Venting Too pathetic to live, too pathetic to die

[throneofdispair03]

Sorry. I wasted my perfect opportunity because I decided to be a coward and backed out of killing myself and now my parents are home. I really have no clue what to do, man. I'm too pathetic to be alive and too damn pathetic to end it. I keep thinking about what I'd look like when I'm dead and my parents walk in to see their son on the other side of the closet with a rope around his neck. Jesus fucking Christ, I even promised this forum that I'd do it and I made so many people think that I'd go through with it. I'm so pissed with myself, but all I can do now is wait for another opportunity and hope that I don't pussy out. I'm sorry to everyone who've been deceived by my cowardly self. SO FUCKING ANNOYED.

 

[stuckinthemud]

There is no rush…you will find the right time in your own time :) don't be hard on yourself. It's a massive decision to ctb and you need to be mentally ready for it and ultimately decide if that's what you really want to do as well.
Ctb at home doesnt sound like the best option with your parents being there.

 

[FuneralCry]

Suicide really isn't straightforward after all, in fact to me it certainly is so unnecessarily difficult, I don't believe one is cowardly if they struggle to go through with it. But anyway best wishes.

 

[penguinl0v3s]

Sorry to hear that friend, you're not the first and you're not the last. It's really hard to overcome survival instinct, and it doesn't mean that you're weak. If your parents finding you bothers you, I think that you should figure out a way to do it outside of your house. Seeing dead bodies of loved ones is shown to be traumatic (I mean, isn't that obvious though?).

 

[Dliena]

This is what I'm afraid of. I'm very sorry to you OP it can be one of the toughest things to go thru ever.

 

[hikikomorizombie]

hey, i was wondering if we'd see an update from u!! i promise none of us are disappointed to get one. it's just better luck next time :)

cut urself some slack<333 kys goes against all of our wiring. i wish i could talk to the ppl that've successfully done it, esp in brutal ways like jumping/drowning/hanging, & know how they did it. what they thought & felt like beforehand. but alas.

i agree w the posters above as well re: a method outside of ur home. i don't have a good relationship w my mom, but i decided on jumping as my method so she won't have to see & personally deal w my corpse.

 

[_RustyLeaf321]

Sorry. I wasted my perfect opportunity because I decided to be a coward and backed out of killing myself and now my parents are home. I really have no clue what to do, man. I'm too pathetic to be alive and too damn pathetic to end it. I keep thinking about what I'd look like when I'm dead and my parents walk in to see their son on the other side of the closet with a rope around his neck. Jesus fucking Christ, I even promised this forum that I'd do it and I made so many people think that I'd go through with it. I'm so pissed with myself, but all I can do now is wait for another opportunity and hope that I don't pussy out. I'm sorry to everyone who've been deceived by my cowardly self. SO FUCKING ANNOYED.

My friend,don't apologize,it's the most normal thing to not have the courage at first attempt,i am right now bringinf all my courage together so i don't backup.

It's not your fault and it's always alright even if you decide to live while already suffocating,dying must be something you want and which you achieve with the less amount of pressure possible,you're freeing yourself after all,it is YOUR moment and nothing must take it away,do it on your time.