Trans friends, how did family or friends react to you coming out?

[snowlance]

Have you ever come out to anyone in the past? How did they take it? How did their response make you feel? What happened as a result?

I told my mom in the past and she freaked out. Said things like "why? I don't even know you anymore, its against my religion, that school taught you it was okay did they, is someone putting things in your head" etc. She wouldn't get off my back about it so I had to tell her it was all just a phase and im just gay and like cute and girly things that's all and she barely accepts that now but at least she doesn't talk about it anymore.

 

[strawberry_lemons]

my dad found out i was going by a diffrent name at school and he told me point blank he would never call me that and my mom belives my friends make me gender queer which quite funny. it was very hurtful but i knew it would happen, hyper religious and such.

 

[day]

Mom said she loves me and will accept me but that "god" hates me and ill likely go to hell for being this way.

Dad said he'd never accept me for who I am and will continue to dead name and misgender me. Also claimed hormones will kill me and I'm ruining my body.

Friends, eh, I lost more than half but tbh all my girl friends stayed and like 2 guy friends stayed.

Extended family outside of one pair of grandparents on my mom's side just disowned me and cut all ties off.

Overall, it was pretty negative but I moved away and don't plan on ever going back. Outside of my siblings my family is dead to me.

 

[numar]

never got the chance to express myself or come out so prolly gonna die in my male body :((((

 

[snowlance]

my dad found out i was going by a diffrent name at school and he told me point blank he would never call me that and my mom belives my friends make me gender queer which quite funny. it was very hurtful but i knew it would happen, hyper religious and such.

Religious people suck, you'd think they'd be accepting and stuff since that's what religion is all about but nope.

 

[strawberry_lemons]

Religious people suck, you'd think they'd be accepting and stuff since that's what religion is all about but nope.

hypocrites are the bulidings of the world im afraid all you can do is sigh and laugh at them

 

[snowlance]

Mom said she loves me and will accept me but that "god" hates me and ill likely go to hell for being this way.

Dad said he'd never accept me for who I am and will continue to dead name and misgender me. Also claimed hormones will kill me and I'm ruining my body.

Friends, eh, I lost more than half but tbh all my girl friends stayed and like 2 guy friends stayed.

Extended family outside of one pair of grandparents on my mom's side just disowned me and cut all ties off.

Overall, it was pretty negative but I moved away and don't plan on ever going back. Outside of my siblings my family is dead to me.

Love how family, who's supposed to love you unconditionally is the least accepting when it comes to this stuff...in the end i guess you found out who all your real friends are and who you should keep around, fuck the rest of em

never got the chance to express myself or come out so prolly gonna die in my male body :((((

Are you m2f? If so, if it means anything, I accept you.
Have you thought of a name?

 

[Madao]

Have you ever come out to anyone in the past? How did they take it? How did their response make you feel? What happened as a result?

I told my mom in the past and she freaked out. Said things like "why? I don't even know you anymore, its against my religion, that school taught you it was okay did they, is someone putting things in your head" etc. She wouldn't get off my back about it so I had to tell her it was all just a phase and im just gay and like cute and girly things that's all and she barely accepts that now but at least she doesn't talk about it anymore.

They're gonna try to send me to Egypt. The entire past 2 weeks I've been fighting my parents to keep growing my hair. I'm afraid one of these nights they might come in and cut it in my sleep. Homelessness is a real issue for me because of them. I have to deal with them screaming at me for hours at a time sometimes, about how stupid I am. They hurt me. I make it clear they hurt me. They don't care.


What hurts most is...I knew this was gonna happen. But I trusted my mom. She said she would never ever put me in danger for anything I may be, she will always be by my side. So I told her. I got it off my chest. I told her how bad my dysphoria was and how I needed medical attention. She was empathetic at first. But she turned on me quickly. I'm writing this right now, trying to focus as best as I can, RIGHT THIS MOMENT, she's talking about how she raised me up all these years, the food she gave me, everything. All for me to end up like this...CTB has never been more endearing.

 

[snowlance]

They're gonna try to send me to Egypt. The entire past 2 weeks I've been fighting my parents to keep growing my hair. I'm afraid one of these nights they might come in and cut it in my sleep. Homelessness is a real issue for me because of them. I have to deal with them screaming at me for hours at a time sometimes, about how stupid I am. They hurt me. I make it clear they hurt me. They don't care.


What hurts most is...I knew this was gonna happen. But I trusted my mom. She said she would never ever put me in danger for anything I may be, she will always be by my side. So I told her. I got it off my chest. I told her how bad my dysphoria was and how I needed medical attention. She was empathetic at first. But she turned on me quickly. I'm writing this right now, trying to focus as best as I can, RIGHT THIS MOMENT, she's talking about how she raised me up all these years, the food she gave me, everything. All for me to end up like this...CTB has never been more endearing.

I'm so sorry you have to deal that...your mom sounds like a horrible person... do you have any support irl from friends or anything?

