Venting Unfair siuation and relationship

[Cat mother]

Am so sick of my partner how they treat me like a complete side whore and literally doesnt give a damn about everything i do to them even tho im so loyal and i have literally no one other than them and they know that but theyre using that against me in the most hypocritic way. When i finally told them that am so sick of it all and i want to end my life They just beg me to stay and they promise that theyll change and maybe finally they will treat me the same way i do. But guess what it didnt happen AT ALL, and i Tried 6 times to end my life and they stop me by promising that theyll be "better" again, and yeah you guessed it nothing happend... i just dont know what to do with them anymore i literally have no one else, my relationship with my family is poor. Not to mention that they always talk to thier friends and others better than they do with me and they have fun conversations together and enjoy thier time... somnething i always wished for.

if you helped me with any way,advice, opinion, anything i would be so thankfull<3.

(sorry for bad english)

 

[LunarLight]

What exactly are you asking us about? I'd like to give you advice but I must say I'm a bit at a loss.

 

[PhoenixPX]

I think it's best you leave your partner if he makes you want to ctb.
It's going to be hard on your own though.
Whatever you do i wish you the best

 

[Cat mother]

What exactly are you asking us about? I'd like to give you advice but I must say I'm a bit at a loss.

Lmao i get dw i get it. I was just asking about any opinion about my situation but You dont have to, reading it is just enough<3

I think it's best you leave your partner if he makes you want to ctb.
It's going to be hard on your own though.
Whatever you do i wish you the best

Am actually planning about dissapearing from everyone i know because hey all know her, and start a new life with new people and new faces to meet.
Thank you for your Opinion<3

 

[AshersGirl]

Staying within a relationship that's unhappy and toxic is always worse than leaving, in my experience.

If ctb attempts are largely the product of emotional instability (speaking from experience, I have BPD) as a reaction to how he treats you, then the relationship is not healthy for you. With BPD, I also struggle (or did a lot when I was younger) with codependency so I wouldn't leave no matter how bad or abusive something was, but staying added more trauma.

You can't change another person. You can only change how accessible you are to that person, and how you react/respond to them.

If you've already sat down and communicated the things that hurt you or trigger you and you're seeing no change, then it's unlikely anything you say or do will force that change.

On the flip side, again speaking from experience, and not at all negating the validity of your emotions and your suicide attempts - but you can't use the attempts as a tool to guilt or manipulate someone into loving / treating you better. It doesn't work. They stay through obligation or fear, not love, and eventually it causes resentment and they leave anyway.

I don't mean that you are deliberately or consciously trying to guilt/manipulate your partner either. You just want it to get better. But you shouldn't have to force someone to treat you well: they should just do it. If they don't, walk away.

Decades ago, first time I fell in love, or what I thought then was love, I was the other woman. Promises to leave and be with me etc etc, which were bullshit… but that's not my point here. Everytime I got hurt over something, I self harmed as a coping mechanism, wanted to kill myself, tried to kill myself - then, I'd say "see, look how much you hurt me, look what you made me do, I love you, why do you keep hurting me?" And he was so scared I'd kill myself, he'd appease me "I'm sorry, I do love you, it'll be better, give me time, stay with me, don't die". Then… no change. Lather rinse repeat.

Truth is, he didn't "make" me do anything. I just couldn't deal with my emotions and that was how I coped. Sure, he treated me bad, but I let him because I was terrified he'd leave me and treating me like shit was somehow better to me than being alone. I repeated similar cycles in my first 3 relationships, til I identified the pattern and then tried to break it. Because there were things I needed to change too, and that involved working on boundaries and self worth.

It's easier said than done, doesn't happen overnight. And if being alone is a trigger, it's hard to leave too.

End of day you're left with a choice: stay and accept how things are, or leave. Neither choice is necessarily what you want, and both will hurt.

I'm sorry everything is so hard for you right now. I hope things get better for whatever path you choose.

 

[Helvete]

This is the one time in my entire life where I would actually recommend looking at the BFF/Friends section of dating apps. On there you can match with people to just be friends with that live nearby to you, so that could be a great way to meet new people and potentially more. That way at least you have separate people you can spend time with or ultimately find someone who will treat you right. You are worth love and having someone who deserves you unlike this current one.

 

[Cat mother]

Staying within a relationship that's unhappy and toxic is always worse than leaving, in my experience.

If ctb attempts are largely the product of emotional instability (speaking from experience, I have BPD) as a reaction to how he treats you, then the relationship is not healthy for you. With BPD, I also struggle (or did a lot when I was younger) with codependency so I wouldn't leave no matter how bad or abusive something was, but staying added more trauma.

You can't change another person. You can only change how accessible you are to that person, and how you react/respond to them.

If you've already sat down and communicated the things that hurt you or trigger you and you're seeing no change, then it's unlikely anything you say or do will force that change.

On the flip side, again speaking from experience, and not at all negating the validity of your emotions and your suicide attempts - but you can't use the attempts as a tool to guilt or manipulate someone into loving / treating you better. It doesn't work. They stay through obligation or fear, not love, and eventually it causes resentment and they leave anyway.

