've ever experienced. I know that if this is what they want, I should accept it and I really truly am happy for them for wanting to experiment and for not letting other things get in the way of what they want. I want them to be happy, even if that means not being with me. But then again, they were the only thing in this life that ever made me happy. I was here for them specifically, everything else just made me want to kill myself and trust me when I say that I am so painfully aware of how stupid that sounds. I've been sobbing non-stop since I woke up to that text. I don't like saying negative things about them, I hate being mad at them and I don't want to cause them any harm but was that the only thing you could say to me? "Take care"? After three years and four months? I feel so shitty for writing about them like this because I still love them, I love them more than anything in this life. They were my reason for everything and now its all over in the blink of an eye. I lost the one thing I cherished most and now I really see no reason to continue leading this dreadful life. I was stupid to think it would last but I still prayed for it every night. To be able to come home to you and give you everything I never gave you before. I'm so sorry for disappointing you and I'm so sorry if you end up seeing this because you don't deserve that. I just wish I could've done more for you, I wish I could've been what you wanted. You filled every hole that was left empty within me and I'm so grateful to have had you in my life because you gave me hope, like I had a chance at having an actual future. I'm not mad at you, I could never be mad at you but you shattered my soul in a single, half-assed, paragraph. You gutted me from the inside out just by pressing "send" like it was nothing. I love you so much, more than I ever thought I was capable of loving anything. It hurts to know that you didn't love me as much as I love you.
I don't know if you want me completely out of your life or if that's even something you've thought about and I don't even know if you'll see this but I really hope that we can stay friends. I can't change the fact that I'm still in love with you but I promise you that I won't try anything, I just still want you in my life if that's okay with you. I sound so fucking desperate I'm sorry.

I miss you.

Went through something like this, then made a rule for myself [ Never again, I will be this vulnerable ] do you feel used as well? anyways if you need an ear, I am hear to talk abt it, things like this make you emotionally distant, I have pushed myself so far in this that I find it difficult to relate to situations that are very general and common now with people. But I think in this way it is better then crying or thinking abt someone. It is bad approach (my approach), but at least I can't go wrong with it.

 

[Fir3CannotSpeak]

I know how you feel. I made a post about it earlier today in the off topic section. It is what I am going through right now. 13 years then one day just done. She was my everything. Apparently I was just a burden to her. I begged and I pleaded (like a sorry piece of shit). She is emotionally cold to me. Now I am suicidal.

Shit I'm so sorry that happened. I can't even fathom what it would be like if I'd been dumped after 13 years when I can't even handle it after 3 and a half. I'm here if you need someone to talk to.

 

[Lookoutbelow]

Shit I'm so sorry that happened. I can't even fathom what it would be like if I'd been dumped after 13 years when I can't even handle it after 3 and a half. I'm here if you need someone to talk to.

Thanks, I'm sure I will take you up on that offer. It is rough.