Venting unhealthy attachments...

[scordatura]

I don't deserve good people, and for the very reason I believe that, means in the end I will act undeserving of good people... and then, I receive what undeserving people receive.

I need an emergency detachment button

There is someone I have immense respect for, I would go on forever if I mentioned even one thing... It's important that I show them, that I have immense respect for them... because I haven't been doing that.

I struggle with self control

I feel deeply indebted to them and wish to show that before, I want to show my gratitude.. because I haven't been... I have only a finite amount of time with them, and I need to show them that I'm doing well, because they can't understand they helped me if I keep showing them what I'm showing them... it's damaging them...

I know that... and I'm sorry... I'm sorry it's happened... I just feel very safe... and I crave that... really badly... I'm sure you probably understand... you aren't stupid... and... self-centredly I don't want a memory of your final contempt towards me... I can't

This would be the healthy thing I could do... and it's what I want but... carrying it out requires so much self discipline I fear I'll only learn from the worst...

I don't want to poison a good person... but I also need you to get out of my head... you're completely taking over me... and I am suffocating you