Venting Too stupid to live

[ManAboutTown]

I don't even know how to explain myself. I've been plagued with this for months. Everybody talks to me and treats me like I'm stupid, and I want to say it isn't true or I'm making things up, but it is. I cannot keep up with anybody. Everybody understands things intrinsically that I do not. I can't stop fucking stuttering when I speak to people, and it makes me sound like a sperg which makes them treat me like one. I desperately wish I wasn't autistic, or at the very least just a little smarter. I've been doing fine in college because I know the day I drop out is the day I choose to kill myself. Everything I do is stupid and I can't grasp anything and nobody cares.

 

[whyyyyyyyy]

I wish this were better somehow

 

[BeansOfRequirement]

If you're doing fine in college, you obviously have some sort of intelligence in you. Maybe you're just not good at expressing your intelligence in those social settings? I am also autistic and I seem way less intelligent in speech than in writing.

 

[2percent]

As someone with a pretty bad learning disability in a technical field, I understand how it feels to struggle with tasks and concepts that are easy/trivial for your peers. My advice to you, and to a younger version of myself who felt the same way, is as follows:
1. You're going to go through periods of feeling like this multiple times in your life. Learn to move quickly through the negative emotions as they are not productive. Go to therapy, form compensatory habits, and form a self-concept that accepts the aspects of your body and cognition that are not within your control and forgives yourself for things that were never your fault in the first place.
2. If you haven't already, inquire about learning accommodations for your institution. You may be able to get note takers, extra time on assignments and tests, etc.
3. Move away from language like 'sperg' etc. I know you're speaking out of strongly felt emotion but they indicate strong self-concept see no. 1 which is not helpful.
4. Your peers are struggling too, I guarantee it. Stop comparing yourself at your lowest with your peers at their highest.

You're doing great. You're in an institution for higher learning. Remember that the people around you skew towards the smartest slice of the population, and that if you get your degree you're doing better than 60% of the population in the US. Stop tunnel visioning and go for a walk bud!