Too scared

[failingthroughlife]

I haven't posted on here before. I've never been able to find the words. Ive been struggling with these feelings for many many years now and I truly can't do it anymore. I've attempted many times but I always get scared and things go wrong. I always seem to talk myself out of it and each time I regret it more and more. There is nothing here for me- i'm too lonely, too unhappy and simply too tired.

How do I gain the courage to finally go through with it. There is no doubt in my mind that this is what I want but I now only need the strength to see it through.

 

[denix66]

How do I gain the courage to finally go through with it...??

Only you have that answer..... No one here can or should help you...

 

[R. A.]

Hello - I remember noting and making a note of your post in a goodbye thread recently; I thought it was pretty significant for you to have written your first message ever in over two years. I'm sorry I don't have any advice as I'm in a similar position (plus a variety of illnesses) - if there was some easy way out I would take it, but after just two months here I've learned that for some reason or other, basically every choice is a freaking uphill struggle.

I can only imagine that as things continue to decline, I will want more and more to act on this feeling, and eventually I will just do it...or try and fail, but that's a whole other can of worms...as is my fear of somehow being rendered unable to act on it at all. For now I can only offer solidarity.

 

[failingthroughlife]

How do I gain the courage to finally go through with it...??

Only you have that answer..... No one here can or should help you...

While I do agree with you, I found it useful to put my words out there. I really hope you didn't take offence to my question at all

 

[Worndown]

Without knowing the method, preparation and practice will make the act more routine.
That and your final urge might be enough.

 

[failingthroughlife]

Hello - I remember noting and making a note of your post in a goodbye thread recently; I thought it was pretty significant for you to have written your first message ever in over two years. I'm sorry I don't have any advice as I'm in a similar position (plus a variety of illnesses) - if there was some easy way out I would take it, but after just two months here I've learned that for some reason or other, basically every choice is a freaking uphill struggle.

I can only imagine that as things continue to decline, I will want more and more to act on this feeling, and eventually I will just do it...or try and fail, but that's a whole other can of worms...as is my fear of somehow being rendered unable to act on it at all. For now I can only offer solidarity.

I find myself in a similar position in regards to a variety of illnesses! Its such a scary place to be and while only ourselves hold the answers, for me personally it is helpful to speak to those in similar positions!!

I think my comment on the other thread was really the moment I understood my own feelings and decided to be brave and speak on here!

 

[denix66]

While I do agree with you, I found it useful to put my words out there. I really hope you didn't take offence to my question at all

Of course I haven't felt offended... Quite the opposite... You are very free to express your feelings here... And I understand you... But I think it's because of the continuity of the forum. .... You have to calibrate well what is written... publicly... A VERY STRONG HUG AND FOR YOU
Of course I haven't felt offended... Quite the opposite... You are very free to express your feelings here... And I understand you... But I think it's because of the continuity of the forum. .... You have to calibrate well what is written... publicly... A VERY STRONG HUG AND FOR YOU

 

[Cryptonite]

I would say:

• thorough plan preparation
• CTB test runs to desensitize yourself
• deep and total internal acceptance of death (!)
• benzos
• very strong will (!)
• a method you feel most comfortable with
• reading the list with non-fatal SN attempts (experiences of clinical death)

 

[R. A.]

I find myself in a similar position in regards to a variety of illnesses! Its such a scary place to be and while only ourselves hold the answers, for me personally it is helpful to speak to those in similar positions!!

I think my comment on the other thread was really the moment I understood my own feelings and decided to be brave and speak on here!

Community is certainly important. The lack of it is just another reason I think lots of us are even here to begin with. Sigh. Good on you for finally feeling comfortable writing here. ManicPanic did seem to have a special something in the way she wrote. Who can say how calm she really was but at least on here it was a pretty centred aura I was getting. Honestly, seriously thinking about actually taking the necessary steps to putting an end to my own life is still so sad and scary it can make me weep.

Hope you find something positive in your time here. Most folks seem rather nice

 

[failingthroughlife]

I would say:

• thorough plan preparation
• CTB test runs to desensitize yourself
• deep and total internal acceptance of death (!)
• benzos
• very strong will (!)
• a method you feel most comfortable with
• reading the list with non-fatal SN attempts (experiences of clinical death)

this really is most helpful!
I am so grateful, thank you!

Community is certainly important. The lack of it is just another reason I think lots of us are even here to begin with. Sigh. Good on you for finally feeling comfortable writing here. ManicPanic did seem to have a special something in the way she wrote. Who can say how calm she really was but at least on here it was a pretty centred aura I was getting. Honestly, seriously thinking about actually taking the necessary steps to putting an end to my own life is still so sad and scary it can make me weep.

Hope you find something positive in your time here. Most folks seem rather nice

I feel inspired by what she had written and I might do the same when my time comes, I know how much it helped me and I hope I can in turn help others!
Death is scary but i'm learning how to welcome it as a friend as life had proved to be too unkind!

 

[makethepainstop]

I haven't posted on here before. I've never been able to find the words. Ive been struggling with these feelings for many many years now and I truly can't do it anymore. I've attempted many times but I always get scared and things go wrong. I always seem to talk myself out of it and each time I regret it more and more. There is nothing here for me- i'm too lonely, too unhappy and simply too tired.

How do I gain the courage to finally go through with it. There is no doubt in my mind that this is what I want but I now only need the strength to see it through.

Sometimes the pain and pressures of life become too great, and then it's easy.

 

[lifeORdeath]

Sometimes the pain and pressures of life become too great, and then it's easy.

This

 

[FuneralCry]

I believe that those who have left just knew that it was time to leave this cruel existence behind, maybe many reached a point of desperation. I also think that having a method that the person feels confident in that it would succeed, could make it easier for people to go through with ctb. But only you know when it's time to leave, I think that you cannot force yourself to feel a certain way.

 

[failingthroughlife]

I believe that those who have left just knew that it was time to leave this cruel existence behind, maybe many reached a point of desperation. I also think that having a method that the person feels confident in that it would succeed, could make it easier for people to go through with ctb. But only you know when it's time to leave, I think that you cannot force yourself to feel a certain way.

It's always so complicated in a personal way isnt it! I've had a method for a long time- it's gone wrong in the past but I understand why it did! I think the point you made about not forcing myself to feel a certain way has helped a lot- thank you! I hope you're okay and thank you for your comment :)

Sometimes the pain and pressures of life become too great, and then it's easy.

These are the words I could never find! Thank you for finding such a good way to say it! sending hugs your way!