
WorthlessTrash
Worthless
- Apr 19, 2022
- 2,429
I spent the last 2 days reevaluating everything. The reason i'm depressed, the reasons I hate being male, whether transitioning would even make significant improvement for me, if there are ways to find fulfillment and happiness otherwise or if there's any realistic chance of me being able to find real happiness in the future, and I reached the same conclusion in this thought exercise that i have through out the year, and that is No to every one of those questions. Is this sign I have been waiting for to tell me it is time to give up?
I am a very 300+ lbs garbage bag of testosterone who feels so much despair when he sees attractive women out in public, when heres women call each other "pretty", when he sees the validation attractive women get. I am someone who cringes the moment i think a woman is attractive. I don't have a right to feel that way. I should stay in my own lane.
Im not going to college, im not working, im not doing any of my usual hobbies because i dont have the energy or motivation to. All i can do is sleep, eat and browse discord/ sasu. I cant even take a shower bc the very idea of me looking at my body makes me so fucking sick.
I try to understand why attractive people take their own lives, but i just simply cannot. Those woman are throwing away their looks when I'd kill to be them. It's like a person in poverty watching someone burn money in front of them. I know they have their own reasons, but what i wouldn't give to be able to try play with the hand that they were dealt.
I know i could try drugs to help me get through life be it medication, recreational drugs or illegal substances, but if I can't even be remotely content without them much less happy, is it even worth fighting and dying of old age? I certainly do not believe so...
I don't want anyone to try to talk me into trying anything. I just needed a place to air my grievances. I am of no use alive and life is of no use to me. All signs point to me needing to CTB and being rid of this trash body.
I wish i could say that the tl:dr of this thread is i am going to recover, but it is not. The tl:dr is that i have once again reached the same conclusion i always have.
I am a very 300+ lbs garbage bag of testosterone who feels so much despair when he sees attractive women out in public, when heres women call each other "pretty", when he sees the validation attractive women get. I am someone who cringes the moment i think a woman is attractive. I don't have a right to feel that way. I should stay in my own lane.
Im not going to college, im not working, im not doing any of my usual hobbies because i dont have the energy or motivation to. All i can do is sleep, eat and browse discord/ sasu. I cant even take a shower bc the very idea of me looking at my body makes me so fucking sick.
I try to understand why attractive people take their own lives, but i just simply cannot. Those woman are throwing away their looks when I'd kill to be them. It's like a person in poverty watching someone burn money in front of them. I know they have their own reasons, but what i wouldn't give to be able to try play with the hand that they were dealt.
I know i could try drugs to help me get through life be it medication, recreational drugs or illegal substances, but if I can't even be remotely content without them much less happy, is it even worth fighting and dying of old age? I certainly do not believe so...
I don't want anyone to try to talk me into trying anything. I just needed a place to air my grievances. I am of no use alive and life is of no use to me. All signs point to me needing to CTB and being rid of this trash body.
I wish i could say that the tl:dr of this thread is i am going to recover, but it is not. The tl:dr is that i have once again reached the same conclusion i always have.