Someplace_nice
Student
- Sep 28, 2024
- 162
Sometimes the urges to die are overwhelming still, not as much as the my used to be. I'm at the Laundromat and idk why but, I went to the suicide part and.. it just made me want to die, like soul crippling urged/want to die. I miss the feeling but at the same time don't, I miss the comfort that came with a way out, living, there is no way out just through. Living is scary and I don't want to do it sometimes but, I promised my husband I'd live a long life and have his children. I'll have the life I had always wanted, I just won't have a way out if it gets to be too much, it's already a lot with always having to live with a double standard to everyone else. Being alone is a lot too, being alone all day everyday not being able to go outside is worse. I love my husband so much that I have to actively fight my depression and suicidal thoughts and urges. I'd enjoy if I could not exist for a day, just be in a void with no worries or troubles, I'd want my hubby there tho but that'd be asking too much. I'd probably be better if I could sleep at night and didn't have to worry about a cat peeing on the floor and the other cat attacking the older cat. If I had friends it wouldn't be too bad but might be worse. I feel better now tho, even if I wanna cry, I feel better after typing it out.
