synthcadia
dissociated angel.
- Jul 8, 2023
- 279
i thought i would be happier in china. and i was.
and then one night at the club,
i'm glad my classmates protected me and stepped in where they could. but it still fucked me up.
and now i'm dissociated.
and i was trying to do better, after the aftermath. i had a shopping addiction, and then i stopped, and then it came back.
today, i was banned from a discord server i joined cause of some drama back in the summer, where this person who is a mod just banned me because they don't like me.
and i was angry. and then it went away, cause i was apathetic. but now i'm just hurt again. i think i had hoped that i could move past this, but nope. and i am more angry since i legitimately didn't do anything.
and now all i wanna do is cry because i'm sick and tired of this shit happening to me. all of it. i just want my bf here. i wish i could just feel something that isn't dullness or depression. i'm sick and tired of this.
i'm thinking about cutting again. and i am barely eating. i am 110 lbs, which is a relief. but i barely eat. and i feel sad that i don't have a friend group really. i just feel like shit.
and i hate myself. and i started to smoke though i just feel no satisfaction.
i want that drama to get better and over with. how much longer must i be persecuted for a human mistake?
i wish i was somebody else. anyone else but me.
and then one night at the club,
i got groped and was grinded against multiple times while i was sobering up.
and now i'm dissociated.
and i was trying to do better, after the aftermath. i had a shopping addiction, and then i stopped, and then it came back.
today, i was banned from a discord server i joined cause of some drama back in the summer, where this person who is a mod just banned me because they don't like me.
and i was angry. and then it went away, cause i was apathetic. but now i'm just hurt again. i think i had hoped that i could move past this, but nope. and i am more angry since i legitimately didn't do anything.
and now all i wanna do is cry because i'm sick and tired of this shit happening to me. all of it. i just want my bf here. i wish i could just feel something that isn't dullness or depression. i'm sick and tired of this.
i'm thinking about cutting again. and i am barely eating. i am 110 lbs, which is a relief. but i barely eat. and i feel sad that i don't have a friend group really. i just feel like shit.
and i hate myself. and i started to smoke though i just feel no satisfaction.
i want that drama to get better and over with. how much longer must i be persecuted for a human mistake?
i wish i was somebody else. anyone else but me.
