RedFruit
Red Fruit.
- Feb 17, 2026
- 22
On a half tab of acid which has somehow became my new normal after deciding that acid is some thing that I wanna do in public at raves now. I started doing acid when I was 18 and with a certain group of friends. That led me to doing it a decent amount by myself in my room. i've had a lot of introspective thoughts on acid, but none of them ever seemed to linger for long.
My first acid trip I was thinking about how I should kill myself and it was a lot worse than I am now. I was in a deeper trip than I am now for sure. The half tab has led to me barely having any visuals besides walls breathing and the occasional miss-seeing of something out of the corner of my eye. Of course it has led to a lot of introspective thoughts and a lot of them were about me and how tonight went for me at a rave I went to. This super hot guy is making out with this super hot girl and I was with my friends. Me and my boyfriend are taking a break because I decided to break it off again because I have no idea if he really loves me or not through the actions that he has upon me . Seeing them make out like that just made me feel really alone and really ugly because I feel like I can't be loved like that. (If you read to the bottom, I re-read this and have realized that this is such bs. My boyfriend would've been there if he could've been there and he treats me the same way at a rave. Also, I don't know those people. They could have shitty fucking lives too.)
My boyfriend cheated on me almost a year ago and I'm not even going into the rest because it's embarrassing. I don't even know why I continue to pick somebody who cheated on me and has proven to me multiple times that I'm just another person. It feels like we all are just meaningless pons to everyone around us.
Anyways, this was supposed to be about how I'm on acid and how I'm thinking about killing myself, how I'm gonna do it, and how I want to feel when I die. I wish I could feel like this when I'm dying without this insane inquisitive mind power that you have when you are tripping. I feel like Molly is a similar feeling, but I still have no idea what my CTB method will be. In my dream world, I'm either in a beach or in a hotel room. I'm feeling even better than I do right now (physically) and laying down with a big fluffy blanket. I don't care if it's the beach. Blanket. And then I die of something. I guess a drug overdose? I haven't really looked into too many of the chemical methods on the site because I'm very stupid when it comes to stuff like that.
Many days when I'm depressed, I just want to jump off this one building I always think about. Maybe I think about stabbing myself or hanging myself. But nothing feels as close to death as being on acid and thinking about it in every detail. Of course, I've thought about how I want to kill myself before and how I want to be comfortable on a beach. It didn't take acid for me to realize that, but being on acid makes me realize how much of a failure I am in life, (it not only makes me realize how much of a failure I am, but it really makes me feel it 20 times more. If you've ever taken acid, then you would understand.) and how CTB might really be my only option. I need to figure things out quickly. A part of me just wants to CTB right now, but I have no great method.
I end this saying that I will be up for many hours pondering and may change my mind about all of this. I'm not even sure if it even matters. 99% of the epiphanies I've had while tripping are lost to time. If I listened to them in the beginning, though, maybe I'd be somewhere greater. Or darker. We will see.
My first acid trip I was thinking about how I should kill myself and it was a lot worse than I am now. I was in a deeper trip than I am now for sure. The half tab has led to me barely having any visuals besides walls breathing and the occasional miss-seeing of something out of the corner of my eye. Of course it has led to a lot of introspective thoughts and a lot of them were about me and how tonight went for me at a rave I went to. This super hot guy is making out with this super hot girl and I was with my friends. Me and my boyfriend are taking a break because I decided to break it off again because I have no idea if he really loves me or not through the actions that he has upon me . Seeing them make out like that just made me feel really alone and really ugly because I feel like I can't be loved like that. (If you read to the bottom, I re-read this and have realized that this is such bs. My boyfriend would've been there if he could've been there and he treats me the same way at a rave. Also, I don't know those people. They could have shitty fucking lives too.)
My boyfriend cheated on me almost a year ago and I'm not even going into the rest because it's embarrassing. I don't even know why I continue to pick somebody who cheated on me and has proven to me multiple times that I'm just another person. It feels like we all are just meaningless pons to everyone around us.
Anyways, this was supposed to be about how I'm on acid and how I'm thinking about killing myself, how I'm gonna do it, and how I want to feel when I die. I wish I could feel like this when I'm dying without this insane inquisitive mind power that you have when you are tripping. I feel like Molly is a similar feeling, but I still have no idea what my CTB method will be. In my dream world, I'm either in a beach or in a hotel room. I'm feeling even better than I do right now (physically) and laying down with a big fluffy blanket. I don't care if it's the beach. Blanket. And then I die of something. I guess a drug overdose? I haven't really looked into too many of the chemical methods on the site because I'm very stupid when it comes to stuff like that.
Many days when I'm depressed, I just want to jump off this one building I always think about. Maybe I think about stabbing myself or hanging myself. But nothing feels as close to death as being on acid and thinking about it in every detail. Of course, I've thought about how I want to kill myself before and how I want to be comfortable on a beach. It didn't take acid for me to realize that, but being on acid makes me realize how much of a failure I am in life, (it not only makes me realize how much of a failure I am, but it really makes me feel it 20 times more. If you've ever taken acid, then you would understand.) and how CTB might really be my only option. I need to figure things out quickly. A part of me just wants to CTB right now, but I have no great method.
I end this saying that I will be up for many hours pondering and may change my mind about all of this. I'm not even sure if it even matters. 99% of the epiphanies I've had while tripping are lost to time. If I listened to them in the beginning, though, maybe I'd be somewhere greater. Or darker. We will see.
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