NSFW Tried to CTB and botched it, now I have to suffer more.

[endofthelinebros]

My plan was to wait for a fatal dose of isonitazene to inject, and in the meantime buy a gram of street heroin to keep me happy-ish for my last few days (I'm 3 years clean, or was anyway)
Well, me being too impulsive and impatient, I decided the gram would be enough, so I just started taking bigger and bigger injections until I took the last half-gram in one shot, along with a lot of vodka and grapefruit juice- then to my horror, realising I was still conscious after my final injection, tried taking every single pill and drink I own until I passed out.
Now I'm still very much alive, but I can feel that I've fucked up my organs big time, I'm desperately hungry but can't keep food down, I can feel abscesses developing on my arms. Problem is if I call for help, they'll know, and I won't be able to CTB. So now I just have to suffer even more for a couple more days until I can actually pull it off. Take this as a warning, don't get too impatient.

 

[zekeyaeger]

Yeah, that is why I seeked a method that had lesser chances of complications in case it was botched.

 

[endofthelinebros]

Yeah, that is why I seeked a method that had lesser chances of complications in case it was botched.

Either way I die. Either whatevers rotting away at me from the inside finishes me in the next couple days, or my stuff arrives and I know for a fact that this is high enough purity to do the job many, many times over. I just wish I'd waited so it could've been more peaceful.

 

[SVEN]

So sorry you're in this position.

 

[maniac116]

ODs are truly unreliable (under 14% success rate).
They leave us really susceptible to mental or physical disability & further suffering.
I'm sorry you gave up on sobriety.
It's still there waiting for you if you choose to continue in recovery

 

[opheliaoveragain]

so sorry to read you're suffering so much. I can relate on a lot of levels. I tried with F having a huge tolerance over and over and always fucking woke up no narcan no detox. wishing you peace and relief no matter what's next. here if you want to chat before you go.

 

[FuneralCry]

That sounds really horrible to me but anyway I wish you the best, I hope that you find peace and relief from the suffering, it's so cruel to me how there's all this suffering.