 

[Madao]

I'm so sorry you have to deal that...your mom sounds like a horrible person... do you have any support irl from friends or anything?

1 irl friend. She's...not available in person at the moment, but she keeps me company. But my friendgroups/people ik irl, they aren't very supportive. And some don't even know. Im slowly starting to retreat from them, cuz too much heckling. My one irl friend is all I can talk to, plus all my online friends. They keep me alive

 

[front of me]

death

 

[Madao]

never got the chance to express myself or come out so prolly gonna die in my male body :((((

Maybe expressing yourself and living as a girl could be a goal that overrides the desire to CTB? Maybe? I believe in you, you'd be a strong, inspiring woman

 

[natthebrat]

I came out as trans way back in mid-2013 after my aunt, who also happens to be trans did. I was 16 at the time. My first two friends I told were supportive, in an indifferent sense, about it.

My third friend I told, I was extremely nervous about having that conversation with as I'd never had any political or LGBT related discussions with her before that, so I had no idea at all how she would react. However, when I did tell her, the way she reacted made me feel more loved than I've ever felt in my life.

I told my mom after a visit to my grandparents, when my aunt also happened to show up just before leaving (first time seeing her since she socially transitioned). My mom said she didn't have anything against it, but that I was too young to transition, that I was probably just gay, basically all the typical shit nearly all cis people believed at the time and which many still do.

While I may have been able to convince my mom to let me transition if I'd been more persistent and assertive about it, I was afraid to be, and the result was that I didn't end up medically transitioning until eight long years after I came out.

 

[ayaneechan]

My parents are totally against, they are basically the opposite of helpful with my transition. My dad sometimes use to making fun of me, a day he even told that my face is disgusting now (1y after HRT). I can't use fem clothing or they trow it away and I had lot to fight with them. I'm so sick of it that I not try to reason with them at all, it's pointless.

My psychiatrist still wants to "try" making them understand it, but idk, he tried other 2 times since now and nothing changed at all.

My brother and my sister are not talking me at all now and I'm basically not existing for them any more. I just exist if I make CTB attempts, cuz they can have legal problems if it works

 

[snowlance]

I came out as trans way back in mid-2013 after my aunt, who also happens to be trans did. I was 16 at the time. My first two friends I told were supportive, in an indifferent sense, about it.

My third friend I told, I was extremely nervous about having that conversation with as I'd never had any political or LGBT related discussions with her before that, so I had no idea at all how she would react. However, when I did tell her, the way she reacted made me feel more loved than I've ever felt in my life.

I told my mom after a visit to my grandparents, when my aunt also happened to show up just before leaving (first time seeing her since she socially transitioned). My mom said she didn't have anything against it, but that I was too young to transition, that I was probably just gay, basically all the typical shit nearly all cis people believed at the time and which many still do.

While I may have been able to convince my mom to let me transition if I'd been more persistent and assertive about it, I was afraid to be, and the result was that I didn't end up medically transitioning until eight long years after I came out.

That sucks, I wish family was more supportive. I'm glad you were finally able to transition. Do you feel any differently about it now that you did?

My parents are totally against, they are basically the opposite of helpful with my transition. My dad sometimes use to making fun of me, a day he even told that my face is disgusting now (1y after HRT). I can't use fem clothing or they trow it away and I had lot to fight with them. I'm so sick of it that I not try to reason with them at all, it's pointless.

My psychiatrist still wants to "try" making them understand it, but idk, he tried other 2 times since now and nothing changed at all.

My brother and my sister are not talking me at all now and I'm basically not existing for them any more. I just exist if I make CTB attempts, cuz they can have legal problems if it works

That's horrible. I'm glad you have a psychiatrist to help you, try to work with them as much as you can. How old are you? Are you able to move out eventually?

 

[passivethought121]

My mom said "K do what you want yolo" but misgenders me 24/7 and gets pissy when I try to correct her. I was distant with my dad, just got even more distant. I didn't even know that'd be possible. We weren't on speaking terms, now we aren't on looking terms, and he lives with me. My sister accepted my pronouns.

Most friends accepted me. They slip up with pronouns at times and get very defensive even though I tell them it's fine and it'd be better if they just quickly corrected it and moved on.

Other people who are in my social circle but not my friend, that I have come out to, either stay away from me or tried to make theories.

Most of the time I'm distant from friends and always near family because they live with me.

 

[natthebrat]

That sucks, I wish family was more supportive. I'm glad you were finally able to transition. Do you feel any differently about it now that you did?

I'd say that compared to then, I place most of the fault on myself for not being more assertive about needing to transition rather than on my parents for not letting me, because like I said, even most left-leaning people thought the things my mom did at the time when I came out, and family is completely supportive now.

