Trying to find a way to take back control

[imdoneforreal]

I'm glad to be here. I have spent months on the Reddit thread but it seemed to just be people contemplating CTB. And every method they discussed seemed terribly painful and like it may fail. Or stories of how it did fail. Every method seemed to be responded to with "I wouldn't do that. Terrible way to die" I don't want to fail. I've already been to the psych ward a month ago and was drugged up because everyone thinks I am better here than gone. This was done based on my hopelessness and my google searches that I failed to do incognito.

I have nerve damage in my face and mouth from dental procedures. I am severely depressed. It's only going to get worse. My life will never be the same. But I have a couple concerns.

1. Finding a source and knowing it's legit.

2. Mailing it to my house without my husband seeing it. A quick google search on his end would explain why I purchased it.

I just want a safe guard. My hunch is that I don't want to make it to the end of June. I want to know that I am in control as much as possible with me leaving. It's not fair and I don't want to CTB but I can't live like this.

If I can't figure this out I will have to resort to other methods (prob hanging) and I feel much more likely that will cause pain and a failed attempt which will make this nearly impossible again if I'm hospitalized. But I saw just yesterday an influencer did it. Kids and teens do it. Maybe it's not that hard. I'm just scared of this (SN) being another option that doesn't work because of the hoops to jump through. I feel trapped.

Grateful to anyone who can help I am in the US. Idk if I need to specify that

 

[Ash]

Sorry you're in so much pain.

Have a look at the resource compilation thread

Suicide Resource Compilation

All the links to threads, videos, audio, downloads, and information found here are being made available only for educational purposes, and have been shared by users; we cannot assure the accuracy of the data. This means the way you use this data is fully your responsibility, that you need to...

sanctioned-suicide.net

 

[FuneralCry]

That must be really horrible what you go through, it's so cruel how people have to suffer so much in this existence. I hope that you eventually find what you search for, best wishes.

 

[imdoneforreal]

Sorry you're in so much pain.

Have a look at the resource compilation thread

Suicide Resource Compilation

All the links to threads, videos, audio, downloads, and information found here are being made available only for educational purposes, and have been shared by users; we cannot assure the accuracy of the data. This means the way you use this data is fully your responsibility, that you need to...

sanctioned-suicide.net

Thank you
Was getting SN super easy a few years ago? I feel like I missed the bus

 

[Ash]

It used to be much easier. As far as I can tell, it's still possible though.

 

[imdoneforreal]

Truly can't believe there was a time you could just buy on Amazon or Walmart. That's wild to me. Leave it to me to be in this position once it becomes difficult. It was hard enough finding this forum lol

It used to be much easier. As far as I can tell, it's still possible though.

Truly can't believe there was a time you could just buy on Amazon or Walmart. That's wild to me. Leave it to me to be in this position once it becomes difficult. It was hard enough finding this forum