Venting Trust.

[back_to_oblivion]

My trust in others eroded through the years. I realized that most people are not what they seem and behind that smile and friendly face they are thinking how to stab you in the back. No matter how friendly people are to each other they're all talking negatively and gossiping about each other behind their backs. I've witnessed this many times. A classic thing that happened to me is being ghosted and ignored by ''friends'' because they found another friend. Finding out that there is an inner circle and you're excluded from it is also a classic that happened to me. I see this is very common. I think most social groups are toxic, the group dynamics and social hierarchies are all just a giant popularity contest. I hate being forced into a social group and being placed at the bottom of the totem pole. People feeling better than you just because they are more popular in a stupid little group, class, workplace. And then you have the really obnoxious scumbags who feel that this gives them a free pass to treat you like shit and want to prove how cool they are at your expense. Arrogant idiots who've got a lot of nerve thinking they're so special, but who in reality are simpletons who don't know their ass from a hole in the ground. Only after outbursts of anger people had enough respect to really leave me alone and not use me for their stupid games. Deep down many people are just predators looking to exploit what they see as weakness for their own gain, their own ego, their social status. And people who are isolated and alone make easy targets in the minds of many.

So called friends who are only your friend for their own gain or who just pretend to be your friend are the worst. I hate the feeling of being used and always broke off all contact with people like that. Like friends who were just using me for stuff. You lend something to them after they keep whining about it and then they ''forget'' they have it and I have to confront them to get it back. Friends betraying you in an attempt to be a little more popular (during group settings) also happened. Like a preemptive strike, let's make him the target so I don't have to be. ''Friends'' who are only your friend because they're so insecure and want to use you as their shield. Backstabbers like that are worse than people who are upfront to you about being an asshole.

I've accepted that I'm gonna be alone, this is how it's always been and how it always will be. I'm focused on enjoying being alone as much as I can. I guess you could say I am antisocial now, I don't really care about other people and have no real interest in forming friendships or relationships, any close connections. Fuck it all. Whatever interest I once had in socializing is now completely gone.

 

[demuic]

I don't see any benefit to trusting people. I do see many, many disadvantages.

I'd rather be stuck in a room with a real viperid than a viperous human. At least snakes strike only out of self-defense, often warn you not to approach, usually prefer slithering away and hiding from humans over striking; and are much easier to avoid. A human, on the other hand, can and will attack, relentlessly pursue, and even kill anyone for the pettiest reasons. Of course, I would happily prefer the company of any nonvenomous, nonaggressive snake over the most "affable" human.

Most humans regard solitude as the most terrifying fate, and dying alone and unknown as the most heinous death. Again, this fuels their motives for latching onto even the most toxic individuals and groups.

I surmise that many neurodivergents have weak or even nonexistent social wiring, instincts, and drive. This often results in higher individuality, independence, creativity, intelligence, nonconformity, logic, curiosity, perceptivity, and/or better self-understanding. It also greatly hinders society's ability to influence, manipulate, dominate, control, or exploit low-social and asocial individuals. However, many other neurodivergents can be too trusting and/or too dependent on human acceptance due to various impairments with human interactions (including communication) and being greatly disadvantaged in the anthropocentric world. These individuals are highly vulnerable to being used, abused, neglected, and mistreated more frequently.

I see things the same way. However, I never felt any desire to seek out or latch onto just anyone, even if they reach out to me first. I can't relate to most people and find them baffling, so I could not even grow attached to them if I wanted to. Most of the time they inspire nothing but contempt in me, and they feel the same way towards me. The only companionship I have desired is with others who think similarly to me, and since I have only found such a person once in my lifetime, I have deemed this pursuit to be futile and no longer allow myself to try and search for such a thing anymore. Even so, I still subconsciously wish things were different but I know this to be impossible. I have found it difficult to even hold a conversation with more than one person at a time, so I think this is just the way things are to be for me.

I have never felt any desire to follow trends or do what anyone else is doing just because it happens to be popular either. I have a limited range of interests that are not subject to any external, whimsical changes in trends.

However, even amongst those who claim to be outcasts, I still find myself outcasted and alone in my way of thinking most of the time. That is why I don't have any attachment to any label or group that may apply to me, because there is no similarity to be found between me and a category of people beyond the superficial. I understand other people may be comforted by such things, but for me it only brings distaste. Especially because I have seen many times unwarranted malice being thrown toward the "out group" or to those who don't conform to the "in group's" behaviors. Conformity and groupthink are really antithetical to who I am.

I find most people to be fake, too obsessed with withholding arbitrary social standards, and not interested in introspection or thinking deeply about anything.

 

[Makko]

Imagine having 'friends' who only don't attack you because you're both war ready. No sense of genuine warmth, just a clinical assessment of,
1) what does this person offer me and how do they boost my status,
2) how dangerous is this person? I don't want them to destroy me but I also can't respect them if they're a pussy.

It's as if people make these calculations in an instant and everything is done in bad faith.

What you describe isn't friendship, but alliance, which is something different. An alliance is made for an ulterior motive while a friendship is its own reward.

 

[motel rooms]

I trust my bf. He's too broken & melancholy to lie & trust anyone but me

 

[Darkmoon Queen]

What you describe isn't friendship, but alliance, which is something different. An alliance is made for an ulterior motive while a friendship is its own reward.

I have as of yet been unable to discern a difference. I know that sounds moody but the more time passes and the more stuff I read..

 

[Makko]

I have as of yet been unable to discern a difference. I know that sounds moody but the more time passes and the more stuff I read..

I suggest taking that stuff you read with a grain of salt because "friend" and "friendship" are among the most misused and abused terms ever, worse off than "love".

 

[Darkmoon Queen]

I suggest taking that stuff you read with a grain of salt because "friend" and "friendship" are among the most misused and abused terms ever, worse off than "love".

I was referring more to self help books and the like. How people operate, etc.

 

[EOL4ME]

All true statements ...... trust that actually ends up being true is rare.

 

[Makko]

I was referring more to self help books and the like. How people operate, etc.

I wasn't excluding self-help books and wannabe human nature guides when I said "stuff".

 

[Darkmoon Queen]

I wasn't excluding self-help books and wannabe human nature guides when I said "stuff".

In that case, I really don't know what to do.