HOLY SHIT how did you get into sasu LMAOOOOOOO
bro is living on mars in year 1960
random violent transphobe writing textbook transphobia in the thread is crazy to see. 2019 time traveler. "bro is living on mars" made me laugh, so thanks for that. it's really so disgusting that people still try to make room for transphobia and misogyny in every space of the internet, even though there's literally no need to be doing that.
Being trans is both the best and worst thing that can happen to a person.
my internalized transphobia and homophobia just makes me want to huddle in my room and berate myself because i feel like a constant stereotype every day and like i need to "avoid" acting like a woman, even though my personality and interests are inherently feminine. i do like being able to connect with trans people, but it also feels like i can barely have anything in common with trans people but they'll still try to be friends with me because there's barely any trans people that live in my nowhereville town. it's very depressing to be a young trans person living in texas because i feel like only my small circle friends can even understand why i feel the way i do. and that makes me want to distance myself because i'm scared of being so negative that i lose them. it feels taboo to say that i actively hate being trans and that it gives me suicidal thoughts, even though i know a lot of trans people think the same thing because of the sasu community.
overall, it's like, i used to actually like being trans when i was earlier into my transition. but i realized that life is so much easier if i stay closeted because no one wants me hear to explain that i go by he/him or that i want to be see as a man if i'm becoming friends with a cis person or reconnecting with old high school friends. no one around me cares because they just think i look girly or tomboyish. but it also feels so privileged to complain about this kind of thing when there's real suffering in the world, and i'm just trans. it feels like stolen valor to complain about my life when i'm still closeted. i envy trans people that pass and get gendered properly because they fit into the gender binary while i can't. i'm obviously going to care about how i'm perceived, but it's so easy to be incredibly jealous of people who have it "figured out" already after months or years of transitioning. i hate that i envy people for being happy, because that's not right either.
the majority of the time, it's very lonely and depressing to be trans. i wish that i actually wanted to detransition or was capable of it. but i can't. i've been like this, even if the people around don't understand or accept it.