Discussion Ultimatums, plans set if something doesn't go a certain way?

[rih]

So I was just sitting around being extremely anxiety induced; a little background i'm studying after going back in my mid twenties, i'm in a final year in a university and I hate the course lol; My motivation is in the negatives as thinking about the subjects/area just makes me feel worse somehow. But I said I'd last it out at least to have an honour's degree under me or something.

So i've had this ultimatum for awhile; if I fail fully out of this course/don't complete it I don't really see an opportunity where I can live comfortably/up to expectations, so that would probably make me CTB without a doubt; there's small things i've been trying to do to try like 'keep fit' eat well and such to try not make me feel misery with this course, my commute to and from the university is nearly 3 hours also. It's just I sometimes think i'm being lazy/failing on purpose to incentivize me to end it; I'm not happy and i've tried to be so it just feels like digging through rock with my fingertips.

Stuff like that got me daydreaming morbidly about other ultimatum's people would have, make X money, get Y job, achieve Z thing etc. Feel free to share if you're comfortable I just keep wondering is it too 'clinical' or odd to have things set in stone like I have. Just a little vent and discussion mixed into one, apologies.

 

[Nicholas22231]

I have ultimatums like that, if nothing improves for me next year academic-wise, then I fail to see why I have to keep on living.

Next year I want to go back and finish middle school, get a drivers license, open a bank account, start going to the gym, you know it. But if I can't\didn't. Then, I'll kill myself.

 

[kvorumese]

Yes, my primary ultimatum is that if for whatever reason I get drafted to serve in the military or partake in the war, I either ctb before they take me away, or do it as soon as I receive weaponry (guns etc)
Other than that, I don't have an ultimatum, I just don't see the point in living anymore. I've been hating it here