Venting Too often like this.

[Archness]

I hate how whenever I have a creative idea, or a "need to write", it almost always when I lack the mental energy, too busy distracting myself, or am physically too out-of-it to work on something like that. Right now, the last thing on that list is happening, it's late and I'd be going to sleep; but it's far too often that at this time I get ideas and things I should write about, but am litterally too tired to do so, despite this senseless drive that comes with it for some reason. Not to mention if I put it off now, I'll literally never do it.

Like wow, I love how life is like that, how I am, this fucking defective brain I'm stuck with. God fucking damn it...
But atleast this is just a sad fact of my existence. But even worse, when I'm depressed enough to put away these useless things and get to making something from the soul... I'm too depressed to engaged in that kind of exercise, I can even be too empty to have a soul to work with even. Even those exercises are futile, aren't they?

This.... Paradoxical aspect: my depression, suicidallity, nihilistic worldview, those things make me want to 'act', but also unable to. Mirrors how this "human element" in me makes me have the ability to experience the depth and fullness of life, but alas, only works to make me experience some horridness, this emptiness, this loathing, etc.

I'm too tired. Goodnight.