burninghill
Arcanist
- Dec 2, 2025
- 447
I tried to kill myself on November 1st? Of 2025, or somewhere around then, and I think about it so often.
I tried to do it at a spot that I frequent and now I can only thing about all the times I went there to did, at least 4 separate times but only one felt real.
There's nothing like it. Remembering how cold and dark it was and how hopeless everything felt (and still feels) and just knowing that nobody even knew you were there or cared to ask where you were.
There's nothing more humiliating and sad than walking home alone after an attempt failure. It was the worst night of my life. I laid my head on the rails and backed out, I made a post on here begging for somebody to call me and nobody agreed, but of course everyone was very supportive. I recorded that moment and have it saved in a video diary. I was sobbing because all I really wanted was for people to know how badly I was in pain and I wouldn't get to witness their grief if I was dead.
After that for a few days I couldn't lay down anymore because that was the position I was in on the rails and it would take me right back there, I also had bruises from the rocks they use to line it.
I was listening to a handful of songs at that time and listening to then genuinely feels exactly like that night. It was just despairing and desperate. I've told people about this attempt, but nobody cares.
I tried to do it at a spot that I frequent and now I can only thing about all the times I went there to did, at least 4 separate times but only one felt real.
There's nothing like it. Remembering how cold and dark it was and how hopeless everything felt (and still feels) and just knowing that nobody even knew you were there or cared to ask where you were.
There's nothing more humiliating and sad than walking home alone after an attempt failure. It was the worst night of my life. I laid my head on the rails and backed out, I made a post on here begging for somebody to call me and nobody agreed, but of course everyone was very supportive. I recorded that moment and have it saved in a video diary. I was sobbing because all I really wanted was for people to know how badly I was in pain and I wouldn't get to witness their grief if I was dead.
After that for a few days I couldn't lay down anymore because that was the position I was in on the rails and it would take me right back there, I also had bruises from the rocks they use to line it.
I was listening to a handful of songs at that time and listening to then genuinely feels exactly like that night. It was just despairing and desperate. I've told people about this attempt, but nobody cares.
