Too far gone its over

[jussrav]

I've got to the point that I know I will never lead a life of normality. I have made alot of mistakes in the past that has led me to this stage that suicide is only way out or eternal suffering. I wasn't kind to myself. I had opportunities to make things better go on holidays but I didnt take the offer. Now I am suffering with my mental health and its constant. I feel sick, I am scared to face the day because I know more suffering. I dont sleep I have huge hooded eyes and I am beyond exhausted fighting my issues in my head that just won't relent. I have psychosocial counselling in the hope it will help but I know I am clutching at straws here. I have physical issues, long covid twice and also tumour which wont kill me. I dont want to suffer this torment and regret anymore. I am 42 I cant live like this suffering forever. Thankyou for listening.

 

[FuneralCry]

It sounds really horrible and tiring what you are going through, I understand why you'd just wish to be free, existence really is so cruel.

 

[jussrav]

It sounds really horrible and tiring what you are going through, I understand why you'd just wish to be free, existence really is so cruel.

I feel like dying and I feel like there is no hope. I am struggling really bad.

 

[SubtleWinds]

I feel like dying and I feel like there is no hope. I am struggling really bad.

Aww that sounds crazy sucky :( I'm new here and looking for people to talk to understand myself more, can i talk to you? i need someone rn

 

[jussrav]

Aww that sounds crazy sucky :( I'm new here and looking for people to talk to understand myself more, can i talk to you? i need someone rn

I can't seem to message you maybe you need to write a few more messages on posts x

 

[SubtleWinds]

I can't seem to message you maybe you need to write a few more messages on posts x

darn that sucks. well, i'm curious in your life. how did you get to be so far?

 

[jussrav]

darn that sucks. well, i'm curious in your life. how did you get to be so far?

Ots been 3 years subtle winds. Pre covid i was a very happy person functioning living life to the max. Had a good job was a prison officer and used to jump out of bed in the morning was so happy. Had great relationships with people lots of hood fun times with siblings etc. Then covid struck. I made one error and that was seeing a fiend during covid. Her dad was ill and she came over. She didn't tell me her dad was ill. She told me when she came over. By then it wS too late. She had covid was asymptomatic and gave it to me. This turned into 2 years of hell and long covid. I then got a tumour in my pituitary gland probably caused by covid. They said it wasnt cancer I wish it was. They said if it grows I may need an operation otherwise I go blind. I got over the long covid after 20 months however a crisis mental health worker came to my house and gave me covid again. Again she knew she was ill but still came. This turned into longcovid and I am still suffering with horrendous symptoms. I have been sectioned 3 times. I have overdosed on 50 patacetamols. It doesn't stop there though. Recently I was feeling a bit badminton said come on holiday. However I had a side business and job. Instead of thinking ogmf my health and going on holiday I stayed home and made my mental health worse. I am now in hell as my mental health is so low I cannot sleep. And due to these mental struggles I went through I can only skeep 6 hours anymore and I get worse mentally. This has happened to me this morning and I feel like jumping off a cliff. If I could find a plan that was 100 percent mean I could go I would. I am sick of my life.

Ots been 3 years subtle winds. Pre covid i was a very happy person functioning living life to the max. Had a good job was a prison officer and used to jump out of bed in the morning was so happy. Had great relationships with people lots of hood fun times with siblings etc. Then covid struck. I made one error and that was seeing a fiend during covid. Her dad was ill and she came over. She didn't tell me her dad was ill. She told me when she came over. By then it wS too late. She had covid was asymptomatic and gave it to me. This turned into 2 years of hell and long covid. I then got a tumour in my pituitary gland probably caused by covid. They said it wasnt cancer I wish it was. They said if it grows I may need an operation otherwise I go blind. I got over the long covid after 20 months however a crisis mental health worker came to my house and gave me covid again. Again she knew she was ill but still came. This turned into longcovid and I am still suffering with horrendous symptoms. I have been sectioned 3 times. I have overdosed on 50 patacetamols. It doesn't stop there though. Recently I was feeling a bit badminton said come on holiday. However I had a side business and job. Instead of thinking ogmf my health and going on holiday I stayed home and made my mental health worse. I am now in hell as my mental health is so low I cannot sleep. And due to these mental struggles I went through I can only skeep 6 hours anymore and I get worse mentally. This has happened to me this morning and I feel like jumping off a cliff. If I could find a plan that was 100 percent mean I could go I would. I am sick of my life.

Not badminton but better.

 

[SubtleWinds]

Ots been 3 years subtle winds. Pre covid i was a very happy person functioning living life to the max. Had a good job was a prison officer and used to jump out of bed in the morning was so happy. Had great relationships with people lots of hood fun times with siblings etc. Then covid struck. I made one error and that was seeing a fiend during covid. Her dad was ill and she came over. She didn't tell me her dad was ill. She told me when she came over. By then it wS too late. She had covid was asymptomatic and gave it to me. This turned into 2 years of hell and long covid. I then got a tumour in my pituitary gland probably caused by covid. They said it wasnt cancer I wish it was. They said if it grows I may need an operation otherwise I go blind. I got over the long covid after 20 months however a crisis mental health worker came to my house and gave me covid again. Again she knew she was ill but still came. This turned into longcovid and I am still suffering with horrendous symptoms. I have been sectioned 3 times. I have overdosed on 50 patacetamols. It doesn't stop there though. Recently I was feeling a bit badminton said come on holiday. However I had a side business and job. Instead of thinking ogmf my health and going on holiday I stayed home and made my mental health worse. I am now in hell as my mental health is so low I cannot sleep. And due to these mental struggles I went through I can only skeep 6 hours anymore and I get worse mentally. This has happened to me this morning and I feel like jumping off a cliff. If I could find a plan that was 100 percent mean I could go I would. I am sick of my life.

Not badminton but better.

Wow... so you're really sick and don't know who to turn to. Let me guess, nobody to even talk to?

 

[jussrav]

Wow... so you're really sick and don't know who to turn to. Let me guess, nobody to even talk to?

I have people to talk to its just I see no hope that my problems will improve. My head hurts with so much stress in it and I feel sick I am tired of battling