Ghostly
Student
- Nov 21, 2020
- 148
TLDR
I am debating myself on ctb because of legal matters and my best friend but the thought and desire of wanting to die is all encompassing and I can't find a reason to live, how do I figure out a good way to come to a conclusion
So yea hey SS! I'm back and worse than ever I am debating getting SN all my other attempts are stupid and don't work EVER or I get saved and thrown in the ward, recently one of my relatives shot himself last night I wasn't close to him but hearing the news struck a chord in me like it made feel even more inspired to kill myself? Like idk if this makes sense tbh BUT I felt like. "Well if he can do then so can I!" And I also felt very jealous that he had died. Because well I mean I'm on SS we all now why. Yeah though I'm debating on CTBing around next year or so I have a date set for August or July 15-18th but I have some legal shit to do before then. I feel a little better whilst writing this but I'm still thinking about or debating with myself about CTBing does anyone know if there's a good way to see if CTB is a good option like my DBT treatment doesn't seem to be going anywhere, my family stopped associating with me after an unintentional drug OD on opioids that sent me to the hospital passed out and my BPD seems to be worsening, I dropped out of college so yea and I don't see a point anymore the only reason I can find to live is my best friend? Since he said he'd miss me and that he cares but the urge to die is becoming all emcpassing and idk what to do exactly I want to die but at the same time I am a bit uncertain due to shit I have to do before death but other than that I have no reason to live and to top it off I've done so many drugs since I've been gone that my health is physical health is Absolutely FUCKED! Sorry for long rant I need advice I suppose and just announcing that I'll be active again most likely
I am debating myself on ctb because of legal matters and my best friend but the thought and desire of wanting to die is all encompassing and I can't find a reason to live, how do I figure out a good way to come to a conclusion
So yea hey SS! I'm back and worse than ever I am debating getting SN all my other attempts are stupid and don't work EVER or I get saved and thrown in the ward, recently one of my relatives shot himself last night I wasn't close to him but hearing the news struck a chord in me like it made feel even more inspired to kill myself? Like idk if this makes sense tbh BUT I felt like. "Well if he can do then so can I!" And I also felt very jealous that he had died. Because well I mean I'm on SS we all now why. Yeah though I'm debating on CTBing around next year or so I have a date set for August or July 15-18th but I have some legal shit to do before then. I feel a little better whilst writing this but I'm still thinking about or debating with myself about CTBing does anyone know if there's a good way to see if CTB is a good option like my DBT treatment doesn't seem to be going anywhere, my family stopped associating with me after an unintentional drug OD on opioids that sent me to the hospital passed out and my BPD seems to be worsening, I dropped out of college so yea and I don't see a point anymore the only reason I can find to live is my best friend? Since he said he'd miss me and that he cares but the urge to die is becoming all emcpassing and idk what to do exactly I want to die but at the same time I am a bit uncertain due to shit I have to do before death but other than that I have no reason to live and to top it off I've done so many drugs since I've been gone that my health is physical health is Absolutely FUCKED! Sorry for long rant I need advice I suppose and just announcing that I'll be active again most likely
