unemployment and motivation

[hyacinths]

You suck a lot.

OP, have you ever had a job before? In my experience working sucks a lot, but it doesn't necessarily suck that much more than having whole days to yourself to pass in depressive rumination. Maybe if you can move past the first step of showing up to the interview, you'll find that working is actually doable for you. No way to know without giving it a try :)

yeah, i was living on my own at the beginning of 2020. i worked full time for over a year and a half at the worst type of office job, and ended up relying heavily on weed and drinking to get me through the day. i burnt out and my mom was kind enough to let me live back in her home while i was figuring things out. she let me come back around february and has been asking me to get a job seriously since June, although she understands my mental health needs and is likely a lot more understanding than she should be. I think its the hardest part for me personally is interviewing part - i don't drive so I take public transport, and then I find myself wondering if its even worth doing all of that effort for just a small chance of getting employed. and I stay home. I really need to get out of this habit, it just seems like whenever the time comes for me to actually get my shit together i falter and stay home.

 

[Ren Elsie Jewelria]

I kind of earn my living with with alt-coins.
I wanted to honestly work, etc. but they f***ed me over so many times that now I earn tax-free.

 

[hyacinths]

also this thread definitely exploded while i was away. it is nice to hear from other people that are in the same situation as me. my personal issue with motivation i believe is looking ahead of me and what i could make of my life vs what i want to do in the immediate now. ive never been good with hard work - almost failed high school because of my lack of trying, not necessarily my lack of interest or understand.

i want to get a job for myself but also because i do want to help my mom. i think its less of an idea of either of us owing each other but rather both of us wanting to support each other. she is currently divorcing my stepdad, who is continually gaslighting and manipulating her, and i know that she is in a very difficult place. i try to help her when i can but ultimately i know i am not doing enough that it is why i want to get a job. i just don't know how to motivate myself correctly when the times do come. i hate that i am like this and that is why im trying to figure out how to fix it. i can't really afford therapy right now, so trying my best to make do with the resources i have.

Such a striking transformation of tone. This thread is a whole social study.

YEAH I COULDNT HELP BUT LAUGH LMAO. it shouldn't even fuckin matter if im a guy or a girl, wouldn't i still need the same type of advice?

He is not wrong. Self-reliance is needed and taking care of oneself is how it works. His opinion is only hard to take seriously when confronted by the orher one, the emotional manipulation by parents. But I don't think OP has such a problem, at least they don't say so. Given selfish desire on his mother's part, complaints would be along the line of being treated awfully, but on the contrary - OP is worried he could be responsible for breaking up this relationship, while his mother is taking care for him financially.

i agree. while i disagree with the way he worded things, i think his point ultimately stands. people need to learn how to take care of themselves eventually, and i am no exclusion from the rule. for people who deal with mental illness, phrasing things like that to make them feel guilty, ungrateful, and bothersome can make them spiral into negative thoughts. i know what my issues are, otherwise i would not be asking for help to fix them.

if anything were to happen to my mom, i don't think i would be able to take care of myself reliably. i have no clue of knowing what's in the future. i think it's something that she also struggles with, because she knows at this point she is enabling my behavior. my mom and i, before i moved in, had a very good relationship and we would often talk and have dinner with each other. at this point, if i relationship deteriorates it would be entirely my fault because she has been nothing but understanding to my mental health issues. it's less of a problem with fighting, but it's more "hey why won't you get a job you've promised me you would try harder" type of situation. she has mentioned kicking me out a few times, and at this point i can't fight with her if she does.

 

[BeautifulMosaics]

@SentientCreature I'm sorry, but I along with several of my college friends both worked full time and went to school full time. Again, great that someone can go to school until mid 20s or later, and never have worked, but at least acknowledge that if that is your situation, you aren't entitled to it.

So what is your point? What a pointless argument. So because some people can do something a random person on the internet who you know next to nothing about should be able to? And why shouldn't a 20 year old who is starting out in life and clearly struggling be supported by their family while they get their stuff together. Why bring a child into this world if you're going to dump them onto the streets once they hit a certain age? Nobody forced anyone to bring life into this world and if you're going to parent you need to realise you're dealing with a human being and not a clone who will magically be self sufficient at the age of 18. Believe it or not it's not a child's honour to be born.

I'm not going to waste my time explaining to you why some people may struggle with motivation and executive functioning because you just seem plainly ignorant. Don't worry, you aren't the only one who's grateful you decided to sterilize yourself because you lack the empathy it requires to be a decent parent.

 

[summers]

So what is your point? What a pointless argument. So because some people can do something a random person on the internet who you know next to nothing about should be able to? And why shouldn't a 20 year old who is starting out in life and clearly struggling be supported by their family while they get their stuff together. Why bring a child into this world if you're going to dump them onto the streets once they hit a certain age? Nobody forced anyone to bring life into this world and if you're going to parent you need to realise you're dealing with a human being and not a clone who will magically be self sufficient at the age of 18. Believe it or not it's not a child's honour to be born.

I'm not going to waste my time explaining to you why some people may struggle with motivation and executive functioning because you just seem plainly ignorant. Don't worry, you aren't the only one who's grateful you decided to sterilize yourself because you lack the empathy it requires to be a decent parent.

I think my message my have been misconstrued, and my posts veered off the original topic Otherwise I wouldn't waste my time explaining it to you. But if others miss my points, I will try to clarify...

• 1. My point was the entitlement mentality. Thinking that you are owed something. YOU ARE NOT OWED ANYTHING BEYOND THE AGE OF 18. This is regardless of your ability to survive on your own. Hell, parents can put their kids up for adoption at any age if they want. Prove me wrong
• 1a. Point 1 applies both to children and parents/adults. Just like parents are no longer required to care for their children once they turn 18, children are in no way responsible to take care of their parents when they get older.
• 2. I have no issue with someone being supported by their parents in perpetuity. If that is the case, I'm glad those people have that opportunity. But going back to point 1, the parents are not obligated to take care of their adult children, and the adult children should not feel entitled to this support.

On your other points.

• I just explained that I contributed to my household out of necessity. It was not an option for me. Same with working full time whilst in college.
• I agree that no one asks to be born. But you know what, we all were born. So that means some of us have to work to survive, some don't. Sucks we don't al have an easy road, but that's life.
• I promise you, that under any objective or subjective test, I am smarter than you. You proved this by calling me plainly ignorant, considering just alone the contributions I have made to ss.

 

[deflationary]

My point was the entitlement mentality. Thinking that you are owed something. YOU ARE NOT OWED ANYTHING BEYOND THE AGE OF 18. This is regardless of your ability to survive on your own. Hell, parents can put their kids up for adoption at any age if they want. Prove me wrong

:| Pretty sure the sense of "being owed" everyone else is talking about is a moral one, not legal. If you think you can just wipe your hands of any responsibility for your kid once they turn 18, you're just scummy. The sense of entitlement comes from recognizing that all of the responsibility of your existing in the first place lays on your parents. If you're not made out for this life, that's your parents fault, not yours. So you have no point on the entitlement mentality. To the extent that anyone is entitled to anything, kids should be entitled to support from their parents. And there's no age cut-offs either. Your being here in the first place will have always been their choice.

Btw, why do you think you're entitled to not pay taxes to take care of people that are too lazy to work? What's with *that* outrageous example of entitlement mentality?

 

[Makko]

My point was the entitlement mentality.

Never really understood the "who owes whom" rhetoric, if I want something I'll just take it, regardless of whether people think I'm entitled to it or not, just like I won't give away anything just because some stuck-up thinks I "owe" them. A debt that can't be enforced might as well not exist.