SpiderLink
they/them
- Apr 3, 2023
- 361
Mental illness is making this very difficult for me, because I want to be in a job that could help me but help others, like a job I enjoy while helping others. My definition of purpose is pretty much a superhero, idk if anyone else can relate to those standards. But it's hard cause no matter what job I'd be apart in, I'm just gonna feel the same. Plus it's a big part of your life too, it's just so fucking hard when u know deep down that you're worthless. But definitely not having purpose adds to my suicidality. I just, don't know what to do. It's impossible to focus on a future when there's barely any modavation, lack of purpose, belonging etc. I just want to be able to do something! I want to beat my depression, anxiety and BPD, but I don't think I have the strength to. Then there is a part of me that's like "are you even trying hard enough?"… all I do with my time is play video games, hang out with some friends, watch videos, do poetry (mainly about how shitty my life is) and research.
