treatment-resistant depression

[Dubito]

Hi everyone,
I'm posting here because I never met someone with the same symptoms, but would like to.

I have the feeling that even the doctors are overwhelmed with my symptoms.

My main diagnosis is chronical depression. It comes with emotional numbness, a constant state of inner stress, overstimulation, and that has been going on for many years and unfortunatly gets worse and worse every year.

I feel chronically overwhelmed by normal life. Even small things like conversations, noise, TV, social contact, going outside, or traveling can become unbearable because my stress tolerance is extremely low.
At the same time, I experience severe emotional numbness and emptiness. I don't feel any comfort, joy, connection, or relaxation anymore. Being alone feels lonely and empty, but being around people can quickly become overwhelming, so I constantly feel trapped between isolation and overstimulation.
Sometimes I can only walk very slowly, as if something in my nervous system is affecting my legs. My depression also tends to get much worse in the afternoon.
I've had depression symptoms for around 20 years and have tried many treatments, including numerous medications and ECT. I'm currently taking tranylcypromine (Parnate). I have only left stimulation methodes like vns und dbs. Both with operation.
Typical advice like activation, exercise, social contact, or getting out more can actually increase my overload rather than help.
Can anyone relate to this combination of chronic inner stress, emotional numbness, extremely low stress tolerance, overstimulation from ordinary life, and feeling both isolated and overwhelmed?

I'd especially appreciate hearing from people with long-term, treatment-resistant depression or similar symptoms.

 

[sifp]

100%. The only differences I would say are I feel more of a constant panic than stress, and my cognition has been degraded. Like I have no memory and cannot talk.

Hi everyone,
I'm posting here because I never met someone with the same symptoms, but would like to.

I have the feeling that even the doctors are overwhelmed with my symptoms.

My main diagnosis is chronical depression. It comes with emotional numbness, a constant state of inner stress, overstimulation, and that has been going on for many years and unfortunatly gets worse and worse every year.

I feel chronically overwhelmed by normal life. Even small things like conversations, noise, TV, social contact, going outside, or traveling can become unbearable because my stress tolerance is extremely low.
At the same time, I experience severe emotional numbness and emptiness. I rarely feel genuine comfort, joy, connection, or relaxation anymore. Being alone feels lonely and empty, but being around people can quickly become overwhelming, so I constantly feel trapped between isolation and overstimulation.
Sometimes I can only walk very slowly, as if something in my nervous system is affecting my legs. My depression also tends to get much worse in the afternoon.
I've had depression symptoms for around 20 years and have tried many treatments, including numerous medications and ECT. I'm currently taking tranylcypromine (Parnate). I have only left stimulation methodes like vns und dbs. Both with operation.
Typical advice like activation, exercise, social contact, or getting out more can actually increase my overload rather than help.
Can anyone relate to this combination of chronic inner stress, emotional numbness, extremely low stress tolerance, overstimulation from ordinary life, and feeling both isolated and overwhelmed?

I'd especially appreciate hearing from people with long-term, treatment-resistant depression or similar symptoms.

I myself am looking into ECT and an MAOI like Parnate. What have those been like for you?

 

[Dubito]

Unfortunatly not so successful. ECT is not so good for cognition but maybe it doesn't matter. Give It a try!

 

[jilet]

are there anyone priscribed antipsychotics for treatment resistand depression?

 

[Dubito]

I took risperidon for example. But thats not special for trd.

 

[Dubito]

This illness is killing me. ;)

 

[Dubito]

Isn't there anybody else with this diagnosis?

 

[Ludath]

I'm pretty much feeling the exact same as you. I'm 30. I've been doing weekly therapy since i was 6. I was labeled with dysthemia at 8. Depression lasting longer than 2 years. I've had it since. It has been getting worse my whole life. Everyone i know got a life. I didnt. I dont have dreams, or ambitions. I just dont want to be miserable but i never get better. 3 different psychiatrists all ran out of ideas for meds to try. I've taken multiple meds of every drug class. Ive done DBT, EMDR, Ketamime therapy, and TMS. Nothing helps, and honestly i lost the last bit of hope that I'll ever get better last Thursday. I have infinite free time, but i dont care to do anything. Its actually garbage to have that much time. I'm endlessly alone with my thoughts. I barely survive, and can never take a single step towards making friends or meeting people. Like you it affects my physical self too. My metabolism shuts off when my depression gets too bad. I feel cold, and sluggish. Like a puppet on strings. I can barely move my body. Barely leave my bed. Alli do is avoid stress, which means I'm permanently terrified of things that aren't even there. My life is hell, and ive become reckless with my safety. I drive double the speed limit, but can't feel anything even doing that. After my last psych and treatments failed, i think I have to CTB. I cant take it anymore. I'll never get better. You're not the only one like this. Everything you described at the end, i feel perfectly. Especially the anxiety. I'm sorry for all the edits.

 

[Dubito]

Hey Ludath,
Thank you very much for sharing. Means much to me.
Yours Dubito
All the help in the world couldn't save me. That could have written by me.

 

[Dubito]

In the afternoon it is always getting worse.:(

 

[GodzillasBiggestFan]

how you described seem extremely similar to how it is for me too, for about as long as well.

 

[Dubito]

What treatment have you tried yet?

 

[-Link-]

Long-term, treatment-resistant depression checking in. Combined with an extreme level of social anxiety that makes treatment itself excessively difficult to face and engage in.

