toxic relationship

[SadGirl]

I've been dating for almost four years, and in those years, my depression, anxiety, ADHD, and bipolar disorder have worsened. My girlfriend doesn't pay me any attention; she always wants to be with friends, and it seems like she has no emotional responsibility. She helps me financially because I'm a failure. But she's always demanding money and fighting with me because I need more help. She doesn't support me emotionally, doesn't ask if I'm really okay. She doesn't talk to me properly. She just fights. I'm emotionally dependent on her, but this relationship is doing me far more harm than good. Give your honest opinions. Please help me. What would you do in my place?

 

[fernstaysquiet]

Having read your previous posts as well, I really can't imagine things getting much better in your relationship. Your girlfriend seems quite detached from you.

 

[soon4good]

I mean I have 0 experience with even talking to girls ever, but if you want what's best for you, a break up would be my suggestion. Do you really value the emotional bond (mostly you?) and fear being alone that much that you'd be willing to put up with this shit for the next say, year? Do you imagine a situation that is worth putting up with?
How about you have her sit down and have a serious talk with you and make it clear what you are feeling and what you want.

 

[SadGirl]

Having read your previous posts as well, I really can't imagine things getting much better in your relationship. Your girlfriend seems quite detached from you.

I really don't know what to do, I'll talk to her in person in a little while.

I mean I have 0 experience with even talking to girls ever, but if you want what's best for you, a break up would be my suggestion. Do you really value the emotional bond (mostly you?) and fear being alone that much that you'd be willing to put up with this shit for the next say, year? Do you imagine a situation that is worth putting up with?
How about you have her sit down and have a serious talk with you and make it clear what you are feeling and what you want.

Yes, after dozens and dozens of serious conversations, I'm going to talk to her again today. I'm going to make her feel all the pain I went through, that she made me go through. Even if we didn't break up, she'll see me differently. Does anyone have any tips for changing things with her?

 

[fernstaysquiet]

Does anyone have any tips for changing things with her?

I would definitely fight tooth and nail for my relationship before giving up on it.
Your girlfriend would obviously be the best person at answering this question, does she want something from you that she feels like she is not getting? or is she just checked out?

I guess my only advice would be try to keep things calm for as long as possible..

 

[fedup1982]

I really don't know what to do, I'll talk to her in person in a little while.

Yes, after dozens and dozens of serious conversations, I'm going to talk to her again today. I'm going to make her feel all the pain I went through, that she made me go through. Even if we didn't break up, she'll see me differently. Does anyone have any tips for changing things with her?

You really want to make her feel pain? I don't want to be mean but do you not see how that sounds?

It seems to me like both of you need to work on things together, and no offence, honestly, you need to see how both of you now have toxic behaviour you both need to even just recognise before you can change. It's like you're both bouncing off each other making each behave worse to each other??

 

[soon4good]

I really don't know what to do, I'll talk to her in person in a little while.

Yes, after dozens and dozens of serious conversations, I'm going to talk to her again today. I'm going to make her feel all the pain I went through, that she made me go through. Even if we didn't break up, she'll see me differently. Does anyone have any tips for changing things with her?

Don't return the abuse with abuse if that's what you mean, stay calm and make your point clear to her.

 

[mangoastronaut]

Do you live with her? Are financially dependent on her? I suggest you try to find some independence from her before doing anything, or else she might use your dependence against you. Right now would be a good time to find your support group to help you through these difficult times, whether that's friends or family. Or even here, seems like you got a couple people, including me, who are on your side and want the best for you.

 

[SadGirl]

I would definitely fight tooth and nail for my relationship before giving up on it.
Your girlfriend would obviously be the best person at answering this question, does she want something from you that she feels like she is not getting? or is she just checked out?

I guess my only advice would be try to keep things calm for as long as possible..

That's what I'm trying to do, save my relationship. I've been trying for a long time. But if things don't improve, I'll have to break up.

Do you live with her? Are financially dependent on her? I suggest you try to find some independence from her before doing anything, or else she might use your dependence against you. Right now would be a good time to find your support group to help you through these difficult times, whether that's friends or family. Or even here, seems like you got a couple people, including me, who are on your side and want the best for you.

I don't have many people to support me, just a few friends. My family doesn't care about me; they're only "useful" for talking about my failures with work and drugs. If the day comes to end, I'll need support here, and a lot of it.

 

[neurotic]

I've been dating for almost four years, and in those years, my depression, anxiety, ADHD, and bipolar disorder have worsened. My girlfriend doesn't pay me any attention; she always wants to be with friends, and it seems like she has no emotional responsibility. She helps me financially because I'm a failure. But she's always demanding money and fighting with me because I need more help. She doesn't support me emotionally, doesn't ask if I'm really okay. She doesn't talk to me properly. She just fights. I'm emotionally dependent on her, but this relationship is doing me far more harm than good. Give your honest opinions. Please help me. What would you do in my place?

This was me. This was me. This was me. This was me. This was me. This was me. I read a journal I had at the time, oh my god I was in so much pain it makes me want to cry just thinking about. It was a blur.

Cut it off. Leave. If you're not happy, leave leave leave leave now now now. When you're unhappy like that, it flies by. For me, 3 years of hell.