restingplace
Student
- Mar 7, 2024
- 155
I have genuinely nothing to live for, sure my friends and my girlfriend are great but after my failed CTB I've been extremely behind on my studies, I've tried getting a job or volunteering places but I've had no luck so far and it just feels like nothing I do is meaningful.
Sometimes I don't even feel like I belong on SaSu because I failed CTB twice despite planning for years. I almost had my hands on SN but that never worked out. I feel like an outcast here sometimes because I guess I'm not your typical user.
I've tried so hard to escape this hell, this torture that for some reason is constantly on repeat and nothing has worked. I got my hands on nicotine so I figured I'd try that and it was nice but now it's gone missing, alcohol and drugs don't really do it for me, even self harm; its just redundant now and the possible infections fucking suck, I wouldn't mind it if it was lethal but most of the time they just chop off the infected limb which would ultimately make me more suicidal.
I remember life felt so good leading up to my last days on earth. CTB will solve everything for me. I know my friends will hate me if I leave and I honestly don't want them to do anything but being friends with them hurts. I don't want to be friends with them because I've already hurt them so much and will only hurt them again if I try to CTB next year. Being friends with them hurts now. I can't help them and I don't want them to help me so it just feels awful. I don't know if any of them still check on here because I know they found it. I don't think they do because I've posted some concerning things which I think they'd usually bring up. We'll if they are seeing this, go away.
I just want to escape.
Sometimes I don't even feel like I belong on SaSu because I failed CTB twice despite planning for years. I almost had my hands on SN but that never worked out. I feel like an outcast here sometimes because I guess I'm not your typical user.
I've tried so hard to escape this hell, this torture that for some reason is constantly on repeat and nothing has worked. I got my hands on nicotine so I figured I'd try that and it was nice but now it's gone missing, alcohol and drugs don't really do it for me, even self harm; its just redundant now and the possible infections fucking suck, I wouldn't mind it if it was lethal but most of the time they just chop off the infected limb which would ultimately make me more suicidal.
I remember life felt so good leading up to my last days on earth. CTB will solve everything for me. I know my friends will hate me if I leave and I honestly don't want them to do anything but being friends with them hurts. I don't want to be friends with them because I've already hurt them so much and will only hurt them again if I try to CTB next year. Being friends with them hurts now. I can't help them and I don't want them to help me so it just feels awful. I don't know if any of them still check on here because I know they found it. I don't think they do because I've posted some concerning things which I think they'd usually bring up. We'll if they are seeing this, go away.
I just want to escape.
