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M

melodrama

Member
May 7, 2022
47
Representation of my "day by day" here. Two friends that I like a lot came to visit me today and participated in the family lunch that my relatives had. We talked a lot, played games and laughed about a lot of things. Still, I can say that today was the worst day I've had in months. I've had and still have a horrible feeling in me, it's like an absurd sadness and a feeling of throwing up, even though I'm not nauseous. I spent the whole day with a tightness in my chest and a desire to disappear, but I still pretended to be fine, because I didn't want to ruin today for other people. I sometimes force myself to do things considered "positive" by others, I try to do my favorite hobbies and spend time with the people I love. It doesn't make me happy. Nothing makes me happy. It seems that I will forever be a pit of sadness and worthlessness no matter what I do. When I think about it, I realize that recovery would be almost impossible for me.

I will never be happy like I used to be. Now I'm going to lie in bed and spend hours immobile, as I always do. There is no real happiness in this world.
 
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Reactions: gravesfrommiami, nonentity and RoundaboutResolved
{ixo//}

{ixo//}

Member
Apr 2, 2023
12
I understand the feeling of having a tight knot in your chest while being in some situation where you're "supposed" to be happy. I hate when you're forced to smile when there's a void inside you, forced to act like you're happy to be somewhere when you'd rather be alone. I hope that sometime you feel as though you're capable of feeling some kind of happiness, like you used to.
 
  • Love
Reactions: melodrama
FuneralCry

FuneralCry

Just wanting some peace
Sep 24, 2020
43,705
At least to me there could never be such a thing as happiness in a world where there is no real relief from suffering. I understand just wishing to disappear, it would be ideal to have that option.
 
  • Like
Reactions: melodrama

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