Venting Turned 30 two days ago

[SuicidalCurryBoy]

It is so over for me.

I'm gonna take some time out to finish my memoirs, and then I'm gonna OD.

 

[Linda]

It is so over for me.

I'm gonna take some time out to finish my memoirs, and then I'm gonna OD.

I turned 30 forty two years and numerous days ago. (I remember it well, because when midnight - and my birthday - arrived, I was having a roll in the hay with a nice man. Not the man who is now my husband. I only met him a few months later.) I haven't started writing my memoirs.

Try to put things into perspective.

 

[eupdplishlp]

It is so over for me.

I'm gonna take some time out to finish my memoirs, and then I'm gonna OD.

what's your favourtie memoir of all?

 

[concreterhino]

In my early 30s here. Doesn't have to be over at 30. What do I know though I also wanna die most of the time.

 

[SuicidalCurryBoy]

I turned 30 forty two years and numerous days ago. (I remember it well, because when midnight - and my birthday - arrived, I was having a roll in the hay with a nice man. Not the man who is now my husband. I only met him a few months later.) I haven't started writing my memoirs.

Try to put things into perspective.

Grandma, I'm an incel.
My whole life, I've watched women, including my closest female friends sleep around with other men, but me.

what's your favourtie memoir of all?

My Twisted World, by Elliot Rodger.

It's the only one I've read, ngl

 

[Linda]

Grandma, I'm an incel.
My whole life, I've watched women, including my closest female friends sleep around with other men, but me.

My Twisted World, by Elliot Rodger.

It's the only one I've read, ngl

Are you celibate because you want to be or because you have not had any success with women? If the latter, do you understand why you have not had any success?

 

[bananaolympus]

Welcome to the club

 

[RadiantNumber]

My condolences, I am 30 too

 

[blacksand]

The energy loss I feel at 30 is something that makes ctb feel even more appealing. It's not super dramatic but I recall as recently as 5 years ago staying up to 4am multiple nights in a row and simply sleeping in a little longer and feeling fine. These days I dread any disruption to my sleep pattern because my week is a nightmare afterward. There is a baseline of fatigue that simply never goes away. Again, it's not some massive dramatic change but it's noticable and I can only put it down to aging and it's awful knowing it's only going to get worse.

 

[GhostInTheMachine]

31 here, was convinced I'd be dead by 24, then 27, then 30. I've been wrong 3 times now so I stopped setting arbitrary ages to be dead by. It happens when it happens. As for being an incel, why do you care about sex so badly that you're willing to die over it? Not to be too harsh, but is there literally nothing else in your life that you look forward to? Even if you had sex, you're still going to be in that same position afterwards. Healthy, long-lasting relationships don't happen in a vacuum.

 

[kopebaldy]

Also 30 here.

I was so sure I would have CTB 3 months ago on my birthday, yet my coward ass pussied out. Man it was such a good opportunity and I wasted it.

Suffering until next year I guess.

 

[SuicidalCurryBoy]

Are you celibate because you want to be or because you have not had any success with women? If the latter, do you understand why you have not had any success?

Latter.
Because my face is ugly and women use me as emotional tampons. Or to get over their ex or trauma over rape. This has happened multiple times....

31 here, was convinced I'd be dead by 24, then 27, then 30. I've been wrong 3 times now so I stopped setting arbitrary ages to be dead by. It happens when it happens. As for being an incel, why do you care about sex so badly that you're willing to die over it? Not to be too harsh, but is there literally nothing else in your life that you look forward to? Even if you had sex, you're still going to be in that same position afterwards. Healthy, long-lasting relationships don't happen in a vacuum.

Lack of sex is just the tip of the iceberg.
At this point in my life, I would still wanna kms, even if I had sex...

The only thing I had going was my carreer.

But I was too brain fogged at the time to pass my technical interviews, and I came back. Slowly let my visa expire. Now I'm stuck in the third world... JFL....

*sigh*

tbh, at this point, I don't think even moving to the first world again would change things for me.

I do freelance work on and off to make money.

But even if I had money coming in, the only thing that would change about my life is that I would be less stressed...

 

[SchizoPolyGymnast]

I'm turning 36 in a couple months and the fear of aging is way overblown. There's lots to do and enjoy, but sometimes you have to look for it.

 

[Unbearable Mr. Bear]

My Twisted World, by Elliot Rodger.

If anyone wants more info:

2014 Isla Vista killings/Elliot Rodger's manifesto

My Twisted World: The Story of Elliot Rodger is a 140-page screed written by spree killer Elliot Rodger that was emailed to about a dozen people, including his mother and father, on May 23, 2014, immediately before he embarked on the shooting portion of his massacre on the streets of Isla...

rationalwiki.org

In my personal opinion, it's a testament of how loneliness can throw you into a very sick spiral, and how important is for people to be able to listen and open up to others, so that mental problems don't blow up in massacres. How not isolating others (or oneself) can prevent a lot of suffering.

 

[ERB]

I set myself the arbitrary date of my 30th birthday to make a decision about CTB, I a few months away and I though I've felt like this all my life and I've been in situations where I came close before, this is the first time I feel afraid of these thoughts, I've been taking action towards it, making goodbye letters that I scrap and start over...

I have a masters degree, I have a loving family and friends, I've been successful with romantic partners before, but none of it has ever mattered to me when the feeling comes, when the thoughts are just there.

And as I am writing these words, knowing full well that I could turn my life around, I'm invaded by thoughts that no matter my degrees, my loving friends, my success or lack thereof in my profession; I will never feel different.

And it may be true, I may never feel better for more than a month or so, I may never be able to pay rent on my own - let alone buy a home- and the time may even come again when I can't even afford a pack of cigarettes.
I fear that nothing I've ever done, nor that I'll ever do will change the way I've always felt.

I have no answers for you, but I don't wanna let go just quite yet, so I may be projecting here and I apologize, but I really do hope you make it to 31, and that you find professional, romantic and economic success, because if having it makes no difference in the way you or me feel, I hope there's something else that does and I hope to find it

 

[Daphne]

I thought my life was over at 30 too. But my luck changed for awhile. You're young enough to weather this storm. Do things you haven't tried before. Take a trip. Find a new hobby. Life is an adventure when you're young.