I don't mean that you are deliberately or consciously trying to guilt/manipulate your partner either. You just want it to get better. But you shouldn't have to force someone to treat you well: they should just do it. If they don't, walk away.

Decades ago, first time I fell in love, or what I thought then was love, I was the other woman. Promises to leave and be with me etc etc, which were bullshit… but that's not my point here. Everytime I got hurt over something, I self harmed as a coping mechanism, wanted to kill myself, tried to kill myself - then, I'd say "see, look how much you hurt me, look what you made me do, I love you, why do you keep hurting me?" And he was so scared I'd kill myself, he'd appease me "I'm sorry, I do love you, it'll be better, give me time, stay with me, don't die". Then… no change. Lather rinse repeat.

Truth is, he didn't "make" me do anything. I just couldn't deal with my emotions and that was how I coped. Sure, he treated me bad, but I let him because I was terrified he'd leave me and treating me like shit was somehow better to me than being alone. I repeated similar cycles in my first 3 relationships, til I identified the pattern and then tried to break it. Because there were things I needed to change too, and that involved working on boundaries and self worth.

It's easier said than done, doesn't happen overnight. And if being alone is a trigger, it's hard to leave too.

End of day you're left with a choice: stay and accept how things are, or leave. Neither choice is necessarily what you want, and both will hurt.

I'm sorry everything is so hard for you right now. I hope things get better for whatever path you ch

am so sorry that you had to go through all of that but thank you so much for sharing your experience Its really inspirational<3

Im not actually trying to guilt my partner or anything, They begged me to stay. I just stayed because they promise that theyll be "better". but yah nothing happened. I just hoped from Those attempts of killing myself That they realize how much theyre hurting someone who cares about them the most.

from my last attempt i reached a point that i dont really care if they change i just wanna ease this burning in my chest that i always suffer from. But i dont know why they are so consistent about letting me stay. Its no like they put some effort to his relationship they put NOTHING at all like am the last thing hey worry about and i hurts. The only times i see them actually having pitty on me its when i decite to ctb. I dont want to get better or be more likeable i just want to know why they do me this way after everything ive done to them?

But yeah am actually planning on moving to another state far from my family and friends and my partner and dissapear, im not sure if its the right way but it feels right to me because my relationship with my family is so poor and my friends doesnt like me. And i have the abilities and everything that can make me move and live by myself. and meet new faces and make new friends and people.

And sincerely thank you again for sharing your experience with me. It helped me alot to realize . and i hope your doing well<3

This is the one time in my entire life where I would actually recommend looking at the BFF/Friends section of dating apps. On there you can match with people to just be friends with that live nearby to you, so that could be a great way to meet new people and potentially more. That way at least you have separate people you can spend time with or ultimately find someone who will treat you right. You are worth love and having someone who deserves you unlike this current one.

Your mostly right i should try that one day. And thank you so much for Your opinion<3

 

[AshersGirl]

Don't worry about me, it is ancient history, I'm old :) but I remember very well the intensity of the hurt i would feel when someone I loved mistreated me.

I really truly hope you get to a happier place for you. You can only try and it sounds like you want to give it a go. Truly he isn't treating you right, and you don't deserve that. Good luck with your plans, sometimes a clean slate / fresh start can help. Big hugs to you.

 

[Cat mother]

Don't worry about me, it is ancient history, I'm old :) but I remember very well the intensity of the hurt i would feel when someone I loved mistreated me.

I really truly hope you get to a happier place for you. You can only try and it sounds like you want to give it a go. Truly he isn't treating you right, and you don't deserve that. Good luck with your plans, sometimes a clean slate / fresh start can help. Big hugs to you.

Indeed it iss! and am working on it. Thank you so much again for sharing your experience you helped me alot and id never forget about your story<3

 

[PhoenixPX]

Lmao i get dw i get it. I was just asking about any opinion about my situation but You dont have to, reading it is just enough<3

Am actually planning about dissapearing from everyone i know because hey all know her, and start a new life with new people and new faces to meet.
Thank you for your Opinion<3

Tbh i don't think it's a bad idea. If you don't hate your life but the people around you, you shouldn't ctb. I think this is a way better solution to your problems.
It's gonna be hard not knowing anyone in the beginning but i will root for you :)

 

[Helween]

i would say you're lucky, i'm not even sure my Gf if i can still call her that would be willing to try to fix things, it already looks like she moved on. But at the same time i know how hurtful false promises are. if you can move away and start a peaceful life you should do that i would do the same if i didn't love her that much.

 

[Cat mother]

i would say you're lucky, i'm not even sure my Gf if i can still call her that would be willing to try to fix things, it already looks like she moved on. But at the same time i know how hurtful false promises are. if you can move away and start a peaceful life you should do that i would do the same if i didn't love her that much.

am so sorry for that. it does really hurt but time fixes everything, make yourself busy with something,games, a hobby maybe, or anything and eventually youll move on.

i know its hard for you when your already attached to someone but dont hurt your feelings when they already moved on.

i wish all the best for you<3