Can anyone relate to this combination of chronic inner stress, emotional numbness, extremely low stress tolerance, overstimulation from ordinary life, and feeling both isolated and overwhelmed? ... Typical advice like activation, exercise, social contact, or getting out more can actually increase my overload rather than help.

I live and breathe this description.

Even small things like conversations, noise, TV, social contact, going outside, or traveling can become unbearable because my stress tolerance is extremely low.

I live and breathe this too.

If you google the term "Highly Sensitive Person", see if any of its descriptions sound familiar for your situation. Your story reads as if it's possible this isn't only a depression issue but could also be a part of your fundamental personality.

In getting through my days, I indulge in dissociation and watch old TV shows for their familiarity/comfort and because they don't require my full attention or unbroken concentration. If anything catches my interest enough, I might do a deep dive on it -- reading up on it, learning more about it. I allow myself a lot of rest time / down time to recover from even the most basic everyday tasks. I avoid doomscrolling and have mostly checked myself out of what's happening in the real world ("if it's important enough, I'll hear about it from someone else").

For human contact, I keep in touch with immediate family who are understanding of my issues and limitations. And I sometimes watch YouTubers mostly just to see and hear other human beings. This forum has been a longstanding outlet for me, although not so much as of late just because my current energy levels aren't accommodating of it. It does help to hear other people's stories, even if I don't have the energy to engage them, myself.

I look at all this and approach it in a way where it's about acceptance and reducing suffering as much as possible, rather than fighting towards "something better".

 

[Dubito]

Highly Sensitive Person

Thx for your message.
I already checked this in the past but before my depression i didn't have these problems. That speaks against it. And These symtoms hasn't been so worse the first 10- 15 years. The last 5 years it hast become really bad.
At the moment i can only watch one episode of breaking bad in the morning. Unfortunatly I have only 3 episodes left till it's over:(

 

[Siegfrida]

It sounds like MCAS. Hard to say, of course, and I don't want to send you on a wild-goose chase, but maybe something worth looking into, if you haven't come across it already. It's still a relatively new diagnosis, and still very much under-researched and contested among doctors, and there are a lot of echo chambers around it in various patient communities on the internet, but the thing is that it can be the underlying factor beneath severe treatment-resistant depression.

 

[Dubito]

Hi Siegfrida,

thanks for your Input. I will check this.

Yours Dubito

 

[GodzillasBiggestFan]

What treatment have you tried yet?

therapy and medications, i was in the mental hospital a few times too but that was a long time ago.

 

[Ludath]

In getting through my days, I indulge in dissociation and watch old TV shows for their familiarity/comfort and because they don't require my full attention or unbroken concentration. If anything catches my interest enough, I might do a deep dive on it -- reading up on it, learning more about it. I allow myself a lot of rest time / down time to recover from even the most basic everyday tasks. I avoid doomscrolling and have mostly checked myself out of what's happening in the real world ("if it's important enough, I'll hear about it from someone else").

For human contact, I keep in touch with immediate family who are understanding of my issues and limitations. And I sometimes watch YouTubers mostly just to see and hear other human beings. This forum has been a longstanding outlet for me, although not so much as of late just because my current energy levels aren't accommodating of it. It does help to hear other people's stories, even if I don't have the energy to engage them, myself.

I look at all this and approach it in a way where it's about acceptance and reducing suffering as much as possible, rather than fighting towards "something better".

Your description of yourself and how you live sounds exactly like my life. I rewatch old shows I've seen before again and again. I don't keep up to date with the world, only hear about it from my parents. And I've given up on fighting towards getting better too. I just joined this forum. For me, it's the first place i can talk about any of this.

 

[Dubito]

I'm not even able to handle a very good friend visiting for ten minutes. My nervous system is so overstimulated. How am I supposed to exist like this?

 

[Ludath]

I'm not even able to handle a very good friend visiting for ten minutes. My nervous system is so overstimulated. How am I supposed to exist like this?

A friend of mine just tried to call me and i couldn't pick up the phone. Eventually had to message them to stop calling me and say i couldn't handle speaking at all. Now I'm lying in bed with a mask on to block out stimuli. Just saying you're not alone and taking the opportunity to vent. Sorry for not helping.

 

[Dubito]

Thx for your answer. My friend just suddenly showed up at the door. I thought it was the DHL delivery person. I was actually happy to see him; it's just the feeling of being overwhelmed that scares me.

 

[cantthinkofusername]

the only thing you can do is really do is keep trying. a family friend of mine went through dozens of medications and fringe treatments before they found something that helped. if you get stressed easily maybe benzodiazepines could help? or it's possible you have some undiagnosed comorbidities that are making things worse. i hope the best for you truly. as hard as it is, i think not giving up hope is the most important thing to recovering. there's always new protocols being developed, ive heard optimistic results from SAINT.

 

[Dubito]

Thank you. Benzos help a little. What is SAINT?

 

[cantthinkofusername]

Thank you. Benzos help a little. What is SAINT?

it's like a new experimental TMS protocol that uses a functional MRI to map your brain and uses computer algorithms to specifically target it to you vs a generalized thing they do to everyone. it's like an intensive thing where they do 50 sessions in a week, and it's supposed to be fairly promising. if i dont ctb im supposed to be getting it in a few months.

 

[Dubito]

Interesting. Maybe you should try it first.

 

[Dubito]

Sry for venting. I hate that my depression gets worse in the evening. It's worse enough during the day.