Ever since I did medically transition, I'd also say that it changed me for the better even in ways I didn't realize it would at that time. Most significantly, before HRT, I took myself very, very seriously as an artist, because since I wasn't satisfied with just being a normal member of what was my perceived gender at the time, I thought I needed to be this extraordinary "self taught indie artist" to feel good about myself, and to make a long story short, made bad life decisions which I wouldn't have made otherwise, all because I refused to be anything less than that extraordinary person. Now that I am perceived as a girl, I'm okay with being just me and like any normal girl, and so I'm much more pragmatic and open-minded about things. That realization makes me feel even stronger about medical transition being truly a need and never a want; it just makes us better people.

 

[snowlance]

My mom said "K do what you want yolo" but misgenders me 24/7 and gets pissy when I try to correct her. I was distant with my dad, just got even more distant. I didn't even know that'd be possible. We weren't on speaking terms, now we aren't on looking terms, and he lives with me. My sister accepted my pronouns.

Most friends accepted me. They slip up with pronouns at times and get very defensive even though I tell them it's fine and it'd be better if they just quickly corrected it and moved on.

Other people who are in my social circle but not my friend, that I have come out to, either stay away from me or tried to make theories.

Most of the time I'm distant from friends and always near family because they live with me.

If only it were the other way around. I hope some day you're able to get away from family and feel more accepted
Also my friends do the same exact thing, it gets a tiny bit annoying sometimes

I'd say that compared to then, I place most of the fault on myself for not being more assertive about needing to transition rather than on my parents for not letting me, because like I said, even most left-leaning people thought the things my mom did at the time when I came out, and family is completely supportive now.

Ever since I did medically transition, I'd also say that it changed me for the better even in ways I didn't realize it would at that time. Most significantly, before HRT, I took myself very, very seriously as an artist, because since I wasn't satisfied with just being a normal member of what was my perceived gender at the time, I thought I needed to be this extraordinary "self taught indie artist" to feel good about myself, and to make a long story short, made bad life decisions which I wouldn't have made otherwise, all because I refused to be anything less than that extraordinary person. Now that I am perceived as a girl, I'm okay with being just me and like any normal girl, and so I'm much more pragmatic and open-minded about things. That realization makes me feel even stronger about medical transition being truly a need and never a want; it just makes us better people.

Indeed, one thing I've been told as a counterarguement is that there are some people that transition and it ruins their lives because they wish they didnt/could go back. They literally proved their argument wrong, said "some" people. Yeah like how people get tattoos and can't get them taken off or surgery isn't what they wanted. It's pretty much the same thing, the person just needs to make sure it's what they really want and be careful, just like any other changes you make to your body.

Anyways I'm glad your doing a lot better now. Do you have friends that support you now?

 

[CTBookOfLife]

My parents were very accepting for the most part!!

The problem was my extended family. They are all devout Christian. My cousin, who I've always be close with, was accepting as always... but her parents.. eh.

Could have been worse, though.

 

[borderline-feline]

My dad and sister are accepting, but they still deadname me a lot. I lost a lot of friends, or people who I thought were my friends, after I came out. There was someone who always supported me when she thought that I was just a femboy, but as soon as I came out, she started openly talking about how delusional she thinks trans people are. I only have a couple of IRL friends at this point.

 

[rosa.rosa]

I came out to my sister after making my preparations to CTB. She's more accepting than my parents but she thinks it's better for trans kid to wait until they become adults to start HRT or any gender-affirming surgery. My mom walked in on me during my previous CTB attempt. I basically broke down and told her everything. She's supportive of my identity and feelings, but is against gender-affirming care. As for my dad, he just yelled at and asked me if I were gay when I was having another break down. When I said no he asked if I was trans and I said yes.

Nothing has really changed since I came out to my family, which is probably a good thing. The only thing that has happened is that we have become more distant. But at least I can say I came out to family when I do my hormone readiness assessment, that is if I ever get off the wait-list lol.

The only friend I came out to is a drama kid I met in eighth grade. They're trans and openly bisexual, and the only queer person I was somewhat close with during high school. We don't talk anymore now that we're in post-secondary, but it was liberating to have finally told someone instead of just blurting it out emotionally, or being interrogated to come out.

 

[Scythe]

I didn't really come out, my parents found my hrt stuff and we had a big agrument. They don't really understand what being trans is and I don't know if they ever will but I know I don't have the motivation in me to explain it to them. I think they haven't told anyone else in the family yet because they think it's bad and my other family shouldn't know. They also nag me about it once in a while. When they do I just walk out of the house.

Most of my friends are online and they are all pretty accepting. So there's that.

 

[deadtrace]

They were fine at first, tried to change pronouns and evweyrhing. Then over time got worse, they pulled stuff like "you're still depressed after transitioning so you're not trans" (yeah wonder why I'm depressed....). After that they were pretty much fine. Over the last few years though they've gotten really right wing and got reeeeaaaallly bad about it. Malicious deadnaming, pronouns, insults, threats. So I've seen all sides I guess except unwavering